Do you get grief about gifts you did NOT buy?

**Mamaw** · 12-28-2005, 06:00 PM

Heres the story folks. MIL had told me ( without amy prompting from me) that she wanted my BIL and I to get together and buy her new faucets for the bathroom for Christmas. I did not care to do that for several reasons. One reason is that when we buy something for the house in this way it turns out to never, ever be good enough or be right. Another is that either BIL or DH has to install the item and again, there are complaints that it is not just right. Anyway, instead I bought her several items. A rooster with different outfits for each holiday/season. A set of Beautiful cologne which she loves but will not pay the price for. A white shirt. A halloween sweater and a watch. Spent quite a bit for my limited budget. Anyway, she opens all the gifts, tells me she loves them and thanks me. Then a few hours later when we are washing dishes she looks at me and says," So what about my new faucets?" I blurted out that I just did not want to buy those and therefore I didnt. Now I know she is unhappy with me and will give DH alot of grief when she sees him alone without me being there. At this point, I intend to hold my ground and I will not, will not be convinced to buy the darn things for her birthday or anything. But I am curious, if any of you experience this kind of thing and if so how do you handle it? Maybe I am also just a bit crazy but I really dont like when someone tells me what to buy for them when I never even asked! I mean, come on...if I ask you what you need or would like that is one thing but to just come to me and tell me what to buy you I think if kind of rude. Opinions all?

**many houseapes** · 12-28-2005, 06:08 PM

She was out of line...keep holding your ground

**Dixie** · 12-28-2005, 06:19 PM

She has some nerve!

How tacky!

**AmyMCGS** · 12-28-2005, 07:30 PM

Wow-- I thought my in-laws were rude! Hold your ground. A gift is meant to be something you want to give, not something someone forces you to buy for them.

**homesteadmamma** · 12-28-2005, 07:55 PM

I agree, she was out of line.

Tell her where she can buy the faucets and let her buy her own!!!

**mizniteowl** · 12-28-2005, 08:07 PM

Uh, yeah, very out of line. I can't believe some people have the nerve to do that. Why doesn't she buy them herself if she wants them so badly?

Way to hold your ground

**Pepper** · 12-28-2005, 08:25 PM

I'm with you and all the others here.....Stand strong!

**kaykwilts** · 12-28-2005, 09:38 PM

I am going to be different and give you another side. Maybe she doesn't need all those nice things. What she really wants and needs are new faucets. If she is like my MIL and my own dear mother she doesn't need a new watch, blouse or any more nick nacks but she does need things for around the house that she may not always have the money for. One year my mother needed new light fixtures for her bathroom and we were more than happy to get those for her.

**bamamomto4** · 12-28-2005, 09:53 PM

I see Kay's point,and I also see your point.You didnt ask what to get her. She was out of line telling you,then mentioning again after you gave her some pretty nice gifts. Just sounded..I dont know...greedy and rude to me.

If you change your mind about the fixtures,(for her bday)Lowes and Home Depot aften have sales about this time to move in new models and such. You'll find some nice ones for cheap. BUT....she wouldnt tell me which ones SHE wanted.She'd get what I bought her

**marym** · 12-28-2005, 10:03 PM

That's just not nice

She should be grateful for what she was given. What is it about Christmas that makes the in-laws-ugly?

She needs to learn to accept a gift graciously.

**Michele Annette** · 12-30-2005, 11:03 AM

Sorry Mamaw, that is just awful!

**zakity** · 01-01-2006, 11:11 PM

I would have given her a Home Depot or Lowe's card and let her get it herself.

**MandiDawn** · 01-02-2006, 06:59 PM

I agree, maybe she don't need anything except those faucets. I actually don't like getting gifts because I dont' have any room to store new things (small house) and they are a waste, but I do need a new bathroom like nothing else (I don't even have a bathroom sink right now

). I asked for lowe's gift cards so I can put them towards my new bathroom. I think a gift card would of been nice, (maybe not teh whole amount - just what you could afford) that way she could of picked them out, and a note from DH saying her present was that he would install them.

guest7 · 01-02-2006, 07:48 PM

Asking about it is a bit rude and would have made me uncomfortable. I like that you stood your ground and stated your position. Bravo.

Kind of ironic, but my DH and BIL installed a ceiling light and wall switch on Christmas Day! for my MIL. She has everything a person can ask for- except a safe way to get into her garage in the dark.
But- this was something my DH and BIL thought of on their own. Not something she requested. But she sure did appreciate it. 3 meals worth!!

Stand your ground and only buy the faucet if it is something that you, your DH and BIL want to buy and install for her. That is what gift giving is all about.

You took a great deal of effort and thought to getting her gifts. Be proud of that.

On a final note, mothers tend to lean on thier sons for the 'man help' around the house. I know it's hard to share your husband when time is so precious- but I lost my young mom 2 years ago and sure wished I spent more time doing daughter things with her. So I won't let my husband have any regrets when his mother passes.

**Michelle** · 01-02-2006, 07:59 PM

Originally posted by bamamomto4
I see Kay's point,and I also see your point.You didnt ask what to get her. She was out of line telling you,then mentioning again after you gave her some pretty nice gifts. Just sounded..I dont know...greedy and rude to me.

If you change your mind about the fixtures,(for her bday)Lowes and Home Depot aften have sales about this time to move in new models and such. You'll find some nice ones for cheap. BUT....she wouldnt tell me which ones SHE wanted.She'd get what I bought her