Need advice and guidance.

**twinzmom903** · 02-18-2010, 12:05 PM

I am at a loss for words right now. I'm just going to type what comes to my head and I ask that you be patient for just a minute.

Over the course of 15 years, I have let bad debt get the best of me. Surgeries, 2 divorces, car repossessions, foreclosure... yeah you name it... I've done it.

I just blew the "debt off". After letting it go for so long; I know you're going to think I'm crazy but something happened the other day and I have this HUGE discernment on my heart that I need to pay back what was borrowed, bought, etc. I asked God to show me areas where I was lacking and I think God showed up the other night.

I have ordered my credit reports (annualcreditreport) "the free ones of course" and after browsing over it... I just started to cry. How did I let this happen?

I never took responsibility over my own actions because I thought it was "no big deal". One repossession... month later bought a car with no problems.... lost job... reposession again... this cycle continued.

When my husband and I were married I was the only one that was able to get the home loan due to my husband's bad credit. We seperated a year later, home foreclosed and we stayed separated for 4 years. I "thought" that since we were signing both names on the deed, that he would have SOME responsibility in having the foreclosure show up on his report. (NOPE). 3 years ago we divorced not using an attorney. We had no property to speak of.. everything we had in our possession was what we took when we went our separate ways. He was in a relationship with a woman who is/was "WELL OFF". Kids went with him and we now have joint custody. I couldn't afford a 3 bdrm home on my income and the twins being 11 years old (boy/girl) they needed their own room so that's why they stayed with him. I do pay child support and after that leaves me with $1500.00 (bring home).

My car that I bought a few years ago is paid for (thank goodness). My father passed away last April from cancer and it just happened to be a "win/win" situation that I move back home to be closer to mom and help her with things. I know I'm pretty scatty in my details but what I'm really needing help on is this:

With over 95K in debt that is hovering over me.... do I file bankruptcy or try to pay this all back?

Here is my current breakdown:

$1,500.00

500.00 (rent, includes utilities, food)
70.00 (commuter van)
70.00 (cell)
161.00 (car insurance - full coverage)
100.00 (gas for car)
40.00 misc (lunches, twins events)

Left over 600.0 (ish)

Is it REALLY possible to pay all the debt off showing on my report? Alot of it will fall off (per the report) 2011, 2013.

I haven't had alot of guidance in my life (positive) and it's very embarrassing to be almost 45 and still not feel like you have everything together.

I would appreciate any advice....

Melissa

**Greebo** · 02-18-2010, 12:36 PM

First of all - may I just welcome you to responsible adulthood? It's good to have you with us. You've made a mess - no doubt - but your resolve to clean this up and make good - as much as possible at least - is to be commended. The past is the past and while it's important to learn from the past, it's also important to leave the past behind and not try to live your life by staring in the rear view mirror.

So - here's to tomorrow and what it may bring!

So lets start with joint custody - you're paying child support because the kids stay with him. Is that court ordered or agreed upon between you? How much are you paying? I think you should pay support if the kids aren't with you - but what confuses me is that you have joint custody and YET are paying - it would seem to me that under joint custody, wouldn't you all be equally responsible?

Not my area of expertise however - so I'm just curious.

Originally Posted by twinzmom903

My car that I bought a few years ago is paid for (thank goodness).

Good!

With over 95K in debt that is hovering over me.... do I file bankruptcy or try to pay this all back?

The amount of debt you have does not determine whether you are bankrupt. Your ability to pay it back and any impending legal action may. Right now, you have closer to $500 a month extra according to your budget that you can put towards debt repayment - whether that means you can make progress or not depends on a few factors which we'll get to.

Left over 600.0 (ish)

No - Left over is $559. Get "Ish" out of your dictionary now with regards to money.

Is it REALLY possible to pay all the debt off showing on my report? Alot of it will fall off (per the report) 2011, 2013.

Not on $559 a month - $95k of outstanding debt at $559/month is 14 years to repay. But as you said, a lot will fall off in 2011 and 2013. What that means to me is a lot of the debt has been charged off already.

