So, I had a little money talk with dh last night

**Cricketlegs** · 08-20-2008, 02:21 PM

It went well. I am NOT fighting my dh on my budget and he is not spend happy. He is on board and just goes along for the ride asking questions now and again with me giving him updates as we go along.

Last night I moved money around our 3 accounts.

I added what bills we had that hadn't cleared the bank.

I moved what was extra in the ef to my personal checking account. My dds college money is in that account, so I added the misc form savings and what I needed from our joint checking which apart from $20 zeroed out our checking.

When I make dds college payment tomorrow I will have about $2 in that account.

The $1000 EF is in place in savings.

All bills are paid, we have food, gas, pets items--everything is OKAY we are just BROKE lol.

So many unexpected things this month but we DID IT without using any credit or dipping in the EF. The snowball is rolling.

SO....I tell my dh we have no money, to keep the debit put away and to ONLY use his allowance. He is okay with that but wonders where the money is....

SO I try and explain because he doesn't really want to see the columner pad.

I keep trying to tell him and he is getting more and more confused and I start feeling like he thinks I am doing it wrong!

That was just me.

Then I tell him I think we are too much month for money next month with adding $450 for his fishing tourney and $100 for step dds tuition.

He is getting really confused--he just got a raise so blah blah blah why is this happening???

I am getting a bit het up and go get the books and SHOW him the numbers. He calms down because lets face it folks, the numbers don't lie and I budget in INK! LOL

We talk and he sees I have covered all the good stuff--bills currnet, snowball rolling, ef intact, allowances,and adding to savings as well as the additional one time things(fish tourney).

We calm down a bit, talk, he LOVES my budget and the job I am doing and is very proud of me and then points out I have FORGOTTEN that along with 2 salary check which went up almost $400 EACh and his commission which will go down a little, there is ANOTHER check coming each month for $1000 to $1800 depending on sales.

No WONDER he was so confused!

The point of this post--COMMUNICATE! I have been stressing next months budget--stealing from groceries, not getting my allowance etc.

It also makes me feel good to know how impressed dh is with my work on keeping this house running.

Sorry so long!

**Ceashels** · 08-20-2008, 02:46 PM

You deserve

! And a

!

**Squirt** · 08-20-2008, 03:30 PM

That's good to hear. I see a recurring theme around here in which the woman takes care of the finances and does most of the worrying and sacrificing, while the man refuses to take a real look at the finances preferring instead to believe that working hard + bringing home a paycheck must mean that there's enough money to go around, plus he deserves toys and lots of spending cash. It's flabbergasting to read, and it's terrifying to think about being in that situation.

You did the right thing and I'm glad your husband was a big boy and took a look at reality. More guys need to do that.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-20-2008, 03:37 PM

I don't mean to give the impression that my dh is a toy guy or spend happy.

He is not any of those things at all.

He gets his allowance and makes it work. He doesn't hender me at all.

The fact at the end of the day is that with the new raise and even with things popping up--there should have been money there.

We were not on the same page with his NEW income as we have only reaped the benefits of ONE check since it happened mid month that he got the raise.

He was confused because we were"missing" over $1000!

His confusion was about NEXT MONTHS budget and me saying we were short. Any man would ask,"Hey, what about so and so"

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-20-2008, 04:07 PM

My DH is the same way. I'll tell him what I did with the budget and stuff and show him what's in his account, giving him a step by step explanation of what I did and why I did it. He'll look at what's left over and go, "Wait, didn't I just get paid?". I think it's because he's so used to me doing all of the budgeting and financial changes to our home that when he looks at it, he gets all confused. He never gets visibly upset, just can't seem to figure out why we only have a certain figure in the accounts.

We paid the debt snowball last month for the first time and I told him I had to put the groceries on the Mastercard. He got confused about that and when I told him that I didn't want to put his account into overdraft, he told me just to take cash out of savings to pay on the credit card. This was the extra amount in the savings beyond the 1k I had for an EF.

I want to sit down with him and have a good long talk about money, but I know he'll react the same way: he'll look at me all weird and tell me he trusts me, and that he's ok with what I'm doing as long as the bills are being paid.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-20-2008, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

My DH is the same way. I'll tell him what I did with the budget and stuff and show him what's in his account, giving him a step by step explanation of what I did and why I did it. He'll look at what's left over and go, "Wait, didn't I just get paid?". I think it's because he's so used to me doing all of the budgeting and financial changes to our home that when he looks at it, he gets all confused. He never gets visibly upset, just can't seem to figure out why we only have a certain figure in the accounts.

We paid the debt snowball last month for the first time and I told him I had to put the groceries on the Mastercard. He got confused about that and when I told him that I didn't want to put his account into overdraft, he told me just to take cash out of savings to pay on the credit card. This was the extra amount in the savings beyond the 1k I had for an EF.

I want to sit down with him and have a good long talk about money, but I know he'll react the same way: he'll look at me all weird and tell me he trusts me, and that he's ok with what I'm doing as long as the bills are being paid.

It is a lot of responsibilty I know but get yourself planned out and you will be okay as long as your dh does keep his end of the deal and only spend what his allotment is.

Wait until the balances go down on the debt.

Go to the snowball site and type in your debts and then in your columner pad write down what your debt balances will be through the end of december.

A great goal to be sure but if you don't make debt the numbers will go down!

My Dh LOVES to see those balances lol!

**elphie** · 08-20-2008, 05:09 PM

Dh and I both know that this area is my strong suit so he trusts me to take care of it. However, when I'm feeling stressed its good to know I can talk to my dh and we can figure it out together. Your situation seems very similar.

Sounds like you guys make a great team.

**itsahumanzoo** · 08-20-2008, 05:18 PM

You are doing awesome! I think I'm going to have to take some budgeting lessons from you.

**ChristopherJ** · 08-20-2008, 05:20 PM

We've actually agreed to have a "Cash Flow Meeting" night usually every Friday evening after the kids go to bed. It's a scheduled thing which I don't allow to last more than 30 minutes. I'm the number cruncher in the family and will spend insane hours working up our cash flow sheet, but I don't allow her to get away from the meeting without some input. I won't accept a "whatever you feel like doing honey" response from her. She's really good about participating though, and corrects our budget all the time. I love that.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-20-2008, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by ChristopherJ

We've actually agreed to have a "Cash Flow Meeting" night usually every Friday evening after the kids go to bed. It's a scheduled thing which I don't allow to last more than 30 minutes. I'm the number cruncher in the family and will spend insane hours working up our cash flow sheet, but I don't allow her to get away from the meeting without some input. I won't accept a "whatever you feel like doing honey" response from her. She's really good about participating though, and corrects our budget all the time. I love that.

Hi and welcome to the boards!

**missmanny** · 08-20-2008, 06:18 PM

Cricketlegs, good for you! abd I'm so glad that Hubby is able to give you that positive affirmation, you need it every now and then, it is no easy task juggling everything, and it is noce to know that he is on board and that he trusts your judgement.