Childhood Christmas Memories

**paelthom** · 12-01-2003, 11:08 AM

Wasn't sure whether to post here or under depression.

I do not have happy childhood Christmas memories. Christmas and every other holiday, like Easter, were terrible for me and as hard as I try I can't come up with happy memories. If I think on it much, it puts me in a terrible depression. I'm not talking just blah holidays but absolutely horrible, memories. Looking back at it now, it boarders on child mental abuse. These people have since passed away so I don't have to share my holidays with them anymore.

I think this is why I tend to go overboard with dd on the holidays, and every other day too. I decorate the whole house, frugally of course. I buy her as much as I can without going into debt and I wrap each one of her gifts up as pretty as I can. We don't have a specific tradition but I try to make the holidays last as long as I can. It's hard though because the depression will creep in.

How about you? If you have bad memories how do you handle it? Does it affect how you do Christmas now? Are all your memories good ones? Do you go overboard because of the past?

**Guest1** · 12-01-2003, 12:06 PM

My first recollection of Easter was my mom dressing me up in my ruffled Easter dress and taking me down to the bar to hand me off to my dad - she said "you can take over for a while" and left me there with him on a barstool...I fell asleep there in a booth...she told me later that I must have been bad all year since the Easter Bunny didn't bring me anything - my dad said that maybe it was just that the bunny couldn't find me in the bar....I quit believing in the Easter Bunny after that - I was 4..........

Christmas was always spent with my mom & dad fighting because my dad would drink too much and start crying about his son (I have a ½ brother 10 years my senior) which my mother took to mean that he wished he was still with his first wife.....I remember waking up on Christmas Eve - thinking it was Santa, I tried to be really still...my mom slapped me so hard it left her hand print on my lower back for about 2 days - she told me that I needed to decide if I was staying with my dad or going with her because they were getting a divorce....I remember crying (some for the slap, some for the divorce talk) and saying that I wanted to go to the North Pole with Santa - she told me that there was no Santa and that Christmas wasn't coming that year....I guess I must've chosen to go with her because I had Christmas Dinner in a truck stop in Lexington, VA off of I64....I was 9.....

Jeez Pat - I hadn't thought about those things in a long time....but almost every holiday in my childhood was spent fussing, fighting, leaving, throwing things, cursing, accusing, etc.... I guess holidays would still bring me down if I focused on all of that.....I think we just reach a point where we have to let go....My daddy is dead now - I'd give anything to have one more Christmas with him, even if it was in a bar....I don't think I "over-do" things because of my past though.....I do try to shift the focus now from Santa & the Bunny to the Christian holiday view....as hurtful as most of my childhood was (and I sometimes think that's why I laugh & joke around so much now) my kids weren't there - they don't have anything in the way of comparison....I try to make each holiday something special but not because of the date on the calendar, but because of them.........each birthday I recap their birth story (leaving out some details! GW & I were babies when Katie was born and said & did some mean things to each other - but she doesn't need to know that!)....each Easter we either go to Sunrise Mass & then breakfast or perform some type of community service - soup kitchen, shelter, or something - so they see what they have instead of what they don't have ~ to this day though, I have never bought them an Easter outfit

......We start Christmas on Advent and it runs through Epiphany - we read a new advent book each year, light our Advent wreath, give a gift to Jesus on Christmas Day, have a birthday cake for Jesus, then have a huge feast on January 6th for Epiphany which ends our holiday - we always try to bake enough to donate to a shelter, our kiddos this year are passing out blankets, coats, socks, etc to the homeless........

Pat, I wish I had a set answer for you on how much of my past has affected the way we celebrate today.....I know in GW's family, everything seems to get overdone - perhaps that will change in a couple of years, who knows....For our little branch of the Bush Family Tree though, we focus more on reaching out to others and less on ourselves - a throw back to when all my folks could see was themselves? Maybe.....

You need to do what's right for you & your family....Memories cannot hurt you unless you give them permission to do so.....

