I'm Pretty New Here...

**Shelli_wnj** · 04-27-2009, 10:15 PM

I just started with the frugalvillage about a week ago, and just noticed this part of the forums today! I am glad I did. I got the dave ramsey book from the library and started reading it today as well. Here's where I am at... maybe you have suggestions for me?

1. I am separated from my husband, he left after my daughter had major surgery and started drinking again. We still live off of his income.
2. We are in bankruptcy. The hearing is actually next monday. When we filed a year ago I felt there was no other option due to over 100,000 of debt (not including car and house), most of which was medical.
3. I currently have a mortgage (only 4 years into a 30 year loan), a car payment (almost 2 years into a 5 year loan) and a student loan.
4. Even without credit cards (we can't use them due to the bankruptcy) we have more month at the end of the money. We dip into our savings about once every other month.
5. Being we are separated, we can't work "off" shifts. So if I were to work, I would be paying daycare for 3 kids.

Aside from reading the book (in the works), do you have any kindly worded suggestions for me? I accept constructive criticism, but please none of that "why did you have 3 kids if you can't afford them" stuff because we could afford them when we had them. Sorry, I was jaded by family members when we first filed bankruptcy and I cry when people ask me why I had my kids. Sensitive, I know!

Thank you so much, I am learning just from reading your posts!!!
Shellie

**kmonokwe** · 04-27-2009, 10:37 PM

Hi Shellie! Welcome to the village! Let me first say that we are SOOO glad you're here! It sounds like you have been through a lot, and I wish I could just hug you right now.

I don't want to overwhelm you with ideas (this site can be overwhelming on its own, at the beginning), but my biggest thought would be to download Dave Ramsey's podcast every day. Or see if you can listen to his radio show each day. He broadcasts on many AM stations all across the nation, and does 3 hours of call-ins and answering emails every single weekday. If you can't get his show in your area (I can't), you can download 1 hour of it each day for free from the iTunes store. Search for dave ramsey podcast, and click subscribe.

I've read Dave's books and we just finished going through Financial Peace University, and everything he's published is remarkable. But I've really found that the consistency of his radio show, and his unshakeable principals regarding money and the way you handle it - listening to him day after day has really solidified our understanding of money, and has kept us motivated!

Sending hugs and prayers for you, your babies and your husband. I'm sending all of my hopes and prayers tonight for your marriage and your daughter's medical situation.

Welcome to Frugal Village! Please stay awhile

**Shelli_wnj** · 04-27-2009, 10:44 PM

Thank you, Lindsay. That means more than you know! We can always use prayers!!! :-)
Shellie

**mauimagic** · 04-27-2009, 11:48 PM

Aloha Shellie, Glad that you joined us at FV. What I've learned in the past two months is that it is all a process and nothing is done immediately - so welcome to the process.

I love the idea of listening to Dave R - makes it more personal to me.

Your children are blessings in your life. they are what make living worthwhile to me.

Your life will change and won't remain whee it is now - guaranteed!!

Hang in there (and here). Read, listen, post, and get support from those who care and are somewhere in the process too!!

**Cricketlegs** · 04-28-2009, 10:52 AM

Well, right off the top, your children are blessing and don't ever let anyone tell you other wise. The rudeness and outright meanness of people boggles the mind!

Sounds like you are going in the right direction but it will be a long hard ride. You won't really know anything until after the dust settles on your court case.

The best thing you can do is get yourself a worse case plan and put it into action. Then, if it all goes bad you are still in CHARGE of your life and that of your children.

Stick around here for plenty of help and support.

**itlw8** · 04-28-2009, 01:27 PM

well you need to find a way to bring in income....Yes you could still work opposite shifts

But a great solution for many moms is to in home childcare. can you do unregulated childcare in your state Here you can have 4 not counting your own children other states you can not do so

meaning you need to become licensed One advantage to getting licensed is you can join the food program and if your income is low and you qualify your children can be paid also. Plus in that case you would get the higher teir and that is a pretty penny.

Or you can hire a teen to come into your house while you work outside the home.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 04-28-2009, 01:43 PM

First of all, let me welcome you to FV.

Second, let me offer you a few pieces of advice:

1) Get all of your ducks in a row as far as finances go. Come up with a budget that includes total income, expenses paid and then what's left over. Cut back to what you absolutely need to get by (this being mortgage, transportation, etc.) and ditch the rest.

