Gifts for extended family????

**SewCrafty** · 12-05-2003, 05:31 PM

When do you stop buying/making for extended family?

I have 6 nieces and nephews, 4 of which I do not hardly see. They are teenagers now and do not come to family gatherings very much. Actually I haven't seen them since last Christmas and they live about 25 miles from me. They were invited numerous times while my sister (thier aunt) was here and never showed up. The other 2 I see about once a month or so and always ask how I am doing.

Us adults don't usually do for each other anymore. The ones with families just can't afford it and this year to be truthful, neither can we.

I use to stop buying/making for the nieces and nephews when they turned 18, but I'm starting to rethink this one.

What is the cut off age for you??

**guest2** · 12-05-2003, 05:54 PM

Boy Diana, that's a hard one.

I never see my nephew who lives in Tahiti and my sister and I do not buy gifts for each other or for each other's kids because of the cost of postage. I do buy for my niece who is 3 and our extended family buys for all 3 of our boys, but the boys do try to keep in touch with their aunts and uncles even though some of them live far away.

Personally, I'd give gift certificates or movie tickets to the ones that come to see you and ask about you and just give the other ones cards. If the kids don't care to come and see you or ask how you are doing then I don't think they deserve anything!!!

**homesteadmamma** · 12-05-2003, 05:55 PM

The cut off date for me was when our finances dictated it.

I use to purchase for my brothers, for dh's brothers and sisters and for all the neices and nephews. It got to be quite hairy!!! Our finances finally dictated for us to do otherwise and so we told everyone except my parents and dh's parents (at the time, they are now gone) that we were no longer purchasing gifts. We explained our finances and most of them were actually quite relieved because they were in the same situation as us.

Personally I don't think we need to purchase for nieces and nephews, their own immediate family can do that (unless they are in a situation where they can't). I think Christmas needs to be simplified in every area. I also think in cutting down, others then don't feel they need to purchase for us, thus giving them more $$ for their own little family, kwim.

Thats just my thoughts!!

**SewCrafty** · 12-05-2003, 06:12 PM

Thanks ladies, you have confirmed my thoughts!

It's not that they haven't asked about me, I don't even know if they have been told. It is just that they aren't even making an attempt to come to family gatherings. These are children that used to beg to come to "Aunt DeeDee's and Uncle Jack's" house because we used to do all kinds of things with them that thier parents were a tad over stressed and budget tight to do.

Thier parents are recently divorced so they will now be getting gifts at thier mom's, thier dad's and 2 sets of grandparents homes. Not that this really dictates how I feel about it. They are just getting a tad too big for thier britches and snotty to boot. I don't feel that they should be rewarded for this behavior.

The other 2 children, my brothers', I plan on making a pizza/movie night basket (actually a big stainless steel bowl my sil can use!

) for the family.

**guest2** · 12-05-2003, 06:16 PM

Sounds like a great plan to me Diana!!!

**Heather** · 12-05-2003, 06:35 PM

On DH's side we draw names, the adults draw and the kids draw. Once the kids become 13 they go into the adults. Next year DH is suggesting that we just forget it as there is a limit and hardly anyone sticks to it...they are under!! Plus the fact that we never see 3/4 of them and have no idea how to personalize a gift. We just think enough is enough.

My side we draw names as well and buy for all the kids which for us is 2, next year 3. I have suggested that they stop buying for the kids years ago and we all just draw one name but that didn't go over. Need to cut back here as well as is costs so much, limit is MUCH higher!!

**guest2** · 12-05-2003, 06:41 PM

I just got to thinking about the $ minimum one of my extended family members says we need to spend on each person that we draw names for. She thinks it should be $50 minimum! Since we draw for couples that is $100 per couple. I don't have that kind of money to spend on them let alone my own immediate family.

My MIL took this to heart and is determined now to spend a minimum of $50 per grandkid (she has 5 of them) and I know she does not have the money to do this since she buys for all 5 of them. She and I had a talk the other day and I made her promise me that she would not go into debt buying for my kids.

**SewCrafty** · 12-05-2003, 09:24 PM

We still do for my parents and Jack's mom and I exchange with my sister in Seattle too. But I have spoken to Mom since I wrote this and she even agrees with me --- pass on my sister's kids this year. I will do the movie basket for my brothers children and that is it.

I too have many nieces and nephews, 12 in all on my side, only 4 on Jacks plus my step-son and 2 grandchildren. These last 6 are the only ones I had been buying for, but times are going to change.

**Mom23boys** · 12-06-2003, 06:12 PM

I ahve a total of 9 nieces and nephews total on both sides of the family. I have always bought for all 9 of them. One is graduated and going to college and I feel like I should still buy for her, so I did. I also buy for SIL, BIL, my sister, FIL and MIL, DH's step-mom, DH's grandmother, my mom and step-dad, my dad and step-mom, and of course my own children. I don't know how to cease any presents without hurting someone's feelings. I have done it for 17 years now and would would love cut out some of the people we buy for. I don't buy for these people because they buy for us.......BECAUSE THEY DON'T! DH's sister and family never buys us anyting, his brother and family never buys us anything, his spet-mom never reciprocates either, but I still buy for them all. I think they expect it now. How do I break the cycle???