I have a friend who is trying to teach her 18 year old grandson money handling/management. He has his first job making $9+ an hour, 40 hours a week. He's gotten his first paycheck and basically 'blew' it on stuff -- a new Boost phone, prepaid minutes, charger, battery, etc. Well, now that he's had his 'fun', it's time to buckle down.
I know what it's like to put money aside, and I've been asked to help out. The hardest part is he doesn't function as an adult, more like a 13 year-old. All he wants is toys, toys, toys and thinks life is just about having fun. Grandma is kind of soft on him, too soft sometimes, but things have to change because they need the money to re-establish a household because they came to visit us 700 miles away from where they lived, he found the job, so they stayed, leaving most of their stuff back in Michigan, so they are starting 'fresh here'. He thinks we're all being mean and heartless because he can't have everything he wants. Well, me and BF aren't going to keep 'giving' him a place to live and his grandma, who is retired and makes an minimal amount on social security, shouldn't have to support him either.
My question is.... does anyone have any suggestions of literature, books, worksheets, websites... any tools that will help us 'get the point' across to him?
Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated !!
tithe
one third to short term savings
one third to long term savings
one third to spend - but they had items they had to purchase from that -- lunches, some clothes, school supplies, etc.
Besides teaching him how to manage money is it possible that he can pick up odd jobs for other people to make extra money? Since he is now an adult, it's going to be much harder to try to teach him how to manage his money. The best thing to do is try to get him to set up a budget so he isn't spending his whole paycheck on fun. For now, I wouldn't worry about tithe since he's just starting out.
Let me make sure I have this right.
This 18 year old who acts like a 13 year old is suddenly given the responsibility of supporting a household for him and his GM or.... restablishing a household or.. is the one responsible for 'needing to stay in GA because he got a job' ?
Is that right?
So, I think the book that needs to be purchased for you and GM is something on the lines of 'Raising up teens'
His GM, as reported by you, is a softy. That tells me she didn't do anything in his teen years to help him with responsibilty. I don't know the gists of it - maybe he was with his mom during those years. But someone forgot to raise him.
I assume your 13 year old assessment is spot on - since you know him.
How can you possibly expect a 13 yo to assume responsibility in one week or less? AND!! this is his FIRST job!
Nurture the 13 yo child to be a responsible 18 yo first. THEN introduce him to adulthood. He missed a few steps in the process. GM tried. I am sure. She just didn't know any better.
ooooooo I know I'll be in BIG trouble for this one. Just calling it like it is. It's my own opinion. Take it if you want.. move on the the next post if you don't want it.
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Last edited by Frugal Nurse; 07-11-2008 at 07:36 PM.
Reason: holy crap! did you say FIRST job at age 18! something wrong there!
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My son is 16 with his first job(almost a year now) and he still likes to spend it all sometimes. I guess my point in that is you arent going to teach him in a week he needs to be more responsible especially if he has the mentality of a 13 yr old. Start small and give him one thing he needs to pay for..... like (and this is just an example) maybe he has to help GM by giving her a set amount every pay for his *room and board* so to speak. Then slowly work with him to save some money. Right now he is a kid with a new toy...and that toy is money! He wants to play with it. Given time and a little direction Im sure he will manage just fine. Just dont expect it to happen over night.
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Let me make sure I have this right.
This 18 year old who acts like a 13 year old is suddenly given the responsibility of supporting a household for him and his GM or.... restablishing a household or.. is the one responsible for 'needing to stay in GA because he got a job' ?
Is that right?
So, I think the book that needs to be purchased for you and GM is something on the lines of 'Raising up teens'
His GM, as reported by you, is a softy. That tells me she didn't do anything in his teen years to help him with responsibilty. I don't know the gists of it - maybe he was with his mom during those years. But someone forgot to raise him.
I assume your 13 year old assessment is spot on - since you know him.
How can you possibly expect a 13 yo to assume responsibility in one week or less? AND!! this is his FIRST job!
Nurture the 13 yo child to be a responsible 18 yo first. THEN introduce him to adulthood. He missed a few steps in the process. GM tried. I am sure. She just didn't know any better.
ooooooo I know I'll be in BIG trouble for this one. Just calling it like it is. It's my own opinion. Take it if you want.. move on the the next post if you don't want it.
Gosh.... sorry for asking for advice. It's not my fault the kid hasn't been taught any responsibility..... but I guess because I'm asking for some help in helping this young man, I'm the bad guy.
I thought that I could get some support here, but I guess not!!
Gosh.... sorry for asking for advice. It's not my fault the kid hasn't been taught any responsibility..... but I guess because I'm asking for some help in helping this young man, I'm the bad guy.
I thought that I could get some support here, but I guess not!!
Gee.....thanks for the help !!!
Don't be silly. You asked for suggestions/advice. If what you wanted was 'support' for a difficult situation, you need to be clear with that and not say "I need your suggestions/advice". This is written word - the word is all we have here.