So - questions:
1) What debts are active? By which I mean, which debts are actively seeking you out for repayment?
2) Have you been sued over any of these debts (excluding the foreclosure)?
3) What are the debts showing on your report - please give the nature of the debt (car, home, credit card), amount showing as owed, current status, and the dates showing.

I haven't had alot of guidance in my life (positive) and it's very embarrassing to be almost 45 and still not feel like you have everything together.

Listen, you're not far off from me. I got to 38 before I realized how ****ed up my finances had been. That really doesn't matter. What matters is where you are now and what you're going to do with today and tomorrow.

Some general recommendations:
1) Read Dave Ramsey's, "The Total Money Makeover" if you have not already. That will give you basic guidelines on how to deal with money and debt in the future.
2) Attend Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" - Find a class here: http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/locate-class/ . THat's a 13 week program that will teach you a *LOT* about money - not just how to manage it and deal with debt, but tips on career improvement, deal finding, and such.
3) Stick around - read often, reply quickly, and share details to the best of your ability. We DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You are an anonymous person on the internet - so you have no worries about being found out.
4) Forgive yourself. You are starting to do the right thing - so go ahead and let yourself let go of the past here. That may be the hard one, so let me just tell you, it's OK to forgive yourself. You may have been a not so great person in the past - but you're not one anymore. To quote Dave Ramsey - "Being self aware is the first step to correcting stuff - you are on track!"

**Samigirl** · 02-18-2010, 12:40 PM

There are other people on FV who can give excellent detailed advice on how to handle your debt situation, so I will leave that to the experts. I just want to encourage you to read Dave Ramsey's, The Total Money Makeover. You can also go to his site and listen to his show for free. There are MANY people who have worked through situations such as yours, who have come out victorious. Dave's show is the single best motivator for me to stay on track. He will give you hope! Getting out of debt won't be a quick fix....in fact, it will be downright TOUGH. But, if you have a willing heart and the commitment to change, you CAN get through this!

**Mom2-3** · 02-18-2010, 01:29 PM

Welcome!! Have a hug, a cup of coffee and get your budget together! Make every dollar or penny have a name!

Our snowball was very small, but we kept plugging along and soon our last credit card will be paid off

Greebo gave a lot of good advice! Welcome to being an adult (it sucks sometimes) lol

**twinzmom903** · 02-18-2010, 01:45 PM

Greebo- I found where a class was starting from the linky. However, when I called the church.. they cancelled it due to no feedback.. lol! Found a bookstore that sells used books and have one on hold for me to pick up this evening. **Looking forward to that**.

Due to the joint custody question you had... well we did the divorce ourselves like I said..(no attorney) and I WISH I had one because I was screwed. The twins are with their dad M-F and I have them on weekends and various holidays (so child support that I'm paying is VERY fair and it's 500.00 per month). I'm in the process of having modifications made to the decree "WITH AN ATTORNEYS" help. What I'm having changed is I should be able to claim "1" of the children for year end taxes.. Also, getting visitation of holidays put in stone.. for example: Petitioner gets children even numbered years, blah blah blah because it's not put in the papers... and what used to be agreed on is no longer agreeable because of his "new wife" and their HUGE pedestal they seem to be standing on...

ALOT of the debt looks to be charged off. The debt remaining "active" are doctor bills and one repo that shows to not be charged off and the total of all is: $13,328.00

**Greebo** · 02-18-2010, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by twinzmom903

Greebo- I found where a class was starting from the linky. However, when I called the church.. they cancelled it due to no feedback.. lol! Found a bookstore that sells used books and have one on hold for me to pick up this evening. **Looking forward to that**.

Start with the book then - FPU can wait a while. Keep looking, one should come around eventually.

Thanks for explaining the child support - someone else may have input on that, I don't.

