I took a Stand!!!

**larabelle** · 09-24-2011, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by khaski

What you see, but Mom does not, is that they can well afford the lessons- IF they choose to! Good for you for not being guilted into it and standing yur ground- you should be prud of yourself- it's tough to stand up against moms!

You know it is funny you mentioned that because during the conversation with my mom I said "If their parents do not choose to pay for the lessons than why should I?"

**larabelle** · 09-24-2011, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Dancing Lotus

Sorry if I'm off topic but something a poster said hit my hot button.

You know what , my Dad was military. He started out enlisted and worked his way up. Got his education and retired an officer.My mother was a homemaker. From day 1 no matter what his pay was he took care of his finances. For years he made less then my grandparents and yet every time they needed money he would help them. My Dad was the one his family turned too, why? Because he didn't buy new cars and my brother and I did not always have the newest whatever. We didn't even have cable. But if I wanted to take lessons, he paid for my lessons. If I needed a new instrument he bought me one, with the money he saved by NOT having cable.
I was the last kid I knew to have a CD player, VCR or computer. But we also had one of the nicest houses , decent cars and my mom always had milk money for us. I never missed a trip or activity due to money. And not once did my dad ask anyone for a dime. He hasn't even ever asked for a single penny back of all the money that he gave to family over the years. The very family that goes on vacation twice a year, buys new cars every two years and has all the latest technology.
SO sorry I don't buy into the pity party of the poorly paid enlisted.
rant over, carry on

This is one of the reasons why I love Frugal Village..there are many different members with many differing opinions.
Thanks for your input...and feel free to enter a rant..whenever you so choose!!! Love it..Love it...Love it!!!

**TheRootedNomad** · 09-24-2011, 11:49 AM

Both of my brothers are enlisted military and both do very well as they are both very savy when it comes to money. (and it doesn't hurt that they are REALLY smart and have sped through the ranks at record pace

) They both also have VERY different financial scenarios/stratedgies but both ways seem to work for them. I think the high percentage of enlisted personnel wirh financial issues doesn't have anything to do with the fact that they are "enlisted". I would put money down on a bet that those individuals would be in the same, if not a worse financial situation if they weren't enlisted.

**esb3357** · 09-24-2011, 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by Nishu

Military housing isn't free. His rent is deducted from his paycheck and you and I are paying for his benefits in order to maintain a standing military. These benefits are part of his compensation. They're not really 'free.'

Thanks for saying that. I agree. We are military. My husband would make more with his degree outside the military than he would in the military. PLUS since he has been moved 4 times in the past 2 years it is hard to fined a job to use my MASTERS degree so we live off of one pay check. These guys EARN these benefits that are part of their compensation package. The same as you get a 401K and so forth.

That does not mean your brother should have ANY right to ask for your help to pay for HIS kids music lessons. FYI All salary figures are available online. If you know his rank, years in, location and branch. You can find out the exact amount of money he makes. If I had an idea what his wife made, and that was my mother I would make a crude budget. I would take out there fixed expenses that you could think of, and illustrate how much money they have a month on variables (food, gas). Personally If they combined made more than me, I would not feel bad. I find some people need to physically see how much money people are making.

**Lori63** · 09-25-2011, 06:23 AM

Good job

**Spirit Deer** · 09-25-2011, 11:00 AM

I'm still stuck on trying to figure out why being single and having your income all to yourself somehow means you're supposed to fork over the money YOU EARNED to someone else. WTH? If you made a million dollars a minute, you wouldn't be obligated to give it away, especially to people who could do a better job with their financial choices.

Good on you for refusing to be an enabler.

**larabelle** · 09-25-2011, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Spirit Deer

I'm still stuck on trying to figure out why being single and having your income all to yourself somehow means you're supposed to fork over the money YOU EARNED to someone else. WTH? If you made a million dollars a minute, you wouldn't be obligated to give it away, especially to people who could do a better job with their financial choices.

Good on you for refusing to be an enabler.

I think that is one of their problems...they think that MY MONEY is THEIR MONEY...but I bet they would not hesitate if it was the other way around to decline offering me a dime.

**mateosbaby** · 09-25-2011, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by larabelle

I think that is one of their problems...they think that MY MONEY is THEIR MONEY...but I bet they would not hesitate if it was the other way around to decline offering me a dime.

Hey, maybe you should try that sometime.

Maybe they'd get it then. Or maybe you'd just have a nice private laugh about it later.

**Ceashels** · 09-25-2011, 03:21 PM

If the children want lessons then are they old enough to work it off in payment? I would be thrilled if a student wanted lessons in exchange for mowing my lawn, weeding my garden, walking my dogs. I would certainly offer them a discount since it is labor intensive work.

**Incognito** · 09-26-2011, 05:33 PM

As a music teacher of 25 yrs. I have a few comments/questions about your situation:

Getting right down to the facts:

1. Are the kids musically talented? Because if they are lazy and spoiled by their upbringing, they probably won't do justice to the costs of the instrument and lessons. They will have to be capable of committment (at least 1 term: 3 months) and daily practice in order for the music lessons to result in training and development. Good music teachers expect to see progress, and will often drop students who show no interest or cooperation in regular practise. That's why some of the other alternative instructors you suggested might be better at this point. If the kids are truly interested and can develop the self-discipline it takes to be a good music student, that will show itself in time, and then they could audition for a better and more expensive teacher.

2. It would be cheaper and probably a wiser alternative to rent an instrument rather than buy it, from a local music store, especially for beginners. That way, if they slack off after a few weeks or months, they can take it back to the store; and it would be much easier to pay the cost (whoever is doing it, and if it's gramma, it could save the situation for her).

3. I don't know what barter is like in the US, but in Canada we can't really do this type of thing in a payng occupation. Even on our taxes we have to compute the value of the work bartered for services rendered into dollars, and declare it as income.

Good luck, and I feel badly for the Gramma in the picture. She's really being pressured to keep peace in the family, and it's not fair to her or to you to be put in this situation.

**Anastasis** · 09-26-2011, 09:17 PM

I've just started reading these forums and I'm really enjoying them so far.

I just wanted to echo what others have said: Bravo to you for standing up for yourself. That's a brave thing!

**dancemommy** · 09-26-2011, 11:41 PM

Good for you! I think music lessons for children are a wonderful thing. I think that helping a child find their talents and passions is a wonderful thing. I think asking an uncle to pay for it while a parent spends their money on other things is ridiculous. I know at certain times in our lives, like when my husband was in graduate school or when he was laid off, my parents volunteered to pay for the children's lessons for a period of time. I appreciated it so much as keeping a little bit of stability in their lives was helpful. However, I did not EXPECT them to do that nor would I have asked. I think giving your neice/nephew a gift of music lessons because it is something you CHOOSE to do would be a really cool thing, but only if you are in the position to do so and have the desire to do so. I know that according to my sister in law our niece is not able to do all of the things our children are able to do lessons wise because they "can't afford it". In all actuality, they make the same amount of money we do, but just choose to spend it differently than we do. We make sacrifices in order to be able to provide lessons for our kids. We cut out other things. It is OUR choice. In any case, good for you for not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. If they really want these lessons for their children they will find a way to provide them. It isn't your problem and I'm sorry they tried to put it off on you!