what would dave say?

**mama_inski** · 04-13-2011, 02:53 PM

Hello there

New to the forum and to Dave Ramsey. Listening to his audio book and I can't press stop!

My husband and I have 2 kids (6.5yo son, 2mo daughter) and live in a 550sqft apartment house on my inlaws' property (they're our "landlords"). Currently neither myself or DH is working. He lost his job 2.5 years ago and has been on unemployment. He has been searching for a job (unsuccessfully) he can do at home, since he has Lupus complicated with POTS (heart condition that has him practically bedridden). His unemployment ended in December (it was extended numerous times but is completely done.) We are in the process of applying for SSDisability for him, but are waiting on paperwork to be filled out by his doctors. DH cannot be left alone for very long and cannot be main caretaker for our daughter alone. My FIL works and my MIL can barely walk due to a motorcycle accident last year. They aren't capable of helping out very much. My MIL already helps her daughter out a couple days a week by babysitting her 2 year old little girl, which wears her out. She can't take on a 2 month old as well.

We haven't paid rent/utilities in 5 months. We've used up our tax return on living expenses and after we get the car out of the mechanic's this week, we'll have about $150 to our name. By the grace of God (and our county) we've food in our bellies from foodstamps and county medical coverage. But DH's medicine costs over $100 alone, as well as diapers, toilet paper, laundry detergent and car insurance...we need money to cover these things. We're living off his parents. His parents are insistent I do not work, that I stay home with the baby, and are willing to support us, eliminate our rent/utilities and pay for whatever expenses we have. They have offered a little website building work to DH for some pay, but it isn't much. (And it's weird to have them pay him $ for a job he's doing when we aren't paying rent/utilities, etc.) They had plans to add a master bedroom and a half bath to our house, but are hesitant to do so with us not having an income (and now they're dealing with medical bills from their accident and would have to take out a loan to pay for the addition and manual labor). I have applied for numerous childcare jobs here in PA with no luck.

I have a job opportunity up in NY where my family lives (and I have at least a dozen babysitters at my disposal), making decent money ($300/weekend) from May-Sept. (On top of this, I am finishing medical transcription schooling and applying for WAH jobs in the field.) We have the opportunity to move in with my 75yo grandma (dad's mom) who is still fairly independent but needs someone to help out a little (go grocery shopping, get her meds from the pharmacy, mow the lawn) and needs help paying her property taxes. She lives alone in a 1600sqft home with 3 empty bedrooms and ample space/land. Her retirement pays for all of her bills (including the mortgage but not property taxes) so we would be helping out with groceries, maintaining the property and help paying the property taxes ($2k/yr). My father (who owns a contracting biz) has offered to redo the kitchen and downstairs bathroom, as well as add a 1/2 bath upstairs. The house is assessed at $150k and the mortgage is nearly completely paid off, with less than $8k remaining.

I think it's a wise decision and will benefit everyone involved. Our moving out will eliminate financial dependence on his parents and free up the home to be rented out to PAYING tenants (there is a college 5 miles away - they could rent it out to 2-4 college kids and easily make $600+/mo). Moving in with my grandma helps her out with her needs and her property taxes, which also eliminates the burden my parents have been carrying (dad's been paying her taxes and maintaining her property) and ensuring peace of mind that grandma has someone around in case of an emergency. We would have minimal expenses and be able to save up EF, get a newer/better car. My grandma has the house willed to my dad when she dies and he and my mom have offered the house to us if we live there with my gma til she passes. By my dad's estimation, we could have the mortgage paid off within 2 years if we throw some extra cash in with my gma's payments. Once she passes, we could choose to stay put or sell and buy a home elsewhere if we wish (we'd love to live in Erie - halfway between his family and mine).

My husband's illness means he will likely never work outside of the home again - and that I'm going to have to pursue alternate forms of earning an income (because I won't be able to go out of the house for a typical 8 hour shift job without paying for someone to come stay with DH/kids, etc). We're nearing our 30's and I think of our desire to own a home and realize we'll probably have to do things in an unconventional way. To me, moving in w/ my gma is a financially SMART idea. Even if we move there for a year or two and absolutely hate it, we'll be able to help her out and save money to move someplace we LOVE.

I'm sure I'm just being biased. Maybe my feelings of financial burden and dependence on his family are clouding my judgment.

What would Dave suggest?

**MissSeetonFan** · 04-13-2011, 03:27 PM

I totally agree with you on the move to your grandma's house. Unless there was a similar thing you could work out with his parents - actually move in to their house and not live in the accessory building so it could be rented out - I think helping your grandma would be one of the best ways out of your situation.

I guess the other thing to address is how does your husband feel about the option of moving?

**mama_inski** · 04-13-2011, 04:27 PM

he sees the benefit of the job and is considering the idea. he doesn't want to be dependent on either of our families (in a perfect world neither do i) but knows that right now it's a season we're going through, with getting his lupus/POTS under management and getting financially on our feet.

oh and he, nor i, will entertain the idea of moving in with his parents. too controlling/nosey.

**Spirit Deer** · 04-13-2011, 09:03 PM

Who cares what 'Dave' would say. The choice is YOURS.

It sounds like you've thought your options through and your decision is 95% made. It sounds like you're doing the best you can under the circumstances.

Best of luck, regardless what you decide.