disrespectful to DH or good idea?

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 12:08 PM

I'm not sure where to put this. We have been in a financial crunch for over a yr. DH finally got a better paying job and now we have a little wiggle room. Baby step #1 is done, $1000 in the bank with a little extra. I would like to start buying insulation (a couple rolls at a time) to put in the attic. DH hasn't said no but he hasn't said yes. When I try to get a specific answer he says lets find out how much it will cost or it is a good idea or something like that. I have found out a price from a local store so that I can pick it up. I have said that I would hire a teen to watch the dc at our house while I put it in. He still hasn't given me the green light. Should I just go ahead and get it? Would I be disrespecting him if I did? Should I keep putting the money in the emergency fund?

I remember how mad I was about him getting the truck but we couldn't pay cash for it and I had asked him to at least wait until the bills from lo's birth were paid.

I can't put any extra money on bills because DH will say we don't have to pay those bills the next month. I am slowly trying to take over the bills and then I may be able to but until then....

I would appreciate your opinions.

**Izzy0906** · 11-13-2008, 12:14 PM

Just my two cents... when it comes to purchasing items I think it needs to be agreed upon by both you and your husband. I would be furious if I said lets look into the pricing etc.. and he went and bought it anyway.

**tmffv** · 11-13-2008, 12:24 PM

I wouldn't do it behind his back. If anything, next time he is home, just tell him that on such and such day you are going to pick up the insulation which will cost xxx amount of dollars and see what his reaction is. I would also make sure that you have the extra money to buy the insulation and that no bills would go unpaid.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-13-2008, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by tmffv

I wouldn't do it behind his back. If anything, next time he is home, just tell him that on such and such day you are going to pick up the insulation which will cost xxx amount of dollars and see what his reaction is. I would also make sure that you have the extra money to buy the insulation and that no bills would go unpaid.

I think this is a great idea. Just say, hey hon this weekend I am going to get X bundles of insulation and it's going to be x dollars. IF he says okay then you have your green light , if he says WHAT?!?! then you don't do it.

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 12:34 PM

That’s what I am worried about but we have been talking house improvement for almost 8yrs and he will not give me a definite answer on any of it. So, it wouldn't be out of the blue, like the truck he bought when I asked him to wait. Last night he said something about new cabinets in the kitchen. I would love that but we don't need them. The dc's rooms (built in 1960) are so cold in the winter (our room was added about 20yrs later and is insulated better). I told him the price I was quoted for the insulation and he started talking counter tops. What?

The insulation should help with utility cost and I can pay cash for it. The cabinets will look pretty and be on payments. Or he could just get another truck. Not!

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 12:44 PM

I had planned to take the $ I was putting in the savings account for this. That $ isn't included in the budget so we should be okay with bills unless he quits or something. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle telling him.

Sometimes I think he would be relieved if I would make more of the decisions but I don't want to overstep.

**Russ** · 11-13-2008, 12:50 PM

If the room is that cold, insulation in the attic may not help that much. check for drafts at the window(s) and it probably wouldn't hurt to buy one of those films kits for the windows. He shouldn't balk to much at that small amount.

on edit... unless there isn't ANY insulation above the room. Then it would help a lot.

**Lady_V** · 11-13-2008, 01:16 PM

Switch your rooms around... after he freezes his toes off, he may see things your way

Honestly, I wouldn't allow my DD to sleep in a room that is unheated/under-heated.

Until a decision can be agreed upon, I would follow Russ' advice. Plastic the windows. If you think your DH would squawk about buying the plastic kits... trash bags and duct tape! Not pretty, but it works in a pinch, as well as heavy blankets over the windows, extra blankies on the bed and feetie jammies.

Are you planning on selling the house soon?... or more to the point... is HE thinking of selling the house soon?

If this were my dilemma, I wouldn't go out and buy the insulation right now, especially since it will be coming from your savings account and not money put aside especially for it.

If we -needed- to insulate or I would have a DD-sicle, I would do whatever I had to to keep her safe and healthy... he had all summer and most of fall... I would not wait until he got off his butt to do it. I don't think anyone -wants- to do the itchy insulation dance

.

I agree with tmffv -- I would get all the information together about the price... print out installation instructions... grab a cup of coffee and casually mention the date of the event...

BUT -- I seriously wouldn't do it until I knew what was going on in my house...and had the money specifically put away for it.

My Old Man doesn't make big ticket purchases *ahem*truck*ahem without my knowledge. I don't -usually- buy something without him standing next to me... with exception to something we agreed on purchasing, just waiting to find it at a decent price.

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 01:19 PM

I haven't been up there yet but about 8yrs ago DH did and he said it needed some but that doesn't tell me if there is any there or not. If I use the surplus in BS#1 I should be able to get the insulation, weather striping and caulk. I didn't want to use the plastic over the windows, basically because I don't know much about it. Can it be taken off and put back on? Is it clear so that we could see out the window? If I do the weather striping and caulking would it make that much differance? Would it better to just do the plastic and skip one or both of the others? Thanks for your help.

