Ready to quit

[mateosbaby]

And not because I don't like it, either. I love being on the program. I know it is helping us. But 2 paychecks ago, his company "screwed up" and gave him too much money, and then 1 paycheck ago, they "fixed" it by giving him less. Shouldn't have messed me up month-wise, as everything worked out in my budget. But, it messed up 2 month's worth of budgets, and I didn't plan for that. We were at our $1000 EF, ready to snowball it to the CC, when we got hit for overdrafts, leaving us with $0 in our checking acct and only about $250 in the savings acct. I honestly feel it was his company's fault, because I needed a certain amount in there at a certain time to pay certain bills, and it wasn't in there (although I thought it was, so I'm not entirely sure what happened there). But we can't really take it up with the company as he just got a raise (and a great one, I might add, although we're not sure when it goes into effect).

Anyway, I've been very stressed out trying to figure out what went wrong, since everything was fine with the budget for the past 3-4 months. Admittedly, I snapped at him because he wants to buy a fan (there's only 2-3 weeks left in the season, it's not needed as we have 2 already that we float around the house as needed), and then we had a huge fight about the whole budget/bill/debt stuff. He point-blank told me he doesn't believe in a strict budget like I've been doing, and he wants to have some fun, too. I told him, I've tried to include him in working out the budget, but he never has time (read: he just wants to play on the computer and not worry about finances). So, I make up the budget, hand it to him, and say, "Is this OK?" He glances at it, looks over the top of the paper at the computer screen, then hands it back, saying, "Sure." What am I supposed to do with that? So, I figure all is well, go about my business paying bills, buying groceries and diapers, planning for his haircuts and blow money, and what thanks do I get? "I want to buy what I want, when I want. I'm not a big spender. A fan is only $10. I don't buy impulsively." Yeah, right. Like the last time you got mad that a shirt collar wasn't sitting right, so you went out and bought 3 more shirts (which don't fit in your drawer, because you already had way more than you wore to begin with). He says he wants to get out of debt, but I keep hearing him say, "I don't want to budget," so we'll never get out of debt. Then he said, "Well, we were doing just fine before paying off the credit card in big bunches." Yeah, sporadically, and then we didn't have savings, so we'd use the credit card again for things like groceries, because we didn't have a plan.

I don't know what to do anymore. It seems the better I get at budgeting and paying off the debt, the worse he gets because he "can't" do what he wants. Last night, after we just got hit with these overdrafts, he went out to a budget movie ($2, and he used change from the change bucket). Today he wants to buy a fan. Is it any wonder I am fed up? He figures we spent $20 for the bank overdrafts, then why can't I spend $10 for a fan? Because we spent twice that for the bank, duh! I just don't get him. He wants the budget in Excel (then put one together for me, I don't know how to do that, but he thinks I do), and then he'd be more on board with it, except he only wants the bills on there, not every penny with a name.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I know he has to grow up, because this is just plain childish and selfish of him. I have about $50 or $60 in cash right now, and I have to buy groceries for the next week from that, plus snacks for my dd's preschool class for the whole week. He gets paid again on Friday. So right now, I'm trying to decide if I even want to bother to try another month.

Sara

[beks37]

Sara This sounds just like my dh when we first started on this budgeting thing! It took awhile, but I think I may have some tips for you. I have made a budget in excel, it is pretty easy. I can send you the template if you want. Just PM me your e-mail. Let your dh make a budget like he thinks it should look, you make yours and then put the two together in a compromise. If it's on the computer he may be more apt to be involved since he'd prefer to be on the computer messing around.

Does he understand the debt snowball thing? You might explain to him by plugging in your bills here: http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx Then show him how long it would take to pay off debts. It worked miracles when I told dh it would take 4 years to pay off the $63K in student loans and two car loans. He is all for it now!

Make sure you are budgeting for "fun" money for dh and you. That way he can go out and buy a fan or a shirt or whatever as long as it's within the limits of the "fun" money.

