Saving for wedding while still in debt?

**Frusciante_fan** · 02-13-2010, 04:12 PM

Question for anyone who would be kind enough to provide input.

I've been on Dave Ramsey's plan for a short while now, and I should have my last credit card paid off in a couple months. I'm 26, work full time making decent money, and I'm also in law school for another 2 years or so. Even after my CCs are paid off, I'll still have around 100k in student loan debt that is in deferment. I'm proposing to my gf as soon as I can purchase a ring in cash after the CC is paid off. Is it OK for me to be saving money for a wedding while I still have all of that loan debt hanging over my head? There's no way I'll have it paid off anytime soon and I don't want to wait much longer for marriage (we've been together for 8 years). We're not going to go lavish on the wedding. We were thinking a destination wedding/honeymoon in one and invite a small group of people. Any thoughts or concerns?

**ladykemma2** · 02-13-2010, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Frusciante_fan

Question for anyone who would be kind enough to provide input.

I've been on Dave Ramsey's plan for a short while now, and I should have my last credit card paid off in a couple months. I'm 26, work full time making decent money, and I'm also in law school for another 2 years or so. Even after my CCs are paid off, I'll still have around 100k in student loan debt that is in deferment. I'm proposing to my gf as soon as I can purchase a ring in cash after the CC is paid off. Is it OK for me to be saving money for a wedding while I still have all of that loan debt hanging over my head? There's no way I'll have it paid off anytime soon and I don't want to wait much longer for marriage (we've been together for 8 years). We're not going to go lavish on the wedding. We were thinking a destination wedding/honeymoon in one and invite a small group of people. Any thoughts or concerns?

i would recommend watching frank capra's "it's a wonderful life" and look at the "weekday wedding with close family at home" idea.

they were just as married. you could even have a tiny chapel wedding at your house of worship and take 20 friends out to eat. or you could make everyone dinner at your house after. or your mom's.

costly weddings have gotten out of hand.

**mama2James** · 02-13-2010, 04:56 PM

Even a small destination wedding would cost thousands. Also, this is personal bias, but I feel like destination weddings are asking a lot of your family and friends. If they want to celebrate with you, they have to cough up a lot of money. Can all of the people you would invite truly afford to attend?
If both you and your fiance-to-be are comfortable with the idea of a small wedding , similar to what was previously posted, you would be living within your means and you'd get to be married to boot!

If it is very important to you and/or your fiance to have a bigger, more traditional wedding than you can pay for out of your cash flow now, it sounds like you should wait until your debt is paid off and you have your 6 month emergency fund in place.

**Contrary Housewife** · 02-13-2010, 06:06 PM

I think it's a good idea to work on a "wedding fund" while you are paying off the CCs. It should not replace paying down the CCs though.

I'm another big proponent of modest weddings. It's seldom a good idea to start a new life and relationship in debt from an expensive wedding.

**Frusciante_fan** · 02-13-2010, 06:30 PM

My CC will be paid off in about 2-3 months, after that it's a mountain of student loan debt that is still in deferment. We have no desire to finance any of wedding. In fact, we've already started discussing how much we think we could save in about 18 months time. I think we could probably save close to 20k during that time, but I don't want to part with that much when I have the student loan debt looming.

I was more of the mind that we pick a place like Mexico, spend the 2-3k it would cost for an all-inclusive 10 day stay and just invite the parents, siblings, and a couple friends. If they can afford it and don't mind, great, if not, no hard feelings. We'll have a BBQ when we get back

I guess the problem I'm having is that I feel GUILTY just thinking about spending any money that isn't going to debt or a 6 month savings.

**ladykemma2** · 02-13-2010, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Frusciante_fan

My CC will be paid off in about 2-3 months, after that it's a mountain of student loan debt that is still in deferment. We have no desire to finance any of wedding. In fact, we've already started discussing how much we think we could save in about 18 months time. I think we could probably save close to 20k during that time, but I don't want to part with that much when I have the student loan debt looming.

I was more of the mind that we pick a place like Mexico, spend the 2-3k it would cost for an all-inclusive 10 day stay and just invite the parents, siblings, and a couple friends. If they can afford it and don't mind, great, if not, no hard feelings. We'll have a BBQ when we get back

I guess the problem I'm having is that I feel GUILTY just thinking about spending any money that isn't going to debt or a 6 month savings.

die hard dave advice would be - you don't get a trip until end of baby step 2, paid in cash.

i would guess that your guilty feelings are right on target.

if i were running your life, i would plan a vacation after you were finished with step 3.

**Lady_V** · 02-13-2010, 07:15 PM

Okay, since I don't like telling people what to do, I will tell you what I would do if I was in your position...

If I knew I would have 20K saved in 18 months time, I would SAVE IT - period. Put it in the bank and look in to starting to payback early.

If I knew I would have 20K in the bank in 18 months time and I wanted to get married, I would try to save a little more and be happy knowing I have a nice egg in the bank.

If my partner was head-set on a wedding/honeymoon in Mexico and I was still in law school, I would consider options.

Small scale wedding, LOCAL, at a parents house... I'd even consider having Mexican food. A nice hotel for the wedding night... the 2 of us. Start saving for a honeymoon (for TWO) after graduation.

My thing about destination weddings... ya, some people can't make it... but what if the people I -want- to be at my wedding can't afford it? Can I afford it? Can I afford it for everyone who we really want to be there?