**forHISglory** · 11-13-2008, 01:31 PM

Don't go behind his back, not if you want to keep your marriage. Just tell him that you have found a great price on the insulation and that you are going to install it. That way he knows upfront.

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 01:47 PM

Lady_V, dd is sleeping in the living room for air and heat at the moment. ds#1 will not sleep anywhere but his room. Well, on some of the hottest nights he will sleep in the living room, just not on the couch with his sis. I may have some old blankets to put on the windows. I am the pack rat and must clean out.

We would love to sell the house (we don't like being in the city limits) but the only offer was well below what we owe and at this point I will stay before I go that route.

I put in 200 a month from my payck. It comes out before I even see the ck. It was to get bs#1 done and now we have not quite double DR's recommended amount. This money doesn't have a name and the 200 a month I will be adding doesn't have a name. So, I was giving it a name.

I like to put in insulation. Of course I have only put it in from a crawl space into floor joist. It may not be as fun to make sure I don't step through the ceiling.

Last week, I went to wal-mart to get a $4 Rx and came out spending $17 (fabric rimnets, my weakness but make nice quilts and clothes for the lo). I felt bad so I called DH to let him know I spent more than planned. He gets defensive if I ask why he is spending $7 every other morning at a quick stop.

**Russ** · 11-13-2008, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by ansley

I haven't been up there yet but about 8yrs ago DH did and he said it needed some but that doesn't tell me if there is any there or not. If I use the surplus in BS#1 I should be able to get the insulation, weather striping and caulk. I didn't want to use the plastic over the windows, basically because I don't know much about it. Can it be taken off and put back on? Is it clear so that we could see out the window? If I do the weather striping and caulking would it make that much differance? Would it better to just do the plastic and skip one or both of the others? Thanks for your help.

The 3M window film is one use only. It is clear plastic film and you put double sided tape along the outside of the window frame. Place the sheet on the tape and then blow dry the film and it will shrink to a tight fit. Yes you can see through it.

You will have to evaluate the need for the caulking and weather stripping. If you windows are that drafty it wouldn't hurt to a combination of things.

Why don't you haul the hubbys butt in there and ask him what "WE" can do to make this room warmer? Get him involved!

**ansley** · 11-13-2008, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by forHISglory

Don't go behind his back, not if you want to keep your marriage. Just tell him that you have found a great price on the insulation and that you are going to install it. That way he knows upfront.

Well, we are still married after he got a $10,000+ truck, when the night before I asked him to wait. I didn't tell him not to, I said, "Just please wait until all the dr bills are paid." That was over a yr ago and we still haven't paid off all the dr bills we had then. I am only talking about $500 that I already have. Okay maybe now that I have that out, I can stop sounding like a whiny baby.

I have already told him I found it, I will get it, I will install it, and I will make sure he doesn't have to take care of the dc. What else can I tell him to let him know? I am not talking about going behind his back; I am talking about making the final decision. I was raised, and from what I get out of the Bible, he is to respect my opinion but I am to go with his decision. He isn't making one. Am I overstepping by taking on his role in the family? Would the money be well spent? Should I just leave it in the EF with no name until he gets another wild hair or until we get close enough to paying off a debt that it will finish it off? I can't do the debt snowball because DH will intentionally start missing payments to = the extra I put in.

Getting DH involved, I could pull a semi with my teeth with less effort. He commented earlier this week that those 2 rooms are the coldest in the house. This started another conversation about what to do and another ending of no decision.

**Ceashels** · 11-13-2008, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by rcannon

Why don't you haul the hubbys butt in there and ask him what "WE" can do to make this room warmer? Get him involved!

I think this plan of action is the best. Explain that keeping the house and children warm are far more important than new counters or cabinets in the kitchen. This is the place where the family lives and it is an investment in the future reduction of utility bills.

Why don't you stick your head up into the attic and see what is up there?

It might be that you make a "sinking" fund or wish fund for the money to buy the insulation. It may take a few months but it would be an open and joint effort and help keep the priority on track.

**katybug** · 11-13-2008, 02:37 PM

Honestly some things you've told us about your DH just leaves me

I have similar issues with my DH, but on a much smaller scale. He'll get to talking about the future and grandiose plans and want to talk about them and it is just more then my mind can handle. I have to compartmentalize my life or I'll lose it. I need to spend my energy focusing on less and worrying about other (unnecessary) things as they come. I feel like sometimes I need to grab him by the cheeks and say *focus* one step at a time.

I tend to be a worrier, so unless I keep everything in its own *box* and give it priority on my list of worries, I'll go mad. (Oh you are #999 of 1000 on my list of worries, back in line buster!)

I wish I had advice for you, I really do. I can only tell you if DH hemmed and hawwed about something important about that (and he does) I would just go and do it. Many people have suggested saying to him ahead of time you are doing it and I think that is a great idea. If you can't get him to commit to it with you, just do it.

If he gets upset, you can always bring up the truck.

~KB