I hid a purchase from Hubby

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 09:08 AM

I hid a purchase from Hubby and I'm trying to figure out why I would do such a thing. I scares me that I would do such a thing.

Back ground:

My Mom always hid purchases from my Dad. Sneaking them in the house, not wearing new clothes (until she could say they weren't new), getting upset if Dad was home after a shopping trip so she had to leave things in the car. etc

I hated this a child. Never wanted to do it. When Hubby and I were engaged we talked about this and He said he didn't like that either and asked me not to hide purchases. All went well for our 15 years (to date) of marriage no purchases hidden until Friday.

A few days before Friday I wanted to hide ( but didn't hide ) a sweater set I bought for me at the Goodwill. But still I wanted to and had to fight myself not to. Hubby was very proud of my deal and thought the sweater looked lovely on me.

Then Hubby had vacation days from work. One day I went shopping for the weekly groceries and bought a Large 75 cent drive thru soda, like I always do on shopping day. Hubby knows this I haven't hidden it from him before. He knows my shopping tradition (Having a soda in the car to sip on between stores helps me to not spend on more expensive sweets at the store)
But this time I went out of my way to throw out my empty cup in the outside trash instead on heading in where he was with the groceries and throwing it away inside.

I don't understand why and it scares me that I would do such a thing.

**nodmicks** · 12-21-2009, 09:27 AM

Imagine I don't have an answer. However you are conscious of it, it bothers you and you can make a conscious effort to not do it.

Maybe you could tell hubby and discuss it with him since it is bothering you. . Hugs! We all have our little quirks. Do you and dh have personal spending $ or do you discuss every single purchase?

I occasionally do something slightly on that order but with sweets. I have been diabetic most of my adult life. Hubby worries way too much about this.

His grandma lost both legs and her eyes to diabetes so I understand his worry but once in a great while I just want junk! If I buy a huge doughnut or something on the way home from work I toss the garbage outside so yep I'm hiding it. It is easier than hubby worrying about it because I know the occasional junk won't kill me but he sure won't believe it. It is easier to hide it. Bizarre but true.

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by nodmicks

Imagine I don't have an answer. However you are conscious of it, it bothers you and you can make a conscious effort to not do it.

Maybe you could tell hubby and discuss it with him since it is bothering you. . Hugs! We all have our little quirks. Do you and dh have personal spending $ or do you discuss every single purchase?

I occasionally do something slightly on that order but with sweets. I have been diabetic most of my adult life. Hubby worries way too much about this.

His grandma lost both legs and her eyes to diabetes so I understand his worry but once in a great while I just want junk! If I buy a huge doughnut or something on the way home from work I toss the garbage outside so yep I'm hiding it. It is easier than hubby worrying about it because I know the occasional junk won't kill me but he sure won't believe it. It is easier to hide it. Bizarre but true.

No Hubby and I do not have personal spending (all one pot Hubby makes the money and we all share it) We also do not discuss every purchase. Big purchases yes but drinks out of vendin machine (hubby at work) or the occasional lunch out we don't discuss. Hubby also let me make the decisions about the needs of the household (food, clothing, personal hygiene etc.) He pays the bills.
Different jobs, different responsibility same pocket.

**nodmicks** · 12-21-2009, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by imagine

No Hubby and I do not have personal spending (all one pot Hubby makes the money and we all share it) We also do not discuss every purchase. Big purchases yes but drinks out of vendin machine (hubby at work) or the occasional lunch out we don't discuss. Hubby also let me make the decisions about the needs of the household (food, clothing, personal hygiene etc.) He pays the bills.
Different jobs, different responsibility same pocket.

That sounds similar to how we do it also though I do make a small part of the $ and pay all the bills. Hubby has never paid one.

Would it help to have a little personal spending $ for yourself? Even just a few $'s ?

**ladykemma2** · 12-21-2009, 10:13 AM

so are you feeling "shame" for buying a soda?

**Contrary Housewife** · 12-21-2009, 11:08 AM

I would say that deep inside you are feeling guilty about buying things for yourself. Do you feel that you are maybe spending outside your budget, or that you don't really deserve these "extra" personal treats? This is common among women, who have generally been taught that they are caregivers and must put others needs before their own.

**LynnLC** · 12-21-2009, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

so are you feeling "shame" for buying a soda?

