What does Dave say about combining finances?

**khaski** · 06-01-2011, 02:58 PM

My friend is getting married in Oct, she and her fiance rent a house from her Dad, her 6 yo child lives with them. They have been together 5+ years.Fiance makes WAY more $, but they split things down the middle, keep finances separate. This makes it VERY hard for her with a child to support and less $ coming in. I know Suze Orman suggests doing a percentage based joint budget for joint expenses, based on income, what does Dave say, if anything? Trying to find some resources to email her to read over and get together to present the idea to fiance.

**MissSeetonFan** · 06-01-2011, 03:36 PM

Here are some links to articles from his website that talks about that:
Newlyweds: What Do We Need To Know About Money? - Relationships and Money - daveramsey.com
http://www.daveramsey.com/article/th...ney_budgeting/

You can also find threads here on FV that talk about pros and cons of combining everything versus combining nothing and all variations in between.

Good luck with your friend.

**Ceashels** · 06-01-2011, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by khaski

I know Suze Orman suggests doing a percentage based joint budget for joint expenses, based on income,

This is what Greebo and I did and it worked out very well before we found DR. Neither of us felt like we were overwhelmed by the cost and we each had our own money apart from the household needs.

Originally Posted by khaski

what does Dave say, if anything? Trying to find some resources to email her to read over and get together to present the idea to fiance.

Dave believes that the finances between a married couple belong equally to both. So his money would become hers and hers would become his. We found that we weren't making headway for savings with the percentage based budget since we only covered the household needs. Since getting on the DR plan we are moving forward as well.

Good luck to her. I think a percentage based budget sounds like the perfect thing for her right now.

**khaski** · 06-01-2011, 07:38 PM

I and she both think so too- but hubby-to-be does not seem too thrilled at mention of it, which is why i wanted to 'dig' a little for her.

**Ceashels** · 06-01-2011, 09:54 PM

In my opinion, husband to be isn't ready to be a husband just yet then. If he isn't willing to help support the woman he chooses to be his wife then SHE shouldn't be marrying him!

What is the plan if she ever looses her job? Gets pregnant and goes on bed rest for 6 months? If he is continually relying on her to pay half of everything and it leaves her with very little left... it makes me wonder if it is his way of control? If it isn't, is he that selfish or that stupid?

Sorry, I've dated quite a few 'Stupids' in my years. LOL

**mndtrp** · 06-02-2011, 12:11 AM

I'm sure it has nothing to do with being new to sharing everything completely. It's a new concept, one that's not always easy to accept. My wife and I started out with separate accounts, and there are plenty of people that have perfectly good marriages with separate accounts. If situations change later in life, such as a pregnancy or job loss, I have to think that people in those good marriages would reassess who is paying for what.

Or it could just be that he isn't ready for marriage, selfish or stupid.

Have they both discussed why they feel the way they do? Have they talked about what will happen with possible future life changes, income fluctuations, etc.? Have they discussed trying it separately at first, and then seeing if it would be better together later on? Of course, if they are wanting to follow Dave's plan, then they should join the accounts.

**mateosbaby** · 06-02-2011, 02:26 PM

Have to agree with Ceashels and mndtrp. Part of being in a marriage is being one in everything, whether you're religious or not. Marriages fall apart when the couple isn't on the same page. My personal feelings are when you get married, all finances come into one account. My dh and I did this before we were married - we had a joint account for all wedding-related expenses and other things we would be paying for as a couple, and our separate ones, as well. When we got married, our separate accounts joined the "couple" account, and we've never had a separate account since. It really, really, really helps that we both have access to all of our accounts and the budget, including our credit reports every year, so we always know what the other one is up to. There's no room for playing games in a marriage like that. And we are a strong, trusting marriage. I personally feel like if you leave separate accounts and keep your own money to yourself, you are setting yourselves up for a possible divorce later on - there's no accountability to the other person, and so therefore leave open possibilities for all sorts of bad things to happen to your marriage. Not that it WILL happen, but there's a much better chance of it happening, kwim?

Just my $.02 on the topic.

**khaski** · 06-02-2011, 06:49 PM

I agree with all of you, they're just doing 'their thing'. He is an old best friend of my hubby 15+ years, she is a close friend of mine 20+ years (with the occasional 'everyone's busy' lapse). We girls and our guys grew up in different towns and didn't know each other til our early 20's. He always joked he'd NEVER get married, he's not sharing half his stuff in a divorce (seen too many co-workers go through nasty divorces)- but a serious accident 1.5 years ago opened his eyes to change his mind, and he proposed last spring after 4+ years together. I think he'll come around, he's just never had to 'share' his $ in such a way......he's a good guy in many ways, but a little immature in this one! Maybe I'm extra optimistic- my husband was once that way too, now I am a stay at home mom and he works and owns his own business and it's 'our' money.