How do you tell your kids there is no extra money?

**homesteadmamma** · 10-14-2002, 06:47 PM

Just curious has to how everyone does this? Do your kids know money is tight or do they think it grows on trees? How do you explain to them that money is short without having them feel deprived?

Thoughts.

**MJsLady** · 10-14-2002, 06:56 PM

well i think my kids are a lot more spoiled than most. I mean they have video games, cable, computers on DSL, a vcr and dvd player.
That said money is always tight. Being teens, they do grumble every now and then, but living in the rural area, they have less work than most of their peers.
DH feels bad when he can't give them this or that, I do not.
I just tell them they are lucky they have what they do and we can always do less, they usually get the idea. I also tell them they can find a job to do the extra stuff if they choose. They are 15 and 17, so they are a little able to be responsible to do for themselves more.

**gw72356@fullnet.com** · 10-14-2002, 07:02 PM

Since DH and I have both been on medical leave,there as been-0- income. So the kids are learning that there is no money at all. Their needs are being met,and that will have to be all they expect for now.
Luckily my kids are used to not having a lot,and they do real well most of the time.They grumble about some things-they are kids-I say they are doing their jobs lol.
We keep our kids informed,and they always know the situation. It doesn't help to keep them in the dark,and they are learning frugality as we go. I think my 15yr old DD is getting good at looking for the deals and she really likes freebie hunts!

**tnschaffer** · 10-14-2002, 07:22 PM

Well, my children are very young. But my 4 yo sometimes asks why we cant have things that soem of her friends have. I just tell her flat out "we need to be thankful for the many things we already have".

When they get older, I will explain why they dont need all the stuff kids these days think they need. We go yard saling, and she finds lots of things she likes...but she only gets .25 and when its gone its gone. When she gets older, she will earn the money for the things she wants, above and beyond what we will provide for her.

And I dont mean she will get paid for basic household chores either! I think children need to learn that in order to live and cooperate in a household, everyone has things they need to do. Plain and simple. She is expected right now at 4 to make her bed, keep her room picked up, dress herself, brush teeth and hair and help with her little sister.

ok..so I went a bit OT there...but my main point is, I dont want my kids growing up thinking they are deprived because we have no money..what does that teach them? instead they will learn about simple living with less, and how it makes us appreciate more.

**blueknitter** · 10-14-2002, 07:23 PM

I tell DD that we have made choices that mean that we don't have extra money to spend on all the wants we have. That doesn't mean we can't have occasional treats, it just means we have to use our money as carefully and get the most value out of it that we can. She knows she has to earn money and save for things that she wants that are out of range of our budget, and she treats those things like they are something special. DS is only 3, so we just say that things cost too much money or aren't a good value. He makes a lot of wishes, but is happy with what we have. Both kids know that we have to save our money, and they both have savings accounts and piggy banks to save their money in, too.

**heaven** · 10-14-2002, 07:51 PM

well my children were told when i first divorced my first husband that i didn't have the money he does. So alot of time, they don't get what they want, they do have what they need though. and i am very open about not having all the money that they want. If they want something i can't afford they know they will not be getting it. When i do have extra money though i do try to give them a little to spend on what they want. and they seem happy to have what they get. Did this make sense to anyone.

**gw72356@fullnet.com** · 10-14-2002, 08:00 PM

Perfect sense Heaven...
Being a good mom to me means being honest with your kids-from that-they learn to be honest and open. Its great when they get older. My kids used to drag their friends to me-cause they could talk to me....No money means we are home more-if nothing else.

**captclearance** · 10-14-2002, 08:16 PM

I would just tell them.... I don't have the money to spend on that.... I don't discuss my fiancés with the kids, the grown ones or the ones at home. I don't pay allowance !!! They have chores to do and if they have them done,, I will give them an opportunity to earn a bit, they get a bit of change to spend at yard sales... dd is good at saving her money (she is a first class tightwad !!!

)
and ds has no real interest in money, just hot wheels.....
on a side note ! have you ever noticed how they will do so much more for a 1/2 dollar piece than mixed .50c change ? Silver dollars over any other form of money, ect.....

**bamamomto4** · 10-14-2002, 08:51 PM

My oldest is the worst! She has no concept on money whatsoever! She thinks if she wants a game thats $40....$40 is nothing!! When i tell ehr I don't have an extra $40,she says "It's JUST $40..." Like $40 is pocket change.
I've tried many many times to amke her understand and being 13,you'd think she would,but she still doesn't get it sometimes.
I think it's cause she was an only child for 9 years and everyone gave to her all the time. She's getting somewhat better,but I wish when i said "NO!" she wouldn't ask anymore lol

Katie wants everything! Every Barbie,every doll...everything!!! I just tell her "we'll see" and thats it...no more about it LOL!!!

**Kimmomo3** · 10-14-2002, 10:10 PM

My kids are 8,4, and 2 and have heard this all thier life, even if we have extra $ if I don't think it is something they need now I say... "We choose to spend money on other things, if you have the money to spend you may do so" Even the 2yr has an allowance, she feeds the dog, and I think she can recite the sentance

**Patchworkgirl** · 10-15-2002, 05:14 AM

I am extremely honest with my kids about money- and everything for that matter. I sat all of them down when they were old enough, showed them what income we had, and just where it went- taxes, mortgage, utilities, etc. They know that when they want something, or need something like a new dance dress, a piece of sports equipment, etc. that it has to be planned into the budget. They grumble sometimes that they don't have the latest and greatest like "all" of their friends, (DS is wanting a PS2 really really bad), but for the most part they are thankful for that they do have. Some of their friends who have all the latest and greatest toys have parents who don't spend a minute of time with their kids, and my kids are the ones who pointed this out.

**Mom23boys** · 10-15-2002, 08:20 AM

My kids are spoiled and usually if they complain long enough get what they want. DH grew up in a home where they had no money and were never able to go anywhere for a vacation. He always said when he had kids he would give them what he never had and he has. TOO MUCH OF IT!! He keeps asking what we are getting them for Christmas this year. I said nothing because they have everything and he said we have to get them something. I am sure he will!!

They do chores around the house, but we don't give allowance. It is just something that is expected. The oldest who is 14 has worked for the last 2 summers at the baseball field in the concession or at the gate taking money as a way to raise money for his school clothes or music cd's. So they do work for it.

**mommyto5** · 10-15-2002, 01:51 PM

My kids are really young too. My oldest is 7 and she is really good about understanding that we have chosen other things instead of getting every toy she wants. It's a big deal around here that I stay home and that we have a big family. All my kids are very cooperative about doing things for the family. They are somewhat spoiled because we go all out for birthdays and christmas because they don't get much more thru out the year. They have pretty good grandparents that get them way too much for holidays too lol. Amy

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 10-16-2002, 01:52 AM

My two always hear that we don't have a lot of money. It's true--we're supporting two kids! LOL Seriously, they get things and have an allowance (which they earn by doing chores--I also deduct from it for infractions) but they DO NOT need every little new thing out there! For example, there is a used gaming/cd shop near here where we can buy Game Boy games for $5 to $12 dollars. WHY would I buy a new one at $40 when I can get these for them? They are pretty good about not whining too much.

My middle niece, however, is another story. Her line is always, "But it's only x dollars!" Mind you, her mom is supporting the four of them on about $1000 a month, so $5 is A LOT. IMHO, if the kid wants it bad enough, s/he will get some little jobs and pay for it her/himslef!