Almost back where we started (vent)

**ansley** · 01-08-2010, 04:14 PM

Last Aug FS finally decided things were so bad that FS would do the DR plan and I was shocked that FS actually followed though. I (FS left it up to me) got bills current and Baby EF in place. We had some needed house repairs coming up so I saved as much as I could and almost had enough to do the complete repair. FS was impressed and I was excited that FS saw the plan working. Christmas was paid for and we had paid off about $1,500 of our debt in 5 months.

For 4 months FS followed the budget with a little overage here and there but nothing that tweaking the budget wouldn't fix. Yesterday I found out that FS got mad at a company and decided that FS didn't want that co's stuff and bought new stuff to the amount of $1,075. This is of course on payments and we no longer have the old stuff to try to sell. I don't know what FS did with it. Traded in maybe? This isn't in the budget and I don't have the money to pay it.

It physically hurt to add back to our debt almost everything I had just taken off. I don't know if I keep doing this.

**MandaRenee** · 01-08-2010, 04:27 PM

I don't have any great words of advice or comfort but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry.

This is a big setback, but you seem to be such a strong person I know you will find a way to make it through. Even though it sucks.

**ansley** · 01-08-2010, 05:32 PM

I'm not strong or I wouldn't be in this mess.

I have decided to tell FS to shape up or the dc and I will leave. I'll have to get on gov assistance but the dc and I can't stay in this. We are more important than a truck or cigarettes or etc.

**Cricketlegs** · 01-08-2010, 09:05 PM

I don't know what a FS(future spouse?) is but I am sorry you find yourself in this mess. I hope you can find your way to whatever you need to do for your happiness.

**NikoSan999** · 01-08-2010, 09:16 PM

More toys?

**mombottoo** · 01-08-2010, 09:40 PM

Ask him what he did with it...then let him know how upset you are that he charged up your debt when you have been working so hard to get it under control.

Everybody has setbacks, it doesn't mean you are not strong. It does mean you need to get yourselves back on track. I know $1075 is a lot of money, perhaps FS should figure out a way to make the payments himself.

**sinopa27** · 01-08-2010, 10:11 PM

I am so sorry.... I hope he realizes what he has done. Maybe something happened and he just lost it for a moment.

**rowdy35** · 01-08-2010, 11:24 PM

ya, i was married to someone like that too. it is so hard. feel for you and wish you the best to do what is right for your kids.

**frugalfranny** · 01-08-2010, 11:35 PM

Sorry this happened. I hope you will find the strength to do what you decide to do......no matter what that is.

Good luck......hugs to you.

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-08-2010, 11:38 PM

He sounds like a self-sabboture w/ impulse control problems. He didn't feel he needed to include you in this decision. You have to ask yourself some tough questions about that. He isn't thinking in group but single. Sounds like a repeating pattern.

**ansley** · 01-10-2010, 09:53 PM

FS= free spirit

His response was, "ya'll would be better off with out me. I always screw things up." What a baby.

I should have said fine but I told him that we loved him and we knew he loved us but the dc need things that we can't give them because of his spending. I also told him I had been trying for 9 yrs and I just can't do it on my own.

A little later he came back and said he could cut his blow money to pay the 1000 by the end of the yr. I don't feel he is giving up much as I haven't had blow money in 9yrs but we'll see if he does it or not.

**frugalwarrior2** · 01-10-2010, 10:07 PM

FS=immature man
Make a budget. Go over it together. He needs to understand the real cost of his actions. The "I always screw things up" is maipulative or depressive.

**Siebrie** · 01-11-2010, 09:07 AM

Wow! And this has been going on for 9 years? You are a braver woman than I am!

Letting you take care of the budget/getting even is another way of avoiding responsibility. Saying he will have $ 1000 by the end of the year, after spending it in a few minutes is.... I don't know, I can't find a polite word.

Good luck and stay firm!

**Greebo** · 01-11-2010, 09:24 AM

FS = Future spouse?

Until you're married, I would advise against combining your finances.

The debt in question is *his* debt - not your debt. Thinking of it in that way may help you get a clearer perspective on the situation and what the future is likely to hold.

**ansley** · 01-11-2010, 02:04 PM

FS = Free Spirit (term from the Dave Ramsey show)

We have been married all this time. At first it was the stars in the eyes, to the he works too, to the he is head of the household, to our dd needs special schooling and we can't afford it. There are things I want for DS, like his driver’s license so he can get a job or do errands for me. We don't have public transportation here and we can't afford for our INS to double.

I have done budgets with him and with his input. I have shown him the results at the end of the month and asked for his help in areas we have over spent. I have tried all the things the wonderful people here have suggested.

DD's special need just about ripped my heart out, knowing there is not a da*n thing I can do to help her. I was told to work with her after school, because they don't have time to work with her during school, but after a full day of school and then homework she is exhausted and breaks down in tears if I ask her to do more. It isn't crocodile tears. The child is exhausted and misses recess a lot because she just can't get the work done during class time. She needs time to play. We found a great school that works with this issue but it is private and cost.

This time I am done. If, by the end of the school year, he doesn't cut his blow money enough to make the payments each month the DC and I are moving out. He is also going to have to prove to me he is trying to stay on the budget.