Telling CC companies to stuff it

**Preston** · 06-02-2009, 07:53 PM

My wife and I came into some money and decided to purchase a house this year and we will be closing in a few weeks. We have a fully funded Emergency fund now and will have about $20000 leftover (after claiming the $8000 tax credit for first time buyers) This will be plenty to wipe out our CC debt. YAY!

Right now I have accounts that have zero balance that I will not use but have only kept open to keep my FICO score up for home purchase. But now that I have the mortgage underway, once I close on the house I am going to closing those accounts.

I have decided that I'm going to have fun with this and NOT be professional in any way about this but rather tell them exactly how I feel about them and I will post my letters and their replies here for entertainment value..

First up will be Chase bank... then CItibank... The American Express...

I will only close one account at a time so they can h ave my complete undivided attention.

I find it funny with this greedy idiots that they CONSTANTLY send me things about how they care about me and want to help me protect my identity (for a ridiculous amount) . I have NOT signed my name on any transaction on these accounts for about four years now. I have signed "Elmer Fudd" "Jerry Springer" and more recently "F### YOU"

This should be fun and I hope it's entertaining.

**craftypam** · 06-02-2009, 08:10 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! Cannot wait to read your posts. That has to be soooooooooo exciting.

**Gardengal18** · 06-02-2009, 08:26 PM

Congrats! Can't wait either. Hope you rip them a new one LOL!

**Preston** · 06-02-2009, 09:51 PM

Here is rough draft, I am not sending this until my account is officially at zero balance.

--

Dear Chase Bank:

As of today I am requesting that my accounts ending in XXXX and XXXX be closed. I want you to do this immediately and report it to the credit bureau(s) that this account is to be closed upon consumer request.

The reason for this closing is simple, you are greedy a$$holes and I no longer want anything to do with any more of your bulls###. Quite frankly, I can summarize my feelings toward my relationship with you in to words: F### you.

You have not made it easy. Every time I am have contacted you I hear about how important my business is to your company. Well, at this point I feel I should have a barcode and serial number engraved on my forehead. I am merely a number to you and that is all. You care about me about as much as an Atlantic City hooker, only wanting the money and not caring that you gave me crabs.

I will also warn you at this point that this communication may be monitored for quality and training purposes, it also may be sent to various media sources, and mostly likely any reply given may find its way to a public forum I see fit, because I feel the public has a right to know how shady you are. Since you’re running on our money, it’s the least you can do, right?

You’ve raised my APR for no reason, lowered my credit limit to less than my current balance, and had payments get “lost in the mail” even though I made them online through your website. One of the accounts has a credit balance of 95 cents. Send me my check, please.

And if you didn’t try to squeeze every penny out of me directly, you found a way to manipulate my government into bailing you out because you can’t handle your own finances. After receiving this help, you thanked America by sending even more jobs to India.

I realize that you, the person reading this, are probably from India. Let me say I have no personal beef with you and I am requesting you send me some good curry recipes. I really like spicy food.

You are the worst bank I have ever had to deal with, bar none, and you got even worse when merging with Bank One. Thank you for making my life a living hell for no reason whatsoever.

You see, I have never been late on a payment despite all the financial crunches I have been in in my life. I take some pride in this. I realize that because of this you consider me to be a “deadbeat.” Well, if I’m the deadbeat, and I’m actually paying my bills, what are you? If it wasn’t for Uncle Sam you would’ve collapsed, and deservedly so.

Let’s start with my account ending in XXX, which is the first one opened with Chase bank. I liked this card because of the rebates and the 5% back on gas. I established a pattern of paying my bill in full on time every month and because of this you felt obligated to raise my APR to 28%-ish. I guess you figured that if I were to mess up you could kick me while I’m down. I’m not down, I’m not out, and you’ve lost another customer.

You further pissed me off when you, without advanced warning, lowered my credit limit from $4000 to $1600 when my current account balance was $1500 with pending transactions. I caught this right away and you reversed the charge, as you should have. I will not thank you for reversing a charge that should never have been applied in the first place. And if you claim you gave me advance warning, I received the notice in the mail A WEEK AFTER going “over” my “limit.”

Now there is the account ending in XXXX. You have never ceased to amaze me on this account. In fact, the only way to describe Chase bank when it applies to the account is that you are like an infected hemorrhoid right at the base of my asshole when I’m stuck with travelers diarrhea.

First of all, I do not know if the annoyances and bullshit I have endured on this concept have been with Chase Bank directly or with Bank One, however I consider that to be one in the same as when purchasing Bank One you opened up yourself to their mistakes.

