It has gotten UGLY!!! Family feud over $$$

**larabelle** · 08-11-2012, 08:16 PM

You know Dave says NEVER loan money well he is soooo right and I am so glad I took his advice.

Not to long ago I posted about my mother wanting me to pay for a nephew's music lessons which I refused to do as his parents (my brother and his wife) could do so if they managed their money better.

Anyway now guess what has happened. My mother paid for a teenage niece's expenses with the understanding that my brother would pay her back. My brother has made repeatitive promises when he would pay my mom back. He has not paid back a dime. He makes a high income so now my mom is livid !!!

I try to stay out of this type of family drama...but about the time my mother began her complaints about this for the upteenth time I finally said "Well, that is the reason I do not loan him money..he does not pay anyone back." I refuse to say ANYTHING to my brother about it and although I feel sorry that my mom has lost her money (permanently) I refuse to get involved and I think she would like me to say something to my brother....however my lips are sealed!

**Spirit Deer** · 08-11-2012, 08:25 PM

It's not up to you to fight someone else's battles for them, especially when it involves money. We learned that the hard way and it blew our family apart. The irony is the people who were so mad at each other, those who owed money and those who had loaned it to them, ended up being okay with each other and hating us, like somehow we became their common enemy. Most of them haven't spoken to us in over fifteen years. We sure regret getting involved. It was a huge mistake.

**frugalfranny** · 08-12-2012, 12:19 AM

Yep, and I would keep them sealed.

Family drama sucks...........hope it works out for your mom........too darn bad he has ripped her off!

I don't/won't loan money for any reason...........have had past problems in that area.

**fernykins** · 08-12-2012, 02:21 AM

I so agree with you.
Fern

**josantoro** · 08-12-2012, 07:01 AM

So stupid, the next time he needs money I bet he finds the "Bank of Mom" has shut its doors. At least I hope so!

**larabelle** · 08-12-2012, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by Spirit Deer

It's not up to you to fight someone else's battles for them, especially when it involves money. We learned that the hard way and it blew our family apart. The irony is the people who were so mad at each other, those who owed money and those who had loaned it to them, ended up being okay with each other and hating us, like somehow we became their common enemy. Most of them haven't spoken to us in over fifteen years. We sure regret getting involved. It was a huge mistake.

Thanks so much for the feedback...yep I definitely would not want to regret it later...as this brother in my mom's eyes is the brother who can do no wrong!

**larabelle** · 08-12-2012, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by josantoro

So stupid, the next time he needs money I bet he finds the "Bank of Mom" has shut its doors. At least I hope so!

I hope the doors are permanently shut..but if he gives her a sob story she will probobly fall for it. The sad thing is she is she has no savings and is on social security. I just keep repeating to myself that she can choose to spend her money as she wishes after all it is her money. I just do not want to get involved.

**larabelle** · 08-12-2012, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfranny

Yep, and I would keep them sealed.

Family drama sucks...........hope it works out for your mom........too darn bad he has ripped her off!

I don't/won't loan money for any reason...........have had past problems in that area.

Thanks for the feedback. The sad thing is recently mom+dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary with a full church wedding. Neither my brother or any of his family attended. sad.....

**khaski** · 08-12-2012, 09:39 AM

You are smart to keep your lips shut and stay out of it- this is a lesson your Mom must learn herself. It's kind of funny, on one side you think 'Of course they'll pay it back, they're family!', and on the other side it's 'Of course I don't have to REALLY pay it back, we're family'.

I am fortunate my family does not borrow/lend money within the group. The few instances of it I personally know have NEVER worked out one bit. It just always seem to end badly. Wait- 3 years ago we bought flowers etc for a funeral and my MIL+SIL asked if we could go halves on it. We agreed, paid it, had to ask for the $ a few months later when we had not been paid and they had not mentioned it. They were ultra-snitty about it but did pay us back their half.

The lender always ends up being the 'bad guy'. The kindness of helping is quickly forgotten when it's time to pay up. Not situation to be in with people you love, like or even have to see routinely.

**josantoro** · 08-12-2012, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by khaski

The lender always ends up being the 'bad guy'. The kindness of helping is quickly forgotten when it's time to pay up. Not situation to be in with people you love, like or even have to see routinely.

Yes, and the lender gets accused of being "All about money". Ummm, yes, that is MY money that YOU borrowed.

**grneyegrl** · 08-12-2012, 11:51 AM

the only person in my family i let borrow was/is my brother..he always paid me back..took him a couple of yrs but he did pay..and he felt bad he couldnt pay it sooner.. rest of family noway would i borrow to them

**grneyegrl** · 08-12-2012, 11:52 AM

oops loan,, darn fingers

**larabelle** · 08-12-2012, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by khaski

You are smart to keep your lips shut and stay out of it- this is a lesson your Mom must learn herself. It's kind of funny, on one side you think 'Of course they'll pay it back, they're family!', and on the other side it's 'Of course I don't have to REALLY pay it back, we're family'.

I think this is the deal with my brother...he feels since he is family...he REALLY does not have to pay back the money....THe sad/bad thing is I know how poor a money manager my brother is and there will come a time in the future when he will be in earnest need and then he will have no one to turn to.

**oheoh's momma** · 08-12-2012, 12:22 PM

my solid rule about money is to never loan more than u can afford to give them..1x if they don't pay u back no hard feelings..money friendship and family don't mix well...

**larabelle** · 08-12-2012, 12:32 PM

Well now me and mom are talking and she tells me that my sister has also had issues with loaning this same brother money. My sister has always gotten her money back but only after repeatively nagging him. She told my mom that now she will not loan him ANY money.

I just do not understand that if mom already knew this why in the world she would loan him money...oh well I guess she thought that since she was "mom" he would not default.