Office gift giving, solicitations etc. (lONG)

**BetterLateThanNever** · 12-08-2007, 06:17 PM

this topic has probably come up before so sorry if it's a repeat but how do all of you handle giving gifts and such in an office setting.

In the past I was working in a restaruarnt with alot of young girls on staff and it seemed like we went through a period where everyone was either pregnant or getting married. Getting married was worse because you usually had to give two gifts one for the bridal show and one for the wedding. It started to really add up!

So how do you handle it when you have to give a gift for a co worker. Or chip in on a gift but the chip in amount is more than your budget can afford?

Also how do you handle the constant stream of "Will you buy some band candy so my kid can go to Washington DC?" That's actually getting worse than the the baby shower and wedding gifts.

Seriously, I would rather make a $10 donation to the school or organization that I can write off on my taxes than by some overpriced wrapping paper or candle made in China.

I know a simple "NO" seems like a logical solution but as many of you know this issue can be social land mine at work. If you simply refuse it will be held against you and you'll be labeled as "NOT a TEAM PLAYER" I have even seen management get invovled because someone is upset because they haven't gotten a gift from their secret santa yet. It's like that one song "HIGH SCHOOL NEVER ENDS"

Something happened which got me thinking about this
One was a coworker whose giving motto is "I'll give a gift if I want to give you a gift and if not then I won't. No one helps me out so I'm not going to help anyone else out!"

Well this woman approached me last month to buy raffle tickets. I asked what organization the raffle was for and she just blipped over that and told me what the prizes were and that the tickets were $1 each and if I buy 5 i get a sixth one free. LOL so I'm translating this in my heand and thinking that this is for her own personal gain not charity. So i figured the graceful way would to buy a couple but not alot that way I won't feel taken advantage of. So I said " Okay i'll buy 2"

Can you believe she actually had the nerve to to tilt her head down look over the rim of her glasses at me and do that thing with her tongue (Sucking her teeth) that children usually do when they aren't getting their way or you tell them no. The look clearly said "that's all your going to buy?" I just shrugged and said sorry but $2 is all i've got.

Later when I got the raffle tickets I found out it was for her family reunioin.! Seriously talk about hyprocrisy and nerve!

So any good combacks or tactful ways of dodging the office panhandlers?

**Nantahala** · 12-09-2007, 07:15 AM

This is difficult... I just had annual review and my lowest score was about being involved and a part of that is socializing with colleagues, etc.

We do a Secret Santa with my department and this year I pulled someone who is perfect for the whole box of items I was looking to regift - candles, bath sets, etc. So I spent $0.

I am new to my job (a year in April 2008) and I "wanted to look good" so I did buy from two parents hocking their kids' school sales and I spent a TON. :surprise: I will never be doing that again.

Now how to handle it? I am not sure. There's not a whole lot of pressure but if I am questioned about it I will say that we are saving for a house (which we are) and in this area with the starter home going for 200K that makes sense to the majority of people. I already don't eat out with everyone and people are understanding, so I am hoping it goes the same way.

I did struggle with whether or not to buy my co-worker something but I think she'd really rather I not so I am going to her covered-dish party this week and that's about it. I think most people are relieved not to get pulled into the give, give, give mode at the holidays.

**Its_Donna** · 12-09-2007, 07:40 AM

I can certainly relate to this....I participate in our department's Christmas party which this year was a $6.50 donation. I also give a dollar or 2 for flowers for sickness, bereavement, etc. But the Candy, Avon, Mary Kay, fundraisers, etc I just stay away from. I tell everyone that if I buy from one child or buy to fund a certain fundraiser then I have to buy from everyone to make it fair and I make no bones about the fact that I am on a "No Spend unless Necessary" policy....I do not want to be working when I'm 65 y/o. I can't afford to buy from every one so it's best to buy from no one.

Yeah...we have those sections on our annual review regarding "Team Spirit" and "Playing Nice" blah, blah, blah. I want to and do get along with my co-workers but I'm not there to make BFF's, I'm there to earn a living and support my family.

I find if you just put your foot down early, then it will all work out and they will pass you by.

**Squirt** · 12-09-2007, 07:54 AM

I didn't start doing this on purpose, but it happened and now I find that it's a good tactic: I take whatever brochure/catalog they have, look through it, then set it somewhere in my office until they ask for it back or someone else needs to see it. Then I return it or pass it on. Not having time to place the order gets me out of doing it! I feel a little evil, but once I noticed the effect, I kept on doing it. It keeps me up to speed on what's out there, too, just in case I do find something I just can't do without.

As a single non-mother, it really ticks me off to help finance the activities of people's children. They are your children, you pay for their stuff! It ticks me off even more when people do Partylite, Tupperware, or other kinds of "parties" where the amount spent by the "guests" allows the host to get things for free or at a discount. Unless you go host one of these bloodsucking events yourself, you will continuously be the one forking over extra cash for what you buy so that someone else can reap the benefits. It's predatory, in my opinion.

**powerfm1** · 12-09-2007, 08:37 AM

I worked at a women's organization that wanted to do a secret Santa exchange one year. The price set was $10.00. I felt it was ridiculous to buy someone a $10.00 present that they would never use. I spoke up and said that I would rather buy new underwear for women at a homeless shelter than buy something for $10.00 that no one would use.

That's what we did.

Can you imagine finally being able to take a shower after a couple of weeks and not have clean underwear? That's the ultimate humiliation for a woman.

