At a crossroads, big dilemma, need help!

**mateosbaby** · 11-10-2009, 11:27 PM

So we keep going in circles here, and we want some outside, unbiased opinions. In a nutshell:

Our goals:

1. Bigger house with more yard in the country
2. Move away from Milwaukee
3. Do something we enjoy (namely, what we are being called to do)

Called to do:

1. Matt: Biblegrow.org
2. Sara: homeschool, live more rural/self-sufficiently
3. Both: live more simply with more family time

"Small" technicalities:

1. Job
2. Selling house
3. Location

So based on these things, we can't figure out how to make them all fit together. There is cost of living, paying off our debts, and also possibly saving up some money as an emergency fund should he need to have no job for a bit while building up his site to consider. There's also insurance to consider (well, Obama may have taken care of that one for us :roll: ). Where will we live while we sell this house, especially if Matt gets a job before this one is sold (if we head to the Twin Cities, we can live with family temporarily, anywhere else and we'd need to rent for awhile)? As for the job itself, if he programs all day (which is what he is skilled in), then he won't want to program at night. If he does customer service (the other area he has experience in), he still will not want to come home to work again (we're already getting rid of his side business so he doesn't have 2 jobs). If he does something different, it will most likely be entry-level, with a significant pay cut, plus the added stress of working all day to come home and work again on the website.

I hope this makes sense, because we could really use some help seeing God's plan here. Thanks for any insights/help/advice you can offer.

**Molemommy** · 11-11-2009, 03:00 AM

Keep looking on him and he will guide you through to your right path...

**Thevail** · 11-11-2009, 04:42 AM

I'm sure you'll find the way to what you want..

I have to say though, that it seems as if it will be hard for anyone to have two jobs AND spend more time with family. Ya' gotta sleep sometime.

**NikoSan999** · 11-11-2009, 09:04 AM

Sounds like the only way to not have two jobs is to do the work from home thing only. If you HAVE to have the outside pay then it's 2 jobs unless the work from home covers everything. Or you work also.

**MaryCarney** · 11-11-2009, 09:13 AM

While it seems like you have two mutually exclusive goals (more family time-less work / debt payoff) I would suggest that you are not seeing your time frames as linear. In other words, it seems (and I may be misreading) that you want all these things to happen at once.

Could you work part-time and homeschool (I've done it for 23 years, and worked 15 of them with four kids, so I know it can be done) while getting to the financial place you want? Knowing that you'll be putting yourself closer to the overall goal in the end.

And why can he not be getting the website going now, while still in current employment? Seems like that type of business, once established, is highly portable, and you could move later.

I know from our situation, that we did not have a much 'family time' as we would have liked, but the kids were on board with getting debt-free, and understood the rewards once that happened (and it did happen and we are reaping the rewards)

Anyway, just thoughts to consider from someone who's been there! Best wishes in your adventure!

**a.nonymous** · 11-11-2009, 09:19 AM

I'd recommend you get 'gazelle' intense on biting through your debt, and once that's done, apply the unused, freely available intensity to make the home business take off.

**starsapphire** · 11-11-2009, 11:28 AM

What I would do is get the debt paid off and the EF built up as steps one and two. It will make everything else alot easier and increase your chances of success as you work on achieving your goals.

Keep your eyes on the prize and don't let anyone tell you you can't do it/it won't work because of xyz.

Don't listen to 'monkey mind'. He's that little voice inside your head that really starts getting loud when you start putting your plans into motion. Telling you stuff like 'you can't do this, because what if...', and 'maybe so & so was right, this isn't a good idea'. Its just your fear getting in the way of your dreams.

Keep a good balance between knowing the net will appear when you take that leap of faith and having realistic, doable goals.

Its going to take time to have everything fall into place. Getting the debt paid off and the EF built up takes time. Getting all the information you need to make your plan succeed takes time. If you remember it will all happen in God's time and not your time you will have more chance of success. Don't get impatient and rush the process.

Have a plan B just in case.

Good luck and remember we're all here to root you on.

**mateosbaby** · 11-12-2009, 12:06 AM

Thanks for your insights. We really appreciate the different perspectives.

