my messed up christmas

**favesis37** · 12-10-2005, 06:36 AM

we have certain traditions, and i am not a person for change, this year everything is falling apart. i am having such a hard time dealing with it all. i had a small mental meltdown.

first everyone shows up here at 6:00,a.m. and we do breakfast, then we undo stockings , then unwrap the gifts from everyone. we save the presents from my mom till around 11:00 after we go get her. we save the presents from my sister till she gets here the week after christmas. this is all christmas day.

christmas eve we go to my sil's, and do presents from that side of the family

this year, we are going to my daughters, i am not filling stockings, my grandson won't be here for any of it christmas day( due to custody) there is no breakfast, and it doesn't start till 9! my mom wont be here( my sister is flying her to her house), and i have gone from buying everything on their lists to buying 2 outfits and a toy. my daughter in law wont' be here because her and my son's new friend can't get along

i took everything i had bought for the stockings and used it or will save till birthdays, i took down the stockings and cried, my hubby got very angry and called the kids and told them this was a bunch of poop.( cleaned it up a little

) that i only cared about 1 holiday and they had no right to change everything. that as far as he was concerned it was going to be here, they would like it and if they didn't they would smile thru it!
the reason for these changes are: my daughter is pg and would rather have it at her house, she has a bigger house. we live out in the country, everyone else lives in town. i know to alot this may seem silly, but i am really strugglling with it. dh has never really gotten angry at the kids, we are such a close family, when he got mad i felt so bad. because i speak with out thinking things thru alot, i said" well if my house is to small for christmas then it must be to small for all the holidays, and when auntie comes in after christmas it will be to small for you guys to be here, it is also maybe to small for me to babysit free everyday! my daughter was crushed, the reason i babysit is because kade is to sickly to go to day care( he catches everything) and then he ends up with lung issues. this has been our arrangments since his birth, the kids have never gone to day care. and i really don't want them to.

sorry this is so long, i just needed to vent, i really feel terrible

**Early Bird** · 12-10-2005, 07:20 AM

Oh, Kim.

I know it's hard to break tradition.

But take comfort from the knowledge that no one was TRYING to be cruel. It looks like they were trying to streamline the plans.

And ... if your DD is pregnant, I can sure understand why she doesn't want to go ANYWHERE at 6 a.m. Christmas morning! [I was a grumpy preggo for all 9 months -- both times -- so I really sympathize w/ the condition.]

**favesis37** · 12-10-2005, 07:27 AM

ty so much, not only is she pg, she has 2 other little ones also. she offered to leave it here, but i am stubborn and said no, it was going to be at her house. the boys are mad because dad jumped on them, my youngest(23) said" i am coming to your house no matter what sister says" i am afraid this is going to be ugly and the only ones hurt will be my daughter and i. my sister told me to get over it,( not at all what i wanted to hear). then yesterday when i found out she was taking my mom, it really got to me. i told my mom " everyone better stop messing with my christmas" she called my sister who then called me. i really want my mom to have fun, and she will . she loves to travel. maybe i need to learn to keep my mouth shut. she hasnt' been with my sister for christmas for 16 years. who knows what this year will bring.

**Darlene** · 12-10-2005, 07:28 AM

First of all

Change isn't always easy but what helps me deal with it is asking myself how can I make this work. We used to go to the inlaws when the kids were toddlers as soon as they got old enough to care we stayed home on Christmas, never made my kids travel. We'll get together maybe the day or 2 after. Now they are older and dd is getting married in a year &1/2. She's going to be sharing her life with someone else who has a family & I'll be sharing her. Then when they have kids they may want to stay home and the cycle continues.
It's inevitable that your kids are going to want to do things and make their own traditions, doesn't mean they don't love you or don't care it's just time fro them to do their own thing.
You can still do stockings but bring 'em with you when you go to your dd's. Make yourselves a lovely breakfast, eat by the twinkling lights on the tree before you go over to your daughters.
It won't be the same but with a little tweeking here and there you can find that it's nice too.

**favesis37** · 12-10-2005, 07:31 AM

my sister told me the sam ething, take the stockings there, but i feel that " santa" fills them not mommom, and they will know the difference. i am really regrettign taking them all down, we had 19 up, and now we are just down to the 4 who live here, it sinot he same. i asked my mom if she had issues the first time we stayed home and got her later, she said" no! i enjoy the peace and quite" lol, gotta love the old lady!

**Darlene** · 12-10-2005, 08:15 AM

I'd tell 'em Santa must not have got the message that they were staying home this year.
I'd put the stockings back up and then when you leave take them down and you'll be bringing the love & cheer to them. Seeing them there until Christmas (looking on the bright side again) can remind you of how many people love you.
Hope you have a lovely Christmas Kim.

**favesis37** · 12-10-2005, 08:26 AM

Darlene, are
you by chance my sister hiding in here? ROFLMBO! i just got off the phone to her again, and she said almost the same thing! you are btoh great ladies! thanks

**Darlene** · 12-10-2005, 08:40 AM

Originally posted by favesis37
Darlene, are
you by chance my sister hiding in here? ROFLMBO! i just got off the phone to her again, and she said almost the same thing! you are btoh great ladies! thanks

Nope, just me.

Glad if I helped you out and made you feel a bit better about things. You are a sweetie.

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-10-2005, 08:40 AM

i'm so sorry. i can totally relate. we look forward to going to my aunts house every year & now she wants to change it to the 1st weekend in january......grrrrrrrr!!!! my kids love going to my aunts house so they can play with their cousins. so this year we are going to have our own little x-mas here & let my kdis enjoy their x-mas gifts here. i hope things get better

& merry christmas