2) You need to find a source of income that is not dependent upon your separated husband's income. If this means going back to work, then that's something you need to do. Daycare in most states is subsidized but if you guys are separated, they're going to count both of your incomes. If you're divorced, then your income will be counted and the subsidy will apply to you.

3) You need to ask friends and family members if they can help out as far as daycare in case you end up with having to work odd shifts, etc that the daycare will be closed for. You also need a second daycare source if the daycare closes due to bad weather, but you're still going to work and there's no school for the kids (usually for the same reason that the daycare would be closed).

Good luck.

**ladykemma2** · 04-28-2009, 02:53 PM

hey (that's texan for hello)

you can listen to the dave ramsey radio archives for free (with commercials) on the radio archives section.

i went through the divorce thing last year and i understand what you are feeling.

cut everything. you don't need cable. switch to $20 internet dial up, cut cell phones, get a trackphone from walmart, decide if you need a home phone.

decide if you can afford the house. i chose to keep the house and am house poor now.

i don't want to overload you. but when you are ready i can help with post divorce budget.

**jamie79** · 04-28-2009, 11:07 PM

Cut everything that you can and do not buy anthing that is not a need. U do need to have some income coming in from somewhere. If you husband and you are on good terms as far as the kids then can you work opposite of him and he can watch the kids? Try to declutter and have a yard sale to bring in some quick cash

**missmanny** · 04-29-2009, 06:25 AM

welcome welcome welcome...

You have come to the right place to stay motivated and pick up heaps of practical ideas that will help you to reach your goals.

A journey starts with a single step and It sounds as if you have already taken yours so now you are off towards the goal line.

who are these people who have told you that you shouldn't have had your kids... whaile I agree that people shouldn't have kids if they can't look after them, falling on hard times does not in my opinion even come close. None of us - even your so called frinds and family can ever guarentee that nothing of this sort will heppen to them, most of the world is only one paycheck away from a financial emergency so who are they to judge.

thats just my 2 cents on that matter... anyway good luck with everything, make sure that you let us know if you need any support while you are getting to a better financial place.

**Shelli_wnj** · 04-29-2009, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by jamie79

Cut everything that you can and do not buy anthing that is not a need. U do need to have some income coming in from somewhere. If you husband and you are on good terms as far as the kids then can you work opposite of him and he can watch the kids? Try to declutter and have a yard sale to bring in some quick cash

I have already cut everything I can see. I may list my expenses and see what others would do, I am currently writing them all out. My husband and I are on OK terms, but he is living about 2.5 hours away. So opposite shifts really isn't an option. I am planning a yard sale - hopefully it will bring in enough to cover either 1. the deficit for the next month or so, or 2. enough to cover at least one of the bills to pay down to a point where the budget works.

Currently we are about $500 a month off, on average. his income isn't stable, so I took an average of 3 months to see what he averages, and our out is $500 more than our in. I gotta figure this out!!!

**kmonokwe** · 04-29-2009, 12:50 PM

Shellie, go ahead and list your expenses. The villagers here are very creative in finding ways to cut back on things you never thought of! Have you thought about doing in-home daycare, or even just babysitting? If you have a vehicle, you could even be a nanny, and take your own children with you. If you have any family nearby, you could get a part-time job delivering pizzas, while your family watches your kids, even for just a couple hours a week - anything to get your income up.

**Shelli_wnj** · 04-30-2009, 04:32 PM

I am going to post a separate thread in the DR forum with my expenses. Can you follow me there? thanks!!! They can't kick you off the forum for starting too many threads, can they??!! LOL

**MomToTwoBoys** · 04-30-2009, 04:55 PM

Nah! I think a lot of us would be gone if they did.

Ask away! That's what we're all here for.

**rowdy35** · 05-03-2009, 01:30 AM

if you can't get a job right now due to the finances you might want to think about selling the house and car. you can find a rental and apply for state aid so you won't be dependent on your husband. that is if the marriage is over and you don't want to reconcile. once you get set up in your own apartment and you have some financial assistance you can look for a job or go to back to school for training. as a single mom the state will help you get back on your feet. you are just going to have a rough time of things for a while but you will be ok. hang in there.