Santa's New Contract, LOL!

**babynurse** · 12-20-2002, 11:10 PM

Santa's New Contract
To All Concerned: From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Texas and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was re-negotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and
girls, however, there are a few differences between us. Differences, such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, On Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba Clause arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam Safety Triangle on the back with the words "Back Off!"
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of State Patrol Cars
crashing into each other.
And finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus, Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225

:santa:

**dz_blonde_girl** · 12-21-2002, 08:36 AM

My sister in TN will get a kick out of this!

**Darlene** · 12-21-2002, 08:47 AM

Thanks for the smile Theresa!

**CountryMom** · 12-21-2002, 09:36 AM

ROTF, very cute.

**SewCrafty** · 12-21-2002, 01:15 PM

That is soooo cute Theresa, thanks for the

**babynurse** · 12-21-2002, 03:04 PM

You're welcome, everybody...some Christmas cheer!:santa:

**mgory29379** · 12-21-2002, 03:16 PM

That was a hoot so we wait for Bubba Claus here.

**dolphin** · 12-24-2002, 08:24 PM

Very funny.

**Mom23boys** · 12-24-2002, 09:07 PM

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

ROTFL!!! I love #8. I wonder if I should wait up for Bubba instead of Santa?