Christmas is around the

**sanderson76** · 11-03-2005, 10:28 AM

corner and I am just not as excited this year for it to arrive. I think mainly because I have my mind set on getting a few bills off us, and we really want to start TTC our last one in January, but only if we get bills paid down some. The thought of Christmas expense is making dread it this year. Not the season in general. I love Christmas, love decorating our house and the kids in the church Christmas play...It is just the thought of having to buy for people.

My family love the things that I bake, so I am going to make them baked goods which they will treat as if it were a million dollars. But I don't have a big family really and only have my parents, 1 aunt and 1 cousin who I think the world of that I buy for. I already have an inexpensive gift put aside for their 3 children.

However, my stress is DH's family. We have to buy for 13 people on his side and his family isn't the kind that appreciate hand crafted items, inexpensive items or even the baked goods.

Ofcourse this always takes away from what we would like to give our kids and makes it harder on us in general. It just makes me sick to think of all the money we have to dish out over the next month and on top of that my car died last week. It wouldn't be so bad if his family would draw names but they won't do that.

Ok, I have finished venting..I just needed to write it out I suppose. I know it doesn't make it better but it does help getting it off my chest.

**Jayne** · 11-03-2005, 10:43 AM

I'm sorry your feeling so down about the Holidays

....I have been in your shoes with my husband's family....We would go into debt to get them expensive gifts and make a big deal of it and they were so rude and did not appriciate it at all...I had to put my foot down and say no more!!!....They did not like it when we would show up empty handed, so we do not go to their homes at Christmas any more...We spend it with our children and grand kids...I send a very small homemade or store bought gift to my sisters( believe me it is a very small gift)and they treasure them...
Christmas isn't about gifts and I feel sorry for people who don't get it....

**Early Bird** · 11-03-2005, 12:20 PM

Come Feb-Aug timeframe, can you suggest that you 'draw names' on your husband's side of the family? We did that for about the 1st 15 years of our marriage.

Then, when we got to the point of just exchanging gift certificates, I suggested that we drop gifts to the siblings at Christmas.

It's quite nice -- I send them a nice, funny newsletter (and photos of the kids); and I don't feel burdened by shopping for people who have different standards/interests from mine.

**sanderson76** · 11-03-2005, 12:42 PM

I wish DH would let me suggest it..I have no problem with them knowing that I don't look forward to spending all that money every year, but it bothers him. If we had the money, I think it would be one thing..But to go in debt to do it, is another thing.

**Lylac** · 11-03-2005, 12:52 PM

Sounds like you and dh need to have a good talk - I would in no way let buying presents for other people come in the way of what I'd really like to do.

You can make the change - it may be hard and people may not like it. You just have to decide that you are not going to people-please those folks. Sounds like you have bigger things you need to focus on. Good luck!

**sanderson76** · 11-03-2005, 01:14 PM

Thank you for the support. The reason I am giving my family baked items, is well I can't sew or anything but I love love love to bake..so it is something I enjoy and they love getting from me. My aunt always gives me crafts and flower arrangements and I love it...

**pkellyc** · 11-04-2005, 12:53 PM

I went through this years ago with my dh's family. Dh is the baby in his family and his siblings are much older. So when we had small children and were struggling to make ends meet, his brothers and sisters were in their late 40's to 50's some of them had children only a year or two younger than my own dh. After a charge card year that took us almost a year to pay off I put my foot down. I let it be known to my mil that we could not afford to buy like the others and we would not be buying. I also let it be known that I thought it was rude and insensitive of them to put such pressure on us when they knew we couldn't afford it. My mil agreed it was getting to be too much. I left it to her to get the word out and she did. A little cowardly on my part but it worked.

That first year I did feel a little like Scrooge but I had more Christmas spirt than all of them put together. I made the entire meal and made small gifts for each of them. They in turn gave us small gifts. We gave the same as we always have to the kids. I know for a fact a few of them exchanged larger gifts on the sly but that was their choice. I was no longer part of it and that was our choice. I still to this day do not like Christmas over there, we only stay a couple of hours at my mil's and move on to my sisters where we can truly feel the spirt of Christmas. I do go there with a great big smile and wish all of them well.

I now can afford larger gifts for them but exchanging gift cards to people who really need or want nothing? It's not what Christmas is all about for us, and I like things the way they are.