advise helping out our kids

**itlw8** · 09-22-2008, 12:59 PM

first it is done so no good reminding me they are adults.

Ds has been getting less hours at his new job. they have run up credit cards and had a late payment so the interest went WAY up. So they had few choices.

1 they called us to ask for some temp help which turned into a much bigger deal

(more later)

2 they also want us to help them get things in order and ds is looking for a different job and a second one.

so it boils down to we took out a $25,000 personal loan at 5.99% in our name and they will make the payments for 72 months

We could help pay it down sooner to save them interest and they pay us . But I suppose in the long run it cost us money right? We should pay down our mortage instead ?

writing that down put it in perspective so now I guess what I need is how to help them learn what we have been learning.

this forum for sure
emergency fund
debt snowball ( already one giant one now in my name)

too much info will overwhelm them do I just wait until they ask and send them here ????

and why do I feel like a bad girl who did not listen today ??????????

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 09-22-2008, 01:08 PM

Yikes! Was that the only option for them? Did you sit down with them and look at their budget and how they can improve on their money handling? It sounds like they certainly need some financial education. Seeing as how you just saved them, I think having them read a book or two on finances is not too much to ask. I like Dave Ramsey's total money makeover, but there are also a lot of good frugal living books that would open their eyes to some lifestyle changes that would help them. I think maybe the Tightwad Gazette might be too much to start with, a little extreme to some people, especially newbies at it, but maybe something by Mary Hunt? She has a lot of books that are frugal minded and not extreme. Good luck! Money is a learning process for most people and now is as good a time as any for them to start learning. That was nice of you to help them, I hope they are grateful.

**itlw8** · 09-22-2008, 01:29 PM

A freind gave me a book by Mary Hunt which got us going so I will quickly read it again and pass it on... Big problem is dil is dyslexic so tends not to read ( I wonder what I can find on tape ?) and ds is ADD and LD so at times has trouble comprehending what he read...

no cable tv so the Suze orman show is out until we tape some of her shows..

They have internet when he takes the laptop to his MIL

I know I have heard Dave Ramsey on the radio so just need to find out where and when

**HappyMama** · 09-22-2008, 01:42 PM

Hi Meg,

It is great you are helping your Ds and Dil but agree with everyone else so far and recommend Dave R and helping them set a budget. Dave R. tapes are available , that might help with Dil. We have them at our library so would check out the library inter district system online.

**xtena** · 09-22-2008, 02:47 PM

Like you said, the deed is done. I do hope with all my heart that they honor the payments for the duration of the loan and that you don't get 'stuck' with them. I also wish you luck in aiding their financial education. It sounds like ds is on the right track looking for a second job.

**Parksfamily5** · 09-22-2008, 02:56 PM

Hello. My best friends in laws helped them out like this. The only problem was that since they bailed them out they didn't learn anything until the 3rd time when they had to do it themselves. ( let me say that I love my best friend to death and it would have been much better for them to learn this lesson earlier than later). Since you helped them out, maybe they will be willing to get with the program and try to change whatever ways got them into this.

**jamie79** · 09-22-2008, 03:05 PM

If its no good to remind you that they are adults why did you ask the question when you have already helped them?

**leezza** · 09-22-2008, 04:24 PM

I would get a signed contract with them and have it notorized so that you have something on paper.

JMHO,
leezza

**mnmarty03** · 09-22-2008, 06:20 PM

That's a lot of money! Your son and daughter-in-law hopefully know how great you guys are for doing this for them... my parents would never have done that much... so hopefully they are counting their blessings and will now learn lessons that need to be learned.

As far as the mortgage vs new loan idea, I would probably choose to help pay the loan down faster... if all you have is a mortgage for debt. Still make the kids pay you back the full amount of the loan, however. If it were me i would want to pay the loan back faster for my sake more than theirs. Others probably have some better thoughts on this though.

**EmilyD** · 09-22-2008, 06:34 PM

WOW, wish I had some one who could foot me $25,000.

Good luck and I also hope they honor their committment. I doubt they will learn much from this but maybe they will.

Mary Hunt's book is my favorite and so is Dave Ramsey's. They would be good gifts for Christmas or a BDay if there is one sooner.

My thoughts are with you.

**FrugalMomof3** · 09-22-2008, 08:19 PM

I know since you stated in your post you already helped them but I agree with reminding them that they are adults and next time they have to bail themselves out which means they need financial books or even some help in the budget dept.

I sure hope they honor their commitment and if I were you I would get something in writing with both their signatures.

**Wendy99** · 09-22-2008, 09:55 PM

It's nice that you helped them out, but I think the best help you could have gave them is to let them struggle and learn for themselves (sounds harsh, but it's the best experience to learn). However, since the help is already given I agree get something in writing asap and pay down the loan rather than the mortgage because in the end it's "your" loan now and I would want that gone before the mortgage. That being said I would still charge them full interest for it - whether you save interest paying it down faster or not. I cant stress enough about getting it in writing though ...

**macemesmum** · 09-23-2008, 02:30 AM

Wow this is really a slippery slope, lending money absolutely can ruin a relationship, have you thought about what you will do if they dont pay then you find out they have spent money on non essentials. I understand as a mum why you would help them out but that is a ridiculous amount of money to have spent on credit cards!! and if they cannot pay is this going to affect your relationship with them. I really do hope it all goes well for you and them.

**Greebo** · 09-23-2008, 08:54 AM

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222174406&sr=8-1"]Boundaries[/ame]

Read it, seriously, for their and your own good.

You won't be helping your adult children by bailing them out and making their problems yours, and you will end up most likely paying back that loan all on your own.

**itlw8** · 09-23-2008, 11:21 AM

they have already on their own had a paper drawn up and nortorized and really spending was not most of the problem medical bills and being off work was a biggie she had a baby and got a staph infection and passed it to the baby.... no excuses then the major cut in hour for him and no savings.

BUt the advise I need for THEM now that they asked is where to guide them to solve the problem themselves.. The underlying problem more money going out than coming in.

Asking for advise BEFORE you do something ( like buy a house with no down payment.

I have sent them here so maybe That will help not coming from parents.

The good thing is this is our responsible child and he has paid back all money we have loaned him in the past.