Love ya lots

**paelthom** · 12-01-2003, 12:26 PM

Glad to hear that I wasn't the only one Debbie. I think that for most of the year I have let go, but its just that little nagging that gets me. I have fun with my dd and I think that's what's important. We do go to church and she always makes things to share with others. I feel very blessed that she will not have bad holiday memories, unless you count what I look like on Christmas morning after being up half the night doing the Santa stuff. LOL

**Heather** · 12-01-2003, 12:35 PM

Sending you both lots of Christmas

! Sharing your stories must be difficult and I am just so sad that your childhood was like that. You are both wonderful women and are good, good Mom's and make this a better world!

**Guest1** · 12-01-2003, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by paelthom
I feel very blessed that she will not have bad holiday memories, unless you count what I look like on Christmas morning after being up half the night doing the Santa stuff. LOL

True Story...

When GW was a little guy, they actually spent the holidays with one of the "relatives" who shall remain nameless....this relative was trying to put together one of the many bikes that were being given as gifts that year to each of the children in the family...Dub said that a lot of the kiddos heard the sound of tools clanking downstairs and crept to the top of stairs hoping to catch a glimpse of the Jolly Ol' Elf....instead they got an earful!

At the mega-breakfast the next morning all of the kiddos were talking about how Santa has a potty mouth and how none of them wanted the "P.O.S. bike" but they weren't sure which one it was!

We all still crack up when we think about him cussing out a pile of bike parts & tools! Didn't seem to hurt him in the popularity polls though & we all still love him!!

**heavensent_7** · 12-01-2003, 02:37 PM

I don't have childhood memories of Christmas at all.

Apart from the fact my memory IS bad lol - My parents were Jehovahs Witnesses when we were little and therefore we didn't celebrate Birthdays or Christmas.

I don't know if that's why I am like I am now, but I find it very hard to get into a 'Christmas Spirit' ~ I leave everything until the last minute and then rush to get it all done and it feels like just another day of the week to me.

**guest2** · 12-01-2003, 02:59 PM

I have some very fond memories of Christmas growing up. We have some special friends that would fly over for Christmas and New Years to Hawaii to spend it with us each year. They were our Christmas Family!!!! Until the time they got there, everyone seemed to be cranky and in a hurry. It was not a pleasant scene, but as soon as they arrived, Christmas could officially start!!!

Everyone, including my Grandmother, seemed to come alive when they were around! My children were very blessed to be able to spend a big family Christmas in Hawaii with these dear people before Auntie Joyce and Uncle Lorne passed away. I miss them so much, they have been a part of most of the major events in my life. Their sons are like brothers to me and I really love them with all my heart.

**Julie** · 12-01-2003, 04:46 PM

I don't think I have very many happy memories of Christmas. My earliest memory was about Christmas 1959-1960. At that time it was just my brother and me. The tree fell over and we were both sent to our room without dinner. My mother divorced my father ~1962, the year after my sister was born, and then life in general seemed to be a struggle. Mom was a single working mother with us three kids, and she barely had the money for basic necessities, let alone $$ to spend even on bobbie pins or Christmas presents. We never went without, though. I think since my siblings have married and had children, Christmas has been a happier time for me (the oldest child is 14, youngest is 9).

Julie

**sunshine** · 12-01-2003, 05:39 PM

I have wonderful memoried of holidays as a child. However, it wasn't til I was a grown woman that I found out how awful holidays were for my dad when he was growing up. He got ONE Christmas present the entire time he was at home, and NO other gifts. The one present he got, he had to share with his 4 brothers. One BB gun for the 5 boys.

His parents were alcoholics and abusive. He never mentions it, never speaks bad about his parents. I learned of it from one of his neighbors. When I questioned him about it, he validated the stories I had heard, but said his parents did the best they knew how.

My dad has never been a big one for holidays either- other than insisting we spend TIME together. The rest is irrelevant, and I agree.