What am I going to do.

[Rhiamon]

Due to my deppression and mental illness issues I let bills slid go or ignored them. Now we are always broke, and I have bills that they are threating to send to collections. I am kicking myself in the ass, because I feel like I am starting all over at being frugal. I am trying to talk to my DH about this, and his answer is it just can't be done. Well that is not a good enough answer it has to be done. Then when I make a suggestion on how we could start to save money again he is like well that is a good idea. If I have the money we can put some away. Or I said that we should quit smoking that would save us a bundle. He said yup sounds good, but then goes you quit first then I will think about it. GRRRRRRRRRRR. We really have no money. No savings and no money in the bank. I have no idea how I am going to pay the bills, and start to save money. It feels like everything is crashing down. Which is not helping my mood at all. Any suggestions on anything would be so helpful.

[Greebo]

1) Get your depression treated
2) Get to marriage counseling so DH can get help with his defeatist attitude
3) Post your budget so we can see what's really happening. Income, expenses, and debts (balance, rate and min pmt)

[Contrary Housewife]

Everyone falls off the wagon at some point. The thing to do is jump back on it.

You don't quit smoking first. You quit *together*.

[baxjul]

Hugs! And I understand. I really do.

[kita]

I can't believe I am saying this...
Can you smoke cheaper in the meantime? Roll your own, cut down. In the states you used to be able to buy from an Indian reservation so you wouldn't have to pay federal taxes.
Heck, my brother bought tobacco seeds for a friend who was complaining about the cost of smoking. I suppose a couple of tobacco plants in the backyard would put a solid dent in the cost of smoking...

[kita]

And I heard an ad about quitting smoking that applies to both quitting and being on the "frugal wagon"

If you fall off the wagon, it just means that you are practicing. Dust yourself off and try again...because practice makes perfect.

[Mom2-3]

First (if it were me) I would go for a walk in the sunshine. Take the dog (easy to talk to ) or just with DH. Getting out of the house will help.

Start formulating a plan. List your debts/income. Find simple ways to cut. I understand about the smoking. Like a PP suggested, maybe a cheaper brand or less while you are getting things together?

Take some deep breaths You can do this!!

[ladykemma2]

can your husband take over the bill paying when you are in your episodes? or, can he take ove the bill paying?

[frugalfranny]

Everyone falls off the wagon at some point. The thing to do is jump back on it.

You don't quit smoking first. You quit *together*.

I agree with CH........

No help, but just letting you know I am here wishing you nothing but the best in your struggle.............KEEP TRYING.

[daughter of pearl]

For me, depression is the enemy of frugality because I get both a) lazy and b) defeatist, so even if I have the energy to do something about the debt, I feel like there's no point!

Don't give up! And don't wait for DH to get in the game, you create a plan to start recovering from debt, and he'll see how it's done.

Everytime you start again is a triumph!

[krbshappy71]

You don't quit smoking first. You quit *together*.

I disagree. Do whatever you can for yourself and your situation regardless if he joins in. Quitting smoking will not only help you financially but medically and if you start to feel in better health it can only help with your depression. Do you exercise? A brisk walk can really help, or any burst of exercise to get those endorphins going.

Are you on meds for the depression? I hope you haven't gone off them for financial reasons although I know when its tough times people will cut anywhere they can. Can a family member help you set up auto-pay on the computer so the bills are paid regardless of your depression times?

Hugs to you.

[Imarachne]

Don't feel like this can't be helped--you are on the right track for recognizing there are problems. Take each day as it comes and work on your problems in small steps. we are here for you.

[Kitten20]

Don't give up. You have made a huge step recognizing the problem and realizing that you need to make changes A.S.A.P. Sometimes that's one of the hardest parts.

Like Greebo said, if you haven't already, sit down (preferably with your hubby, but if you can't get him to do that -- do it yourself and then show him the numbers later) and make a list of all of your income, expenses and debt. If you are comfortable posting it here when you are done, we can help.

I, too, have depression and I find that having a plan (for anything and everything) really helps me stay focused, rather than drifting around in a sea of despair. I know it sounds dramatic, but that's how it feels someday.

I personally don't agree with using auto-pay. I prefer to pay everyone myself. That way, if something happens and I have to make a decision between paying two things (hey, it happens), I get to make that choice, rather than having things automatically deducted from my accounts. I learned that a long time ago. It just works better for me.

When you are depressed, maybe having hubby take over bill paying is an option. However, hopefully just having that plan and knowing that you are making progress (however small -- you have to start somewhere) will be motivating enough to make you want to pay your bills. (I'm actually excited to pay bills now, but everyone is different.)

I also disagree that you have to quit smoking together. It stinks that your hubby isn't on-board, but he can't quit until he WANTS to. Perhaps if you quit, it will set an example for your hubby?

Good luck!! *hugs*

[porembam]

I hope you are being treated for depression. I believe that yes, you can quit smoking first and then let your husband follow. Even if he doesn't your body will appreciate the break fromall the chemicals.
Financially I don't know how big a whole you have. If you can just start and slowly just pay the basic bills you may get on a roll and find yourself back in the groove.
Depression is very lonely and everything looks worse - you need that taken care of 1st.
Good luck and keep posting your recovery

[ncarr]

*hugs* hang in there. I totally know where you are coming from with the depression. Are you on medication? Sit down and write down everything you owe. I know it is overwhelming but it really helps to get a handle on things. Then start writing out a plan. If you are comfortable posting numbers we will help you!