Do you hide $ from your spouse???

**nodmicks** · 09-22-2009, 12:11 PM

I jusy was told about how a woman hides cash from her husband and takes $ from his wallet to hide because he never knows how much he has. She seemed very proud of herself.

Huh??? What the heck? What do you think?

My hubby is not into the finances, bill paying or investing much but I always makes sure he is aware of what is going on. I'd never take $ from his wallet without telling/asking him

**Greebo** · 09-22-2009, 12:14 PM

I think that woman's in a relationship headed for divorce...

**nodmicks** · 09-22-2009, 12:15 PM

Could be Greebo. She said she had been married 36 years. She was picking up jeans for her grandchild I listed on freecycle. Why she would tell a complete stranger her life story and that fact is so beyond me

**Pemberleyan** · 09-22-2009, 12:21 PM

She's stealing, pure and simple.

I've never had a reason to hide money from DH.

**baxjul** · 09-22-2009, 12:23 PM

While I don't actually "hide" money from my dh, I do have to literally explain everything. For example:
Today dh asked how much money is in the bank. I told him, and he got all interested. I said BUT... xxx amount is for dd's dance competitions, xxx is for the next house payment, xxx etc. etc. If I didn't do that, he would think that he could just go on a spending spree. That is why I pay all the bills now, and he doesn't.

**YankeeMom** · 09-22-2009, 12:31 PM

Nope. No need to.

Now, I could see if it was an abusive situation or a controlling person. But in that case, I'd like to think I'd get out of Dodge ASAP.

**danni** · 09-22-2009, 12:41 PM

I deal with all the finances at our house but I do let him know what is going on. He just happens to forget 5 min after I've told him, so he never really knows how much money there is. I would never take money with out aking him first. That is definitely not a healthy relationship.

**Nishu** · 09-22-2009, 12:44 PM

Eh, I don't do it but I personally don't think it's that serious. IT's worked for them for 36 years and I really doubt he's completely clueless about the fact that she's taking money from him. She didn't say why she's doing it either. She's probably not supporting a crack habit.

I take money out of our joint checking and put it in our savings account. If he asks, I'd say that there's XX in our checking and I probably wouldn't mention savings. Is that stealing too? I don't really think so. I'd take money out of his wallet if he didn't need it.

Taking money that won't be missed from a stranger is definitely bad. Taking money that won't be missed from a spouse is a bit of a grey area, I think.

**Jamauk** · 09-22-2009, 01:09 PM

DH took some money out of my wallet the other day when he was leaving on a trip and didn't have time to stop at the cash machine. He didn't purposely lie to me, but he forgot to tell me. When I went to pay for something the next day I had to use the debit card because I was short on cash. I called him and asked and he said yes he took the money, oops forgot to tell you. I'm sorry. It wasn't a big deal.

As for hiding money from him. No, never. Well, I take that back. I hid money from him once. He was still managing the bills at the time and took $20/week out of my grocery budget and hid it so I could buy him a gift without him seeing it pop up on the bank statement. He has done the same thing in the past.

I'd say that's the only downfall we've found from being completely open about our finances and having only one checking account that we share. Its hard to surprise each other with nice gifts

ETA: the way the OP is worded, it sounds more sneaky and deceptive. THAT I think is wrong. Its just a trust and honesty issue.

**chevy_chick95** · 09-22-2009, 01:23 PM

Yes. My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years) can barely help pay bills. I have another bank account ( he knows about it) but he doesn't know how much is in it. It is how I keep my sanity! Our finances are seperate we just split household bills... I don't see anything wrong with me having a sep. Bank account. If I wouldn't have had I a couple times we would have lost my car....

**Greebo** · 09-22-2009, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by chevy_chick95

Yes. My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years) can barely help pay bills. I have another bank account ( he knows about it) but he doesn't know how much is in it. It is how I keep my sanity! Our finances are seperate we just split household bills... I don't see anything wrong with me having a sep. Bank account. If I wouldn't have had I a couple times we would have lost my car....

Yeah, but you aren't MARRIED yet.

Its your life, but I think you know, based on how you describe DBF's money habits, my recommendation about this guy and your future...

Greebo prepares for the massive flaming sure to follow that bit of 'advice'...

**C@rol** · 09-22-2009, 01:40 PM

No. Not at all. No reason to.

**Karen1** · 09-22-2009, 01:44 PM

not hide
we just save money from wherever we get some extra and put it away for out personal spending

no reason to take money like stealing from a wallet

if we sell a beef, I just split the money between us and he has his, me mine and we do what we want with it.

money sure is a big cause for trouble--no trouble in this land...LOL

**thefrug** · 09-22-2009, 01:47 PM

If this is what this woman does to folks she apparently loves, what do you think she might do to others? I wouldn't trust this woman to take my trash to the street.

I would never take from anyone. Especially my husband!You have to watch people like those. They always have a justification in their minds about what they steal.

**zakity** · 09-22-2009, 01:47 PM

It depends. Are you (general you) hiding it because you are hiding it or hiding it to make sure you keep afloat? I could see the keeping afloat thing. Sometimes, the partner just sucks at bills. I have recommended to several wives to hide money in an account that their husbands don't know about. The husbands are spenders. They see the money in the account and they go spend it, one husband spends it on toys and the other just spends it and doesn't know where it goes.

One mom had borrowed some cash from her daughter because she forgot to go by the bank and the daughter had cash at the house. She called the husband and had him draw out the money on the way home from work to pay the daughter back and also little extra for gas for the car. She didn't get around to asking for the cash until the next evening and he had spent it and had no clue where the money went. She asked if he had given the daughter the money that they owed her and he said that he hadn't. So, that was like $50 or more gone. And, he isn't working very much (very part time because there is no work right now in his field) and she went to work because he isn't working (not making anything near what he makes, but it is income). They don't have the money to just blow. She had even explained to him when she had asked him to draw out the money that it was money owed to the daughter and to give it to her when he got home. His response was, "well, I will just go draw out some more." There wasn't more to draw out. The guy is a really nice guy but just is totally inept with money.