ALOT of the debt looks to be charged off. The debt remaining "active" are doctor bills and one repo that shows to not be charged off and the total of all is: $13,328.00

Ok you leave the charged off debt alone for now. When you start your debt snowball following the DR plan, you'll focus on the $13,328 to start. If the charged off debts fall off the report completely before you finish, it'll be up to you whether to go back to them or not. I will say that morally I feel you do owe the money, no matter what your credit report says - but it could be virtually impossible to pay it back if you try at this point - so i'm not gonna tell you that you must plan to pay them back too. Past is past.

**alotofgooddeals** · 02-18-2010, 03:04 PM

Just wanted to personally thank you for all the info that you supply.. i have days that i read your post and well it makes this scrimping and saving worth while....

**Greebo** · 02-18-2010, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by alotofgooddeals

How did you get to be so intelligent.. Greebo..

Just wanted to personally thank you for all the info that you supply.. i have days that i read your post and well it makes this scrimping and saving worth while....

You're welcome - and to answer your question - I have very very few original thoughts. Occasionally I come up with a decent idea, but most of the time, I am simply good at regurgitating what I take in - so I make it a point to take in good information. I listen to and read material produced by people who are in life where I want to be.

**twinzmom903** · 02-18-2010, 03:41 PM

AWESOME... JUST AWESOME!!! (((Hugs to you Greebo)))

**Vanilla** · 02-18-2010, 04:17 PM

Just want to

You can do it!

**Preston** · 02-18-2010, 05:01 PM

How are the terms between you and your ex? I know you may feel obligated to pay child support.. but if he is married to someone who is 'well off' then maybe work out a detail to either lessen or defer the amount of child support you pay. Be honest and try to work something out. But there are a lot of variables with this.

I'd leave the charged off debts alone -- that's why you probably paid higher interest when you were paying on debt because you were higher risk. this is fit into their business model and has long been charged off. I'd ignore it. You may feel morally obligated to pay some of these older debts off. But remember, this is capitalism, and the risk was most likely fit into their business model.

However, the current debts -- the $13k, I would work on. There are a number of ways to do this. The most common was is listing the debts smallest to largest and then paying smallest first. Attacking it with a vengeance. While still paying minimums on other debts. Then when that is paid off, work on the next one.

The method I used involved listing the banks, from first to last, in terms of which I hate the most. Chase, Bank of America, Capital One, Citibank...etc. Then I just attacked them until they were down and I am within months of being CC debt free. But I don't have the wounds that you have. I am married, no marital problems, no children, no outstanding medical issues, no repo, no foreclosure, no divorce. You'll have to figure out what works for you and do it.

Don't be afraid to feel a little uncomfortable getting through this -- use this as a motivator so you will NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN.

that's all I have to say for now.

**rowdy35** · 02-18-2010, 11:21 PM

i'm not a fan of bankruptcy in most circumstances.

however, in your case i would do it.

your income is very low.

good luck to you.

**Greebo** · 02-19-2010, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by rowdy35

i'm not a fan of bankruptcy in most circumstances.

however, in your case i would do it.

your income is very low.

good luck to you.

So she should make her credit even worse for 10 years by putting a BK on her record over debts that are going to fall off her report in 2 years?

Ummmmm... maybe not.

**twinzmom903** · 02-19-2010, 08:13 AM

After reviewing my free credit reports.... Bankruptcy is no longer an option for me. I'm in a safe haven right now while staying with my mom. I don't have the kids during the week which gives me the opportunity to possibly take on a part time job during the week and make a little more $$$ to tackle on this debt.

I'm so much more motivated than yesterday thanks to Greebo picking out some valid points and explaining them to its entirety. So BK is not even in my focus.

I'm so thankful it's Friday.....

**Josephhgoins** · 02-19-2010, 08:56 AM

Just a comment on the charged off debt. I have been luck and not had any debt that got that far, but I do have family that got into that situation.

They were not able to pay off the charged off debt. They tried, but their payments were returned.

They finally found some charities and gave them the money. No it wasn't anywhere near where the money should have went, but it did make them feel morally better.

Just thought I would share.