Debt & Guilt

**jills55** · 08-10-2010, 09:20 AM

We're all signed up for Dave's class to start in a few weeks.
I'm going through our debts:
Chase card $5k
Bank of America $6k (this is for siding replacement on our house, you could put your fist through it it was that horrible)
GE (new flooring) $3300
Home depot $5k
Car loan: I think around $13k

I have this huge amount of guilt that I feel about this. Does anyone else feel like this? How do you get past it and start working? We were so close and then for some dumb reason start racking up more debt!

I feel so bad because I feel like if we didn't have this debt I could do more for my kids (two boys ages 8 and 6). We've these plans to have all our debt paid off by now and take them to Disney... but I have no idea how we'll be able to pay all this off in time for them to be young enough to enjoy something like that, you know? I know that plenty of kids grow up not have elaborate vacations or anything, but right now we can't afford to do much of anything.

Ok, I'm done complaining.
Any suggestions on how to move past guilt and work towards the future? I know that regretting my past decisions does nothing to change them, but I still find myself beating myself up for them.

**Greebo** · 08-10-2010, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by jills55

We're all signed up for Dave's class to start in a few weeks.
I'm going through our debts:
Chase card $5k
Bank of America $6k (this is for siding replacement on our house, you could put your fist through it it was that horrible)
GE (new flooring) $3300
Home depot $5k
Car loan: I think around $13k

I have this huge amount of guilt that I feel about this. Does anyone else feel like this? How do you get past it and start working? We were so close and then for some dumb reason start racking up more debt!

Why did you start racking up debt again? What, exactly, do you feel guilty about?

I feel so bad because I feel like if we didn't have this debt I could do more for my kids (two boys ages 8 and 6). We've these plans to have all our debt paid off by now and take them to Disney... but I have no idea how we'll be able to pay all this off in time for them to be young enough to enjoy something like that, you know? I know that plenty of kids grow up not have elaborate vacations or anything, but right now we can't afford to do much of anything.

What, you think they'll be 30 before you pay off your debt? You've got 32.3k in debt - and 13 of it is a car you should be selling to replace with something that costs half as much. Even if you keep the car - really? 32k isn't going to take that long if you REALLY get serious, DON'T blow money you can't afford on vacations, and get some extra income coming in. Maybe 2 years if you really push it.

I just spent a week in Disney with a 6 yr old - believe me, they do NOT get all they can possibly get from the experience. If he's 10 and your oldest is 12 when you go, they'll enjoy Magic Kingdom just as much and they'll get a LOT more out of Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom.

Any suggestions on how to move past guilt and work towards the future? I know that regretting my past decisions does nothing to change them, but I still find myself beating myself up for them.

Don't use your guilt as an excuse to not do better. Too many people use more debt to placate their guilt in the short term, increasing their long term guilt. The only way to stop the guilt is to stop the guilt causing behavior.

**Inkstain82** · 08-10-2010, 09:42 AM

I'll start feeling guilty about my debts when they stop making money off them.

**jills55** · 08-10-2010, 11:05 AM

Thanks, I needed a bit of a kick in the pants.
We started adding to our debt due to the repairs on our home, which really we couldn't NOT do since we could have done major damage if we left our siding rotting. And we bought new flooring for our house. We certainly could have skipped this. I second guess a lot of decisions.

I know that I need to make sure my guilt doesn't stop me from moving forward. I'm hoping the FPU we do next month will help with some tools on how to move forward.

I like this:
The only way to stop the guilt is to stop the guilt causing behavior.

I'm going to make that my mantra.
Thank you. I did need to have someone lay it all out for me.

**Greebo** · 08-10-2010, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by jills55

Thanks, I needed a bit of a kick in the pants.

It's a gift.

We started adding to our debt due to the repairs on our home, which really we couldn't NOT do since we could have done major damage if we left our siding rotting.

Not to kick you while you're down - but you *could* have pulled down the rotten siding and used a staple gun, black plastic and tape to cover the side of the house while you saved up for replacement siding.

We've got some ppl in our neighborhood that added a new room to their house - the siding took a good year and a half to get completed, and the project in general moved ... fairly slowly. I'm guessing here, but I think they did it w/o debt, judging by the pace of work.

Food for thought ,next time you "need" repairs.

I'm going to make that my mantra.
Thank you. I did need to have someone lay it all out for me.

Now stop feeling guilty and go make some changes!!

**satarac7** · 08-10-2010, 12:52 PM

I think that FPU will get you in the mindset you need to start tackling your goal.

Keep reading the forums. We are all here to kick you in the rear if needed.

**frugal is fun** · 08-10-2010, 01:22 PM

And once you do start making better financial decisions, you'll start to feel better about yourself and you'll want to do even better. Bad is a cycle but Good is a cycle too!

**Russ** · 08-10-2010, 01:24 PM

Well said Judy!

**jills55** · 08-10-2010, 02:03 PM

thanks everyone!
I also probably need to quit beating myself up for things like spending a bit more than our budgeted amount on groceries (like I go over by $20 and feel bad).
I need to feel better about spending my "fun money"

And I look forward to being able to be held accountable!!

**Russ** · 08-10-2010, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by jills55

thanks everyone!
I also probably need to quit beating myself up for things like spending a bit more than our budgeted amount on groceries (like I go over by $20 and feel bad).

I can solve that. Only go with your alloted budget. First time you hold up the line figuring out what to put back, you won't go over again.

**jills55** · 08-10-2010, 02:22 PM

I know, I know..
man, I'm not going to be able to sit down later

**Greebo** · 08-10-2010, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by jills55

thanks everyone!
I also probably need to quit beating myself up for things like spending a bit more than our budgeted amount on groceries (like I go over by $20 and feel bad).
I need to feel better about spending my "fun money"

And I look forward to being able to be held accountable!!

Use CASH at the grocery store and you can't go over.

**Russ** · 08-10-2010, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by jills55

I know, I know..
man, I'm not going to be able to sit down later

This is from Greebo's signature...

If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

**Greebo** · 08-10-2010, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Russ

This is from Greebo's signature...

Yes. I am made of awesome.

**ladykemma2** · 08-10-2010, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by jills55

We started adding to our debt due to the repairs on our home, which really we couldn't NOT do since we could have done major damage if we left our siding rotting. And we bought new flooring for our house. We certainly could have skipped this. I second guess a lot of decisions.

no regrets, right? now your home is nice and you can go forward and pay.