My LAST thing about destination wedding is... YOU TAKE YOUR FAMILY ON YOUR HONEYMOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! No way, no how!

So... me... I would do small and postpone the formal honeymoon until graduation since I would want to go somewhere after graduating law school.

**bumplett** · 02-13-2010, 07:27 PM

If I were in the same position:

I would have a small local wedding, no extreme costs, and save for a weekend honeymoon - again, modest, but just the two of us.

wait, that sounds fairly similar to what we did..... yep, I'd do it again!

good luck with whatever you two decide - and I wish you many years of happiness, which shall come regardless of where you are married or how much it costs

**Greebo** · 02-13-2010, 07:43 PM

Ceashels and I were married in 2003 on a $2000, not including my suit.

I have no problem with you getting married while getting out of debt, assuming you and your spouse to be are on the same page financially, but I would keep the wedding small and as inexpensive as possible - paying cash for everything.

Save the honeymoon for later. We took ours in 2005 on a Caribbean cruise. (Note however that we didn't start DR until 2008 - the cruise just got delayed for other reasons.

But we paid cash for the cruise. Well, Ceashel's mom did anyway.

)

**JoJoBean8** · 02-14-2010, 10:45 AM

When I got married we went to Vegas. We were playing on having a blessing and party on our one year anniversary but my daughter decided to come along and that plan got squashed. But if you don't want to spend a lot you could get married just the two of you and then have a party. We had a nice dinner with my family and had a small wedding cake and it was great. Another idea is if you know people who could do things for the wedding ask them to do that instead of a wedding gift. Know a florist? Someone in the jewelry biz? A dj? That would cut down costs a lot. I always wanted a nice wedding but after I was married it no longer mattered. All that mattered was spending the rest of my life with the man I love. We could have been married in a cardboard box and it still would have been wonderful!

**Siebrie** · 02-15-2010, 07:27 AM

I was in roughly the same position you are in now. We had a small wedding at the registrar's office (but it's a lovely office: the building is at least 300 years old), followed by a picknick at the city farm, all self-catered and self-decorated. We had about 20 guests. Our honeymoon was 1 night at a local 4-star hotel. Total costs including outfits: around $1,500.

(14 months later, we dropped dd off at my parents' and went to London for the weekend. We still refer to it as our 'honeymoon'. That cost us about $350.)

We gave our guests the promise of a bigger party and a church wedding as soon as we have the funds, which won't be for another 5 years!

**mauimagic** · 02-15-2010, 01:50 PM

There does seem to be total agreement here - and I'll just add my voice to the majority.

The party and the fun that cost the big bucks can wait, Starting your lives together based on a total commitment is something else. Have a simple wedding - the important thing personally is to have someone take pictures, won't bore you with the details, but pictures are a good thing no matter where or when you get married.

And please let us know what you decide!!

If I were you, I'd figure out a way to get married at the STL zoo - one of the most wonderful places in the world!!

**xtena** · 02-15-2010, 02:06 PM

I never had a 'wedding' but DH and I are still married after more than 20 years, for better and for worse :-) but mostly better.

We were in China and my husband took our paperwork to the registration office for interracial marriages (not exactly called that, but it's what it was). He was interrogated as to why he wanted to marry a foreigner. Fortunately I wasn't interrogated. They said come back in a week to get your marriage certificate. He went back and it wasn't ready. He went back two days later and it was ready, so we were officially 'married'.

Romantic? No. But I've got several friends and relatives who had so called romantic dream weddings whose debt burden from their lavish celebrations outlasted the actual marital union.

I would say, save your money; have a small local wedding; if you want a 'honeymoon' pay cash for a staycation, perhaps at a reasonable hotel. Pay off your debt and then pay cash for a great honeymoon when you can afford it.

**missmanny** · 02-15-2010, 11:49 PM

I would not put my wedding on hold so that I could pay off debt instead. To my mind the marriage is important enough that you shouldn't feel guilty about doing it while you are still in debt.

That being said, I do not believe that it is the sensible thing to do to have a lavish wedding while you are in debt. I'm sure that have an opinion as to what is excessive and what is reasonable spending, you just need to be comfortable with what you are doing.

Weddings mean different things to different people.

I am currently planning my wedding. I am debt free and not prepared to borrow. We considered a destination wedding but felt like it was too much of an imposition to ask out nearest and dearest to attend. Instead we will have a very small wedding at home and then take ourselves off to a destination.

To me wedding are about committment and family so something lavish is not on the cards for us, it will be small and all up will cost no more then $2000 - $3000 dollars - I know some girls have different expectations to me though!

**Jmarie** · 02-16-2010, 09:09 PM

Im am/was in the same situation as you. For us, the destination wedding ended up being cheaper for us compared to something stateside and local. DH and I got married last year (JOP) and have planned our "wedding" exactly one year to the day this year in Mexico. This gave us the from the time we got engaged (10/08) to this April to have our destination wedding paid for. So far, our wedding is costing us about 4K for a two week stay (2 all inclusive luxury resorts + air).

We have been able to not only save for the wedding, but to also pay off other debt as well. When we got engaged FI had no debt and I had 1 CC and 4 student loans. Currently, our debt is our mortage and 1 of my student loans, which will be paid off at the end of this year.

I think I should add that kept putting away in our regular savings accounts as well. We just cut out a few extra things, like lunches at work (I brown bagged, DH went home for lunch), taking the metro to work vs $15 for parking at work, etc.