The season for giving

**hollyhill** · 12-23-2005, 03:37 AM

I've been very busy.......and still haven't accomplished all the things on my todo list.....My Mil arrives tomorrow and will be staying with us for a few days

........even after all these years she causes me to feel like a gangly teenager (LOL)....So I was stressing I need to do this and I need to do that before she arrives......well a few days ago I said ENOUGH! Yes, I could have stayed home and to do all those Mil pleaser things OR I could continue on our personal schedule of helping/giving to others.. I opted for the later.

On Tuesday the children performed at the seniors luncheon. yesterday the children performed at the advanced care home for seniors. They also helped me pack a box of food for a struggling family we know and we dropped it off along with a pie and cookies. We then went to a home for mentally handicapped adults with other church members. Our church sponsor's this home every year, we were unable to purchase gifts for individuals like in previous years, but we brought along craft supplies and taught the people to make several christmas crafts. It is always a little "party" complete with Santa and everyone really liked what they made.

Then today we busked for the Sally ann kettle drive again. Ds played cello, Dd played violin and we had 6 different individuals put in $20 bills! Plus many $10s and $5s...the children recieved many compliments and they felt they made a huge contribution to the campain.

Then tonight we went caroling with other choir members around our churches neighbourhood, it was fun and many people cameout and enjoyed our songs, some people would bring out plates of cookies...it felt as if we were helping people to slow down and enjoy Christmas.

I then came home and began to stress again thinking about all the things I should have done to prepare for Mils arrival tomorrow!!!!Then I reminded myself that what we had done was more important....we gave of ourselves to many people..thats what Christmas is really about...not about impressing Mils LOL.

Merry Christmas!

**dwallyfam** · 12-23-2005, 08:36 AM

Hollyhill don't worry about MIL. Just remember that you have done something that speaks of the season.

Kelie

**daddys3chicks** · 12-23-2005, 09:42 AM

You are teaching your children what is important - giving to others and showing the love that this season is about! And, since you are having issues of your own this year, it is even more significant that you are giving what you can. If MIL can't get that then it is her loss! HUGS!

**homesteadmamma** · 12-23-2005, 10:16 AM

Sounds wonderful. Holly, it is far more important to give of ourselves to others, rather than trying to impress MIL's. We need to give of ourselves to them as well, however that doesn't mean stressing to do so.

You're teaching your kids what Christmas is truly all about. Your Christmas with MIL will go just fine.

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.

**hollyhill** · 12-23-2005, 11:54 AM

Thanks Ladies,

Cheryl you made me laugh!
However, I had trouble sleeping last night....and got up extra early to wash the floors again (dog tracked in mud yesterday, thank-fully the kids can take their boots off!)......
I need to breath deep, breath deep, don't worry......She arrives late this afternoon. GULP. Her prickly barbs WILL not harm me.....

**graci42** · 12-23-2005, 12:03 PM

Remember, Dear...You married her son...NOT her! Smile when she says unkind things and remember your dh loves you!

Merry Christmas!
Graci

**Mamaw** · 12-23-2005, 02:56 PM

I dont know your MIL but maybe, just maybe she is so critical because she has no self confidence. My MIL is a very very talented woman. She can do just about anything and do it very well. Yet she continually has to tell everybody what she has done and how great it was and how much everyone complimented her. Plus no matter what anyone else does, she always has to say that SHE would do it somehow different and of course it would be much,much better. I always felt like a second rate person that could never live up to her. Then one day it hit me, she has to criticize others in order to make herself feel good. It must be terrible to have such low self esteem and to always have to compete with the rest of the world! So I decided that when she starts, I will just smile and make some non commital comment. Something very neutral. since I have been working on this, I have noticed that she has also alenated many other of her friends. Maybe someday she will wise up. Anyway, sorry for rambling but just take a deep breathe, relax and enjoy your family for the holidays. I frankly find all that you have done to be inspiring! I wish I had even half the giving spirit that you do! You and your children will be richly blessed because you know what Christmas is all about and you have given your all. Take care, enjoy and give the children big hugs!

**Mamaw** · 12-23-2005, 02:57 PM

HollyHill, I apologize if my post sounds like a lecture. I think you have done the important things for the holidays so dont worry about your MIL.

**hollyhill** · 12-23-2005, 04:22 PM

Not at all! I appreciate your post and wise words.....It is a similar situation here except her insecurities revolve around her other children. So no matter what is happening here her daughter or does it better. Not her other son but her daughter. It is a comparison thing.
She feels if she supports us on an emotional level it is putting her Dd down because we have such different lives. Sil and I don't have any problems we are very different and acknowledge it, its just Mil who likes to stir the pot. Initially it was very damaging because I would feel anoyed with Sil until I realized it wasn't Sil that was causing the friction.
So Mil will be here but saying Sil this and Sil that and everything Sil does is better and everything I do doesn't measure it up....and it all comes down to the fact that I am a stay at home mom who is HORRORS homeschooling, which she thinks is weird. But then I am a Christian which she thinks is weird and I don't live at the mall which she thinks is Weird and if she knew I hung out at a frugal website she would KNOW I am weird......She just is anti anything I do and always has been.
Not that I expect her to be like me......few people are.....however I expect to be treated respectfully and be allowed to be different esp. in my own home but that just doesn't happen and so it ruins some of the joy.....
So I bend over backwards trying to prep everything ahead of time to the best of my ability to minimize the points of contention so that everything will be peaceful....thanks for letting me vocalize my frustrations it eases some of the stress.

**pita1213** · 12-23-2005, 09:45 PM

my mil and yours must be related though i don't usually get compared to her daughters, but to herself when she was younger. ugh.

do what you can to not let her get to you while she is there. and i think you and your dks did a wonderful thing by bringing so much joy to so many people, especailly those you went to visit in the homes. so often they get forgotten during holidays and i know y'all made them feel specail by visiting them.