I wish you all the best, I know how hard it is to make the spouse get on board with budgeting. We are 3 years into marriage and finally making good progress now.

[Ceashels]

http://www.download.com/Debt-Reducti...dlPid=10770227


This is the link Greebo posted in the thread Excel based snowball calculator.


Don't give up. Its a big change for someone who used to spend freely to all of a sudden have tight reins put on them. He needs to have his vote count and the only way he can do it is if he steps a little closer to the plate. He needs to understand that part of the situation.

If the Excel helps him reach that epiphany by getting in touch with his inner nerd all the better.

[MTS04]

Sorry to hear you are having difficulties.

For excel, if that will truly encourage him, you can go online to microsoft and take the tutorials in how to use it and create formulas.

Here's the link

[madhen]

He sounds like me! My hardest challenge is overcoming the "but I deserve it" voice that starts up whenever I get an inkling that there is something I can't live without. That little voice has a sibling, which is the, "oh, it's not THAT expensive, you can afford THAT" voice.

[mateosbaby]

Thanks for all your encouragement. We are doing better today. We had a long talk, went through all the receipts, found out that it must have been snowballing since before we started the TMMO (didn't have as much to budget with as we had thought in the first month, and over a period of months, it just hit us hard), and now are trying to figure out how to take that much out of the income before we start the budget. The most annoying part is that his raise will take effect either this paycheck or next, and it's hard to budget when you don't know how much to budget with. KWIM?

But we'll figure it out and make it work somehow. Wish us luck!

[MTS04]

Budget using your lowest income numbers so that when the extra comes in, you can throw it into your debt snowball and that will go along quicker.

[Squirt]

Yep- budget without the raise. Then you can apply the extra where needed. I don't know all the details here, but if a $10 fan can't be slipped in without a major family upset, perhaps the budget IS too restrictive? How about a miscellaneous allowance in the budget? Not dh blow money, but dh miscellaneous/maintenance money. Whatever is left of it at the end of the month can be applied as extra to the next month's bills. Just an idea...

[Cricketlegs]

Thanks for all your encouragement. We are doing better today. We had a long talk, went through all the receipts, found out that it must have been snowballing since before we started the TMMO (didn't have as much to budget with as we had thought in the first month, and over a period of months, it just hit us hard), and now are trying to figure out how to take that much out of the income before we start the budget. The most annoying part is that his raise will take effect either this paycheck or next, and it's hard to budget when you don't know how much to budget with. KWIM?

But we'll figure it out and make it work somehow. Wish us luck!

The same mith my dhs new raise--some of his checks did get raised but there is going to be another check he hasn't gotten yet as they just now hired someone for his old job so once he gets going on the new job I will know about that new check PLUS his commisson is going to go down....blah

So I just figure the 2 new checks at the lowest amount they could be and then the commission at the lowest--so far I have had extra money at the end of the day.

I agree it stinks trying to run a budget of mystery money.

[Cricketlegs]

As for the "stick to the plan" issue--

STICK TO THE PLAN.

This may sound harsh but I am going to spit it out.

Your dh may not care if he has to live his life in debt, scabbling about but that doesn't mean you do or that you children do.

This is where you have to dig down deep and find your strength and your VOICE to say I want more than this and I know how to get it and I am willing to work for it and if it is crappy for a while then so be it.

Look at the alternative--trying to scrounge up $60 for food and snacks and being thankful you have it?

Nope you want more for your children and yourself.

Is there anyway you can up his allowance and dole it out so it stretches?

Your dh needs to know he is taking your family for a ride to nowhereville and the scenery isn't so great.

STAY WITH THE PLAN!

I am rooting for you.

[missmanny]

Hang in there it will get better. It's good that you've had a chat to hubby and he has calmed down a bit, it is really difficult in the beginning, but once he sees that you are making real progress I am confident that he will get with the program.