Clear the Air

**BigTony** · 01-24-2010, 05:27 PM

First, I am not going Chapter 13 on my parents debts, My parents debts are in a DMP, this is my mess I take full responsibility for it. The only thing my Mother ever did was try to help me, when in fact she enabled me. So at this time we are 4 months down in thier DMP.

I was trying to get my own personal debts into a Chapter 13 program, I hired an Attorney that mislead lead me so bad. He told me in September that I would be out in a year and my payments were only 400.00 a month, after he filed the Trustee wanted 700.00 a month for 60 months( I can not afford this ). A rather go down then hurt my parents any more!!

one last thing, I though this was a support group? Some of the prior comments were harsh. I would never do that to anyone, I might give my opinion but never put anyone down. I f--- up and that is hard enough to live with everyday.

**alotofgooddeals** · 01-24-2010, 05:34 PM

I never said any harsh words to you... just didn't think someone could go bankrupt for someone else and by reading the post that is what it looked like you were trying to do.. I don't know your past and it is not my place to judge...i merely asked a question...

We all screw up... been there done that and chances are i will do it again...you just have to remember to get up and try again not to screw up....

Take care and good luck.....

**mombottoo** · 01-26-2010, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by BigTony

First, I am not going Chapter 13 on my parents debts, My parents debts are in a DMP, this is my mess I take full responsibility for it. The only thing my Mother ever did was try to help me, when in fact she enabled me. So at this time we are 4 months down in thier DMP.

I was trying to get my own personal debts into a Chapter 13 program, I hired an Attorney that mislead lead me so bad. He told me in September that I would be out in a year and my payments were only 400.00 a month, after he filed the Trustee wanted 700.00 a month for 60 months( I can not afford this ). A rather go down then hurt my parents any more!!

one last thing, I though this was a support group? Some of the prior comments were harsh. I would never do that to anyone, I might give my opinion but never put anyone down. I f--- up and that is hard enough to live with everyday.

Sorry you felt some of the answers on your other thread were harsh...although I read the entire thread and have no idea what post(s) you thought were harsh.

There is a big difference between $400 per month for 1 year and $700 per month for 5 years...was the trustee aware of other debts that perhaps your attorney wasn't?

Your claim that "the only thing your mom ever did was try to help you, when in fact she enabled you" is what I call a backhanded acceptance of responsibility. Some kids (adult children included) have a way of manipulating their parents into helping sometimes, even when deep down the parents don't want to. I'm a parent myself and a couple of my kids have taken undue advantage of our generosity...but, those kids due to their ways no longer have an ATM card to the bank of mom & dad.

We do support each other on this board, but support doesn't always mean flowery words and pats on the back. Sometimes, it means someone on here will put what you don't really want to read in print...and sometimes what makes someone upset are the answers that hit the closest to home....

**Josephhgoins** · 01-26-2010, 11:17 AM

I hate that you are going through this in your life and wish you the best.

**beks37** · 01-26-2010, 11:34 AM

Kudos to you for owning up to your past mistakes and making an effort to fix it.

**Greebo** · 01-26-2010, 02:33 PM

I still don't know what was said that you found harsh. I've invested a fair amount of time in offering you help and frankly I'd like to know if you took something I said the wrong way.

**Imarachne** · 01-26-2010, 06:24 PM

Do the best you can to fix your problems--understanding your mistakes and trying to fix them is admirable.

**Palooka** · 01-26-2010, 06:38 PM

I get the feeling I was the 'bad' one.

I offered my advice in a few threads. I only posted by what you shared and what I could read clearly.

**Judi Dial** · 01-26-2010, 06:52 PM

I didn't participate in the other thread, or I don't think so....but I can tell you that sometimes because we don't have all the visual and other nonverbal cues that speaking in person gives you, things get taken incorrectly.

I've asked a few innocent questions here and gotten jumped on, to the point where frankly if I have a question of that type, I either pm my question to someone who I think might know or I don't ask it at all. However, that said, I think if I'd asked those questions in person they would not have been mistaken as attacks, which is how they were taken at the time.

So my advice here is to understand that all we have of each other in most cases are these little black hieroglyphics we call letters, and it's really easy to be mistaken about the emotional content behind them!

All that said, I'm glad you're here, trying to fix your problems and owning up to your responsibility for those problems. Good luck!

Judi

**Holding Pattern** · 02-02-2010, 09:27 AM

One also has to realize that opinions are just that. Thick skin also helps - especially when you're putting problems out for the world to analyze.
I've gotten nailed to the wall once or twice - but there was always truth in the blunt comments.