**Nantahala** · 12-09-2007, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by powerfm1

I worked at a women's organization that wanted to do a secret Santa exchange one year. The price set was $10.00. I felt it was ridiculous to buy someone a $10.00 present that they would never use. I spoke up and said that I would rather buy new underwear for women at a homeless shelter than buy something for $10.00 that no one would use.

That's what we did.

Can you imagine finally being able to take a shower after a couple of weeks and not have clean underwear? That's the ultimate humiliation for a woman.

That is 8 kinds of fabulous! I am going to suggest this one for my department.

**REJB** · 12-09-2007, 10:10 AM

Where I work they have a "white elephant" gift exchange (minimum $20.00 gift) plus you have to pitch in for the boss's gift. The gift exchange is not mandatory - last year I went to the party and just watched while they fought over gifts in the exchange (this went on for a couple of hours). Anyway, this year I'll be off on the day of the party so I won't have to watch that. Some of us in the office have suggested donating to a charity instead, but that will never happen where I work. I just don't need anymore candles, throws, etc.

We do have to pitch in for the boss's gift ($20.00 each last year). I have given less in previous years, but it seems like you're the bad guy when you don't want to spend so much. There are 14 of us employees this year so he's looking at least a $280.00 gift card. Last year he gave us a luncheon and a candle. We'll see what happens this year...

**Marie78** · 12-09-2007, 10:32 AM

It seems like every month I am spending $25 or more for "donations" to something. This is where the money I could be spending beefing up a work wardrobe is going!!

October: was candy bars a co-worker's child was selling to raise money for school $10. Also I bougt a magazine subscription from another woman for her child's senior trip fundraiser $24. I also donated $3towards a group wedding gift for a co-worker. We also have a monthly breakfast I bought a pastry for $3. I spent $40 in October.

November: We had another breakfast I brought something for $3, I bought cookies from another co-worker's kids school fundraiser $15. I also participated in our work's Thanksgiving Dinner Buffet (which was yummy and worth the $7). I spent$25 in November.

December: I bought a needy child a gift (work is sponsoring these children) $25, I donated like new (in box) items for our work auction next week (worth around $20+). I also bought a $10 ticket to our work holiday party. I have contributed about $55 so far this month and I still need to purchase my supervisor a gift, which is just what we do at work!

One of my goals for January 2008 is to not be so generous. I am going to allow no more than $20 a month for work "donations." If I reach my $20 I just won't donate after that point. I need will power!!

**Mamaw** · 12-09-2007, 11:19 AM

I love the idea of donating to charity instead of buying yet another candle, pretty little what not or whatever. We normally chip in 20 for the boss gift but that is about it. I dont get hit with too many fundraisers since I telecommute but the ones I do get involved in sure do eat up the $$$ fast. Who can afford it anymore?

**i.m.cheap** · 12-09-2007, 02:22 PM

I made me sick when one year I was working in a restaurant (many single mothers were also employed there) and everyone had to pitch in $10 toward's the boss's gift, which was to be a gift card to Dillard's. The employees got no gift or bonus, in fact the restaurant was closed on Christmas day, and you didn't get paid for that, so unless you were lucky enough to have Christmas fall on your regular day off, you were losing a day's pay. Anyway this restaurant manager was presented with a $250 gift card to Dillard's when his annually salary was already more than double of everyone working there. It just made me ill. He used it to buy himself a nice new leather coat. My daughter was wearing a hand me down coat that year.

**BetterLateThanNever** · 12-09-2007, 03:27 PM

"I made me sick when one year I was working in a restaurant (many single mothers were also employed there) and everyone had to pitch in $10 toward's the boss's gift, which was to be a gift card to Dillard's. The employees got no gift or bonus, in fact the restaurant was closed on Christmas day, and you didn't get paid for that, so unless you were lucky enough to have Christmas fall on your regular day off, you were losing a day's pay. Anyway this restaurant manager was presented with a $250 gift card to Dillard's when his annually salary was already more than double of everyone working there. It just made me ill. He used it to buy himself a nice new leather coat. My daughter was wearing a hand me down coat that year. "

Well at least I did luck out and not have to chip in for a Christmas Gift for bosses. But I hear you on the NO pay for Christmas or other holidays off. Yes servers can make good money but even then it's not like the money is that great that you can just hand over your hard earned money especially for a gift for someone making much more than you.

**kittykatstrong** · 12-09-2007, 05:12 PM

The setting a limit and not going over it is a great idea. If amyone asks you can say, "sorry I have aready spent my limit this month."

**Michelle68** · 12-09-2007, 07:19 PM

Over the years, I have always refused to take my kids' various fundraising order forms to work. My kids could never understand it and would get upset when their friends would get better prizes because their parents would sell stuff at work for them, but I just could not, in all good conscience, put people I work with on the spot to support my kids' fundraising efforts. I hate it when coworkers bring those forms to work and I won't do that to other people.

--Michelle

**yonksgirl** · 12-09-2007, 09:50 PM

Yeah I do not do the fundraiser's either. It is always overpriced, Our school always has basket bingo and other stuff like that. I think we just need to do more stuff like that.

**frugalfarmwife** · 12-10-2007, 02:34 AM

I get them at my door a LOT, from sports boosters to FFA to class drives, I USED to be able to say no to them.

It's funny hubby and I were just discussing this topic, because we've just recently become closer friends with a few families and WHAM we got hit! Have ordered fruit from 2 FFA kids (Hey, at least it's something usable!) and we really support FFA (Future Farmers of America) Coffee from another kid and magazines from yet another.

I told hubby that's what I get for finally being a nice person, lol, when I was witchy I never got hit up for this stuff!

kj