DR college vs. retirement?

**peanut** · 11-24-2008, 05:35 PM

I cornered DH about upping the amount we set aside for retirement. We have lots to do it. But he wants to wait and see what DD#2 needs for university first. We promised her up to $2000, if she needs it, this semester. We have most of the money for that.

DH says we can wait till Feb. 2009 before putting more money in the RRSPs (retirement vehicles) for income tax refunds, which is true. But I feel real uncomfortable putting the kids education ahead of retirement right now.

What would you do? Hold off to make sure DD#2 had enough for the second semester? Or put money in retirement funds? We are already putting aside 10% net in retirement a month.

I recognize DR says retirement first. But DH doesn't agree in this case apparently.

Jean

**Denvergirlie** · 11-24-2008, 07:01 PM

Sounds like you as a family have already promised assistance to your daughter. Seeing that it's a small amount I would honor that promise and beef up the retirement in Feb 2009.

All in all, two months is not a long time to wait to up those retirement funds and it sounds like you are already putting money away to some level.

If you chose not to honor that promise, what would your daughter do to come up with that $2K?

**Greebo** · 11-25-2008, 08:32 AM

Ask yourself why DH says retirement first.

I'll tell you why.

Children leave. You and your DH have the rest of your lives together, and while children will always be a part of those lives, the children will ultimately have their *own* lives and their own full time life partners.

You may not be able to help the children as much as you like, but you know if you help them too much, they will depend on it, and when you need them, they will still be depending on you, and will not be able to help you in return, if needed.

But if you pay yourself first, and teach your children to do the same, then you're much less likely to need their help later on, and they, in turn, will learn to prepare for their futures, even better than you did.

**happydog** · 11-25-2008, 10:40 AM

I think that if you have already promised your daughter that you will pay a certain amount towards next semester's expenses, that the commitment you made should come first. She doesn't have time to find an alternative way of paying, unless she can find a loan very quickly, since it is almost December. If it were me, I would treat this prior commitment like a debt, and pay it first, before moving forward with retirement. A promise is a promise, after all.

But, I would also make it clear *now* to DD, that after this upcoming semester, your retirement savings must come first, and she will need to find her own funding, or work to pay for school. Good luck! Cutting the apron strings is very difficult--I know all about it. Our DD is 21, and we had to make some difficult choices too.

**peanut** · 11-25-2008, 12:10 PM

Thanks everyone. I think I was just a bit confused as to how to handle this promise. Treating as a debt makes sense to me. I don't like going back on promises. DD#2 already knows she's going to have to work her way through university. All told, we will give her up to $4000 - the same amount we gave her sister - but this year we've only offered $2000. The remaining $2000 will be for another time...

Jean