This account has been at a balance transfer rate for a long time. I have made consistent payments above the minimum while I’ve gotten back on my feet financially. When I first made the balance transfer I was charged a transfer fee. You felt obligated to charge this fee as a purchase and applied the purchase APR to the fee but the balance transfer rate to the balance transfer. How greedy are you, honestly? This came out to about 15 cents a month in your favor on such a small amount. This annoyed the hell out of me but I can see since you can’t handle your own finances I guess every little bit helps.

As a side note, I have found that Quicken really helps track expenses, tell your CEO he might want to try it sometime so he can balance his checkbook.

Another time you tried to get me with this same account (and tried to raise my APR subsequently) is when you claimed you hadn’t receive my payments for two months in a row. I had used your website to directly pay the account but your customer service rep told me that the payment “probably got lost in the mail.” How the hell could this happen? Do you think I’m a moron? As it turns out a simple AUDIT could have taken care of this as your data entry personnel added an extra 0 to my account number, but you have admitted to any fault.

And finally this year as I’m buying a house and taking care of other things you felt the need to violate the terms of my card member agreement by raising my Life of Loan Balance transfer of 5.99% to 15.99% APR. I guess you were hoping I wasn’t paying attention. Now I’ve gotten you to lower the amount but you are yet to refund the charges from when my APR was unjustifiably raised.

I’m through with you and I hope you fail.

Sincerely,

P.S. Tell your CEO he needs a new toupee.

**Sassyclass** · 06-02-2009, 10:19 PM

LOL, I love it. I'm printing this off and taking it to work to pass around if you don't mind. Sadly hilarious.
I can't wait for Part II.

Cat

**Greebo** · 06-03-2009, 08:35 AM

Very nicely done and sounds very personally satisfying.

**Gardengal18** · 06-03-2009, 08:48 AM

HAHAHAHA! You done me PROUD! LOL!

**wwe11** · 06-03-2009, 10:02 AM

That was awesome.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 06-03-2009, 10:13 AM

Preston, that is by far one of the most awesome letters I have ever read. Kudos to you!

**Preston** · 06-03-2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Sassyclass

LOL, I love it. I'm printing this off and taking it to work to pass around if you don't mind. Sadly hilarious.
I can't wait for Part II.

Cat

Please tell me what kind of feedback you get from you co-workers.. I'm dying to hear it.

I went to bed on this and woke up and read this letter and even though I wrote it I was laughing my ass off.

**Amish Country Livin** · 06-03-2009, 10:44 AM

Pure genius!!!!
Kudos times a million

**forHISglory** · 06-03-2009, 11:37 AM

Preston, I feel your pain! But I fear the CC company will only read your first paragraph and the rest of your script will be tossed. Can you condense to a pithier letter? I'd love to see you really write a concise satire that would give the punch that you desire. And just a personal preference: lose the profanity and use something more original to catch attention. Often companies will just write off anything with profanity as coming from someone who can't come up with any other way to express themselves.

I commend you on taking on this task. The CC company needs to be told what it is like to be in your shoes. Thanks for taking them on!

By the way, I'm not really known for my conciseness in writing, so I know it is a task. But it will be worth it!

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-03-2009, 11:51 AM

I agree, lose the profanity and shorten it if you want them to actually read it.

Originally Posted by forHISglory

Preston, I feel your pain! But I fear the CC company will only read your first paragraph and the rest of your script will be tossed. Can you condense to a pithier letter? I'd love to see you really write a concise satire that would give the punch that you desire. And just a personal preference: lose the profanity and use something more original to catch attention. Often companies will just write off anything with profanity as coming from someone who can't come up with any other way to express themselves.

I commend you on taking on this task. The CC company needs to be told what it is like to be in your shoes. Thanks for taking them on!

By the way, I'm not really known for my conciseness in writing, so I know it is a task. But it will be worth it!

**Preston** · 06-03-2009, 12:14 PM

I honestly doubt they would read past the first few lines regardless...

But it felt really good to write that.

**StartingOver** · 06-03-2009, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by forHISglory

Often companies will just write off anything with profanity as coming from someone who can't come up with any other way to express themselves.

I commend you on taking on this task. The CC company needs to be told what it is like to be in your shoes. Thanks for taking them on!

I'm sure it did feel good to write it....that's what journals are for. To get your feelings out on paper, thus making you feel much better.

But.....I'm thinking they will be passing your letter around, having themselves a good laugh thinking "man, this guy must have nothing better to do"

Lose the profanity and write something more professonal.