I reiterated exactly what you said and told you what my advice was.
Please point out where I said you were the bad guy?
Please point out where I said it was your fault the 'kid' hasn't been taught any responsibility?
Nurture the 13 yo to become an 18 yo and THEN give him the adult responsibities.
The BOY has missed some steps, I did not say YOU.
YOU recognize there is a problem. He doesn't because he can't.
If you want to take on the responsibility of getting this boy to adulthood - as you indicate in your post - I am advising that you move back to what a 13 yo level of thinking is. If you don't know what that is - buy a book about teens.
If you do not intend to assist the boy into adulthood - then tell them both to move out. It's not your problem.
And in little tiny letters - I said... ooooooo I know I'll be in BIG trouble for this one. Just calling it like it is. It's my own opinion. Take it if you want.. move on the the next post if you don't want it. And I meant it. Because I know some people will never be ready for to hear the core issue.
You may take the advice or not. But IMO, it's not nice to come back to someone who took the time (on a Friday night -sans a glass of wine) to write and offer advice (albeit it's not your lovey-dovey-hand-holding-hugz-kiss-kiss-oh I'm-so-sorry advice) to the have the person come back whining like that.
I do hope that you find the financial book you are looking for him though - Dave Ramsey is a great start. *shrug*
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I think FN is right on myself.
You did ask for "Any and all suggestions", not ONLY sugar coated loving suggestions. Is her response not what you wanted to hear or did she not type it the way you would have typed it?
I have a question for you. What exactly should a 18 y/o act like?
Before you answer keep in mind that everyone matures at a different rate.
Quite frankly, I think an 18 y/o who suddenly has to hold down a full time job with no previous experience just had to grow up a bit. And he suddenly has some new found spending cash.
You know what I would do? I would sit down with him, lay it all out on the table..your concerns, the financial info, etc, talk to him like an adult (although he doesn't sound like one) and flat out ask... what do you suggest we do?
btw-- turning 18 does not suddenly make you a man.
Some further suggestions:
- sit down with the newspaper and go over how much it costs to live on your own... rent, deposits, etc.
- determine his portion of living expenses in your home and charge him rent. The rest is up to him, not you.
- treat him like a roommate, but communicate with him about expectations... just as you would a roommate.
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I have a friend who is trying to teach her 18 year old grandson money handling/management. He has his first job making $9+ an hour, 40 hours a week. He's gotten his first paycheck and basically 'blew' it on stuff -- a new Boost phone, prepaid minutes, charger, battery, etc. Well, now that he's had his 'fun', it's time to buckle down.
!!
he will have even less money but more fun when he gets a girlfriend.
This is jmho but I think grandma is the one to blame here.
She is trying to teach an 18 year old how to handle money. She should have been teaching him since 12 or 13.
Why would she just suddenly stay and leave all her stuff behind because he landed a job near you.
grandma wants him to all of a sudden get a job and support her ( it sounds like without ever giving him the tools ahead of time)
I am sorry if you feel this is harsh ,but you need to teach from a younger age and not expect an 18 year old who's never had a job to step up and take over like he's done it all his life.
Thats just way wrong in my op.
She will have to try to teach him to budget to include some of the things he wants for enjoyment. Its not going to be easy because at $9.00 for 40 hours when they withhold taxes isn't going to be much help. (also jmho)
I hope it can be worked out alright
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Some further suggestions:
- sit down with the newspaper and go over how much it costs to live on your own... rent, deposits, etc.
- determine his portion of living expenses in your home and charge him rent. The rest is up to him, not you.
- treat him like a roommate, but communicate with him about expectations... just as you would a roommate.
Hi foxxyroxie. I think it's very kind of you to try to help this young man learn how to manage his money. I bet that lots of us here did the exact same thing that he did when we were young and had our first jobs! I think it is perfectly normal for him to want to spend his money on "toys".
I'm not a great financial guru like some here appear to be, but I think that it might help if you sit down with him (maybe while sharing homemade pizza and strawberry cake!) and have a heart to heart talk. Find out what his short term and long term goals are. I would bet that one of his short term goals is to get out on his own and be independent. If this is the case maybe you and he could come up with a plan on paper about how he should go about this. Maybe check the classifieds to find out how much rent is going for and discuss utilities, etc. with him. I know a lot of young people think that there is an electricity/water fairy that provides them with all they need! When you have the total figured out, help him calculate how much he needs to save each week to work towards his goal.
Just some random thoughts... I know for me it works to put things on paper. Maybe it will work for him too.
Good luck and kudos to you for caring about this young man.
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I think it's very kind of you to try to help this young man learn how to manage his money. I bet that lots of us here did the exact same thing that he did when we were young and had our first jobs! I think it is perfectly normal for him to want to spend his money on "toys". 
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