"All situations are different" attitude

**mateosbaby** · 06-15-2011, 02:56 PM

I know someone with an irregular income, who seems to have quite a bit of debt, who doesn't think they'll ever be able to get out of debt. I tried encouraging them with examples of people I know with irregular incomes or relatively low incomes getting out of debt and staying out, but they'll hear none of it. "All situations are different." All I hear is an excuse not to try.... Grrrr.... And all I was doing was encouraging them that it can be done! Irritating....

OK, rant over.

**craftypam** · 06-15-2011, 03:02 PM

I've had irregular income for 31 years and when its low you're broke and when its not you use the extra to pay what you couldn't pay before.

**Spirit Deer** · 06-15-2011, 03:55 PM

It's frustrating to see friends not doing better, I know, but ultimately it's their business. I think all you can do is let them know you're there with advice if they decide they want some, but otherwise just back off.

**craftypam** · 06-15-2011, 05:00 PM

Spirit that is exactly right. I have always been good at budgeting and I would teach people for free, but you can't Make them do what they need to do!!

**Lady_V** · 06-15-2011, 05:40 PM

You can lead them to a budget planner... but it's still illegal to bash them over the head with it

Be an ear when they WANT to get things under control... until then, it won't matter what you say or do. If all they want to do is complain/vent... nod where appropriate and move on.

**imagine** · 06-15-2011, 05:49 PM

I think the "Having none of that" and making "excuses". Is sometimes the person trying to wrap their mind around it.

Like my son that seemed not to want to learn to ride a bike and seemed to be fighting learning. One day popped on a rode no bumps no bruises. He said he guessed he just needed his brain to understand physics before he could ride.

I think some people are like that with frugal and getting out of debt.

They ask lots of questions and seem to be fighting it all the way but in reality they are just trying to wrap their brain around the idea so they can do it without all the bumps and bruises.

**piney** · 06-15-2011, 05:50 PM

craftypam You are right you can't make people do some thing just because it what they need to do all you can do is tell them and hope they will change.But it can be very frustration (not spelled correctly} talking to some people.

**krbshappy71** · 06-15-2011, 06:06 PM

I have a regular income and spouted every excuse possible. Their irregular income isn't the problem, their attitude is.

My attitude still gets in my way, no one else can help me, I have to help myself. Its nice of you to keep trying, and frustrating I'm sure to have them put up road blocks. In the end we have to knock down our own road blocks.

**Spirit Deer** · 06-15-2011, 06:58 PM

It's the same as any other lifestyle change, like losing weight or quitting smoking.

**mateosbaby** · 06-15-2011, 07:02 PM

Thanks, all. I completely agree with you. It's their problem to change, not mine. And that was perfectly fine. They had just commented on another friend thanking me for helping them get out of debt, and had said how it would never happen for them between too many kids and no regular income. Yep, just an excuse, but they'll have to figure it out in their own time.

But yes, it is frustrating when they continuously look down upon me and all the great things we are able to do now and yet complain about their lack of getting anywhere in life. Where's the rolling eyes smilie???

**Spirit Deer** · 06-15-2011, 07:34 PM

Doubtful they really look down on you. They're most likely jealous. But regardless, you can't let them bother you. Again, it's like losing weight. Sometimes fat friends who see someone losing and looking better and having more energy do things to sabotage them, for various reasons. Don't let it bother you. Who cares what they think anyway? You can sleep at night knowing your mortgage is paid and you'll have food to eat and the lights will stay on at your house. That's worth a lot more than the opinions of those who can't get their own house in order.

**joyofsix** · 06-15-2011, 07:39 PM

To quote Dave " Those convinced agains their will are of the same opinion still."

**Debbie-cat** · 06-15-2011, 07:44 PM

You tried to offer some advice but they have to want to help themselves. There is nothing you can do. Hopefully they will see the light one day.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 06-15-2011, 10:17 PM

I call the 'all situations are different' excuse the same thing as the 'woe is me' excuse. People want you to feel sorry for them because they aren't trying to pay off debt when they have the extra money. A large majority of those who do have extra cash with an irregular income will either tuck that cash away, pay off debt or spend it and complain.

**khaski** · 06-16-2011, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Spirit Deer

It's frustrating to see friends not doing better, I know, but ultimately it's their business. I think all you can do is let them know you're there with advice if they decide they want some, but otherwise just back off.

Well put- a dear friend of mine who's family is like our extended family -just- got oil after almost 9 weeks without hot water in the house because they hadn't paid for their last fill they could not get refilled. They have 3 kids, they have been heating hot water on the stove to bathe everyday. Meanwhile they're out shopping, out to eat, buying things online still....drove US nuts to watch, but they're grown-ups, they make their own choices!

As for irregular incomes- my hubby works a 'regular' job and has his won business, with an irregular income. We have still managed to be -almost- debt free except the house within 1 year- should be done within 6 months. Anything is possible if you WANT to make it happen! Your friend just isn't there yet and is hiding behind an excuse, or income has been so low and they're already bare bones so they can't do it, unless they pick up more income. Could be doesn't want to, could be can't without more work outside of what they're doing.