I was thinking this too...

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

so are you feeling "shame" for buying a soda?

I'm not sure that is it as I don't feel like hiding the three sodas we bought today (treat for me and the kids home on Christmas holiday as we clean the house for Christmas)

I do remember that once Hubby had commented on the Large drive thru sodas. Then he learned that they were not the almost $2 they normally are but 74 cents if bought before 10:30 am about the same price as the vending machine sodas at his work. I suppose I could feel "guilty" from that time Hubby didn't understand that I wasn't spending tons but I wouldn't think so and that wouldn't count for me wanting to hide the sweater set a few days before.

**mombottoo** · 12-21-2009, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife

I would say that deep inside you are feeling guilty about buying things for yourself. Do you feel that you are maybe spending outside your budget, or that you don't really deserve these "extra" personal treats? This is common among women, who have generally been taught that they are caregivers and must put others needs before their own.

Plus, some women are made to feel that if they don't work outside the home the money brought in really isn't theirs. My hubby has fallen into that syndrome on more than one occasion throughout the years and nothing makes me go balistic quicker!!! Amazing how quickly he changes his tune when I present him with a bill for all the "services" I render...he can't afford me!

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife

I would say that deep inside you are feeling guilty about buying things for yourself. Do you feel that you are maybe spending outside your budget, or that you don't really deserve these "extra" personal treats? This is common among women, who have generally been taught that they are caregivers and must put others needs before their own.

That might be it. When things get tight the Mom(I) feels guilty for spending on herself but not on others. Hence not feeling guilty for the soda with the kids but for the soda when it was just my treat and the sweater for me that was not truly a physical need but more of a emotional need.

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by mombottoo

Plus, some women are made to feel that if they don't work outside the home the money brought in really isn't theirs. My hubby has fallen into that syndrome on more than one occasion throughout the years and nothing makes me go balistic quicker!!! Amazing how quickly he changes his tune when I present him with a bill for all the "services" I render...he can't afford me!

Are they made to feel guilty my others or my their own thoughts?

I don't think Hubby would ever make me feel guilty at least not on purpose.

Did you really present him with a bill? That is too funny

**Rebookie** · 12-21-2009, 03:12 PM

You are scared over 75 cents?! I thought this thread was gonna be uglier! =-D I am sorry you felt the need to do that! Maybe you needed some danger in your life! Who knows! I hope it gets resolved!

**imagine** · 12-21-2009, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Rebookie

You are scared over 75 cents?! I thought this thread was gonna be uglier! =-D I am sorry you felt the need to do that! Maybe you needed some danger in your life! Who knows! I hope it gets resolved!

I'm scared that I could do something like hide a purchase from Hubby. It just happened to be a 75 cent soda.

Same day Hubby confessed that he let our son take the mp3 player to school. This is normally against the rules ( it was a special reward day and they could bring them to school).

Hubby came up and confessed saying "I can not keep it any longer I let him take his mp3 player to school today."

Clearly, Hubby can't keep things from me either.

**mombottoo** · 12-21-2009, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

Are they made to feel guilty my others or my their own thoughts?

I don't think Hubby would ever make me feel guilty at least not on purpose.

Did you really present him with a bill? That is too funny

In answer to your first question...sometimes by others and sometimes by their own thoughts. I have always spent way too much time putting others needs before my own, but I'm getting better at taking care of me first now.

Yes, I did really present him with a bill. I don't think my hubby ever did it on purpose...comments just slip out sometimes when people forget to put the brake on. My dh is actually really a gem, just that when he was younger he was a gem in the rough.

**imagine** · 12-22-2009, 09:52 AM

I want to purpose another idea on why I might have hid the purchase.

Hubby was at home both times I wanted to hid (and once did)

Do you think I could of had a knee jerk reaction to my childhood and slipped back to the child me?

I did feel just like I did when I was a child and Mom would find out that Dad was home already when we returned from shopping. She would even say thing like "We better hope Dad isn't home" or "I sure home Dad isn't hope" and she would get upset if he was and breath a visible sigh of relief if he wasn't.

I remember as a child hoping Dad was not home when we returned from shopping as I knew we would have to hide all or most purchases (even though I'm not sure my Dad would have ever gotten mad about purchases)

What do you think? Is it my childhood I need to deal with?