Some Xmas Humor

**pqb57** · 12-06-2006, 02:14 PM

This is too funny not to pass on ...

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my

children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,

sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade

tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list

out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my

son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between

cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,

which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;

but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy

aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh

month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint

resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a

television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking

animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,

Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't

fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in

the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my

voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only

be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough

time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the

luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being

served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to

brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?

It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could

coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment

as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet

under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and

come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave

crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep

my children young enough to believe in Santa for many years to come.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you

know*

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