Yes, it is kind of an all-at-once type thing going on here. You may remember that we were trying to sell our house, but it wouldn't sell, and the realtors kept wanting to drop the price, until finally it was $15,000 under what we had paid for it. Last year we wanted to move. This time, though, we need to move. There are a lot of personal issues going on in the area we live (including hubby's job, some family problems, and some church issues), and those issues can best be dealt with by getting out of Dodge, so to speak. It's just too much stress and emotional "stuff" here. We honestly can't take it anymore. House size aside, it's just not a happy area for us anymore, one that will not get better with time unless we get out of here and get a big change.

So we'd love to pay off those debts asap, which we have been working on as best we can (just paid off the credit card last month), we just aren't sure what the best direction is right now for us. It's been tough trying to figure out exactly what God is calling us to do and how to do it, and now that we're realizing the callings, the "how" part is tripping us up big time. We don't want to rush it, but we've been pretty patient for quite a while now, and the push is there. There is a time to wait on God, and there is a time to help it along, and we believe this is the time to get going. Now, how to do it... Again, back around in circles.

**Imarachne** · 11-12-2009, 07:21 PM

Try not to overthink things--sometimes we block forward ideas by worrying too much. Take a deep breath !

**starsapphire** · 11-12-2009, 10:51 PM

Originally Posted by mateosbaby

Thanks for your insights. We really appreciate the different perspectives.

Yes, it is kind of an all-at-once type thing going on here. You may remember that we were trying to sell our house, but it wouldn't sell, and the realtors kept wanting to drop the price, until finally it was $15,000 under what we had paid for it. Last year we wanted to move. This time, though, we need to move. There are a lot of personal issues going on in the area we live (including hubby's job, some family problems, and some church issues), and those issues can best be dealt with by getting out of Dodge, so to speak. It's just too much stress and emotional "stuff" here. We honestly can't take it anymore. House size aside, it's just not a happy area for us anymore, one that will not get better with time unless we get out of here and get a big change.

So we'd love to pay off those debts asap, which we have been working on as best we can (just paid off the credit card last month), we just aren't sure what the best direction is right now for us. It's been tough trying to figure out exactly what God is calling us to do and how to do it, and now that we're realizing the callings, the "how" part is tripping us up big time. We don't want to rush it, but we've been pretty patient for quite a while now, and the push is there. There is a time to wait on God, and there is a time to help it along, and we believe this is the time to get going. Now, how to do it... Again, back around in circles.

Nothing in your OP stated your situation was urgent so my PP doesn't really apply then. All I can suggest is what you already know - keep doing the best you can.

Best of luck.

**never2late** · 11-13-2009, 09:12 AM

Is moving out of Milwaukee and commuting back for work feasible? We live about 35-40 minutes from Milwaukee and there are lots of people who commute each day. You will find though that the further away you get, the more affordable housing becomes, but the further commute you have.

**mateosbaby** · 11-13-2009, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by never2late

Is moving out of Milwaukee and commuting back for work feasible? We live about 35-40 minutes from Milwaukee and there are lots of people who commute each day. You will find though that the further away you get, the more affordable housing becomes, but the further commute you have.

Hey, a fellow Milwaukee-an! Cool!

That's the thing, dh can't stand his job anymore (it's more complicated than just being bored or not liking it), and there are a lot more things that are making us just want to leave Milwaukee altogether. Commuting isn't a problem to a point, but dh doesn't want to spend hours commuting to and from work every day, kwim? Not to mention the waste of gas, and money for gas and maintenance. Ideally, we were thinking of moving up near the Twin Cities (I have family there) so that he can work on the outskirts of the Cities and yet not have a huge commute from a more rural setting into downtown Minneapolis or St. Paul. But we're not opposed to other smaller towns and being able to live even more rural than originally planned.

We had actually looked last year at some houses/land out in Oconomowoc, and while we loved how far away it was and the prices, we didn't like the commute at all. It was just so long, and couple that with rush hour traffic, it would take forever to get to and from work (right now he's in the Third Ward, so it's way downtown).

We had even thought about Madison last year, but same problems, and that certainly doesn't work if he works in Milwaukee (although we do know someone who lives near Madison and works on the northside of Milwaukee - we think he's nuts LOL).