Need to get this off mind

[patticakes]

I have been tracking where our money has been going since the first of the year and I have spotted glaring places where my weak points are (walking into a store for one item and walking out with too much). I told my DH and he just shrugged it off. I have asked him to come along -- he doesn't have time, he's too busy, got other stuff to do etc. It feels like I am telling him that I have an addiction and he is saying, oh well.

What the above leads to is overspending, and we all know what that feel like.

Additionally, I have need to go to a couple $pecialist$ for MRI'$. DH wants me not to pay until we get a settlement (who knows when or how much) vs pay them now (our portion is $2500 would pull from savings).

I just feel so sick. It really does feel like a sickness, that I can't do this right and inferior.

[Liane]

If your DH won't help you with this, then it is up to you. Find ways to not overspend. Use cash, have a list, shop with someone who will hold you accountable. As for the MRI's, talk to your husband and tell him that you want to get them done. This is your health, very important. Also I would pay for them out of savings. Settlements can take years and you have no idea when that money is coming in. You can replace your savings with all of the money you are going to save shopping. Hang in there. You can change your habits. It can be done

[itlw8]

We shop together and it really does help he is a go in and get what you need and leave person.

When he is not there I shop at a real grocery store and not Walmart that other 1/2 of the store kills you when you only really NEED food.

now he stocks up just because we are getting low... I say it is not on sale this week or on the menu so we pass it by.

I agree medical problems need to be taken care of and you have to pay the bills.. so maybe save the money you do not overspend each week and stick it aside?

[JanieD]

Have you considered starting a thread here where you "report" your overspending? This kind of accountability from FV could help. Sometimes, those around us can't really see how something as small as the extra $20 spent at Walmart can add up over time. Perhaps, knowing that you have to share your splurges would keep you on track.

With the MRI, I think its important to have tests done & not put it off. When dh needed these type of tests, we told the doctor that we would be paying since our deductibles are so high. The doctor mentioned another office out of town that charged a lot less & was just as good. Often, these offices require full payment at the appointment or within 30-45 days of insurance billing. This saved us at least $1,000-1,500 for the MRIs alone. It doesn't hurt to check. I'd definitely ask for a discount if you're planning to pay up front too.

[Josephhgoins]

I have a similiar problem. Except I don't have anyone to help me shop. I love shopping and routinely do it. I even like grocery shopping.

I have learned that I have to use tricks to keep me from overspending. Some have worked much better than others.

First one that I tried is to only use cash. It didn't work for me, but maybe it will work for you. I ended up with things in the cart that I didn't need in lieu of things that I did need.

I also, only buy anything if it is on sale. I never ever pay full price for anything no matter what. Ever.

Another trick that works well is to check your store hours. Go last thing in the evening and only allow yourself 10 minutes in the store before it closes. You can only get so much extra stuff in the 10 minutes. I may mean an extra trip out, but it is worth if for me usually. The trip is especially fast if I just want to go to bed.

Of coruse you know all the old tricks like eating before you go and make sure your arn't in the mood to shop when you go.

I know its silly, but when I lived 45 minutes from the store, I would always drink a large glass of tea right before I left. Nothing gets you done quicker than needing to pee.

Is it possible that you husband has the same issue and knows that if he goes with you it will only compound the issue?

I wish you luck, but I am sure if you give it more time it will work out for you.

[Thevail]

I try to schedule shopping for just before I need to be somewhere else.

Then I leave a lot of things behind because they're going to have to sit in the car, or because I only have a few minutes to shop.

The other thing that helps me is knowing where everything is in the store. That way you can go directly to it, get it, and leave! No aisle wandering and merchandise pondering.

Also, go through the express lane. There is much less "eye candy" in that lane anyway, and you can only have so many items.

Another trick I use is to leave the shopping cart at the door. Usually no basket either! Your two hands can only carry so much. When you're tempted to go get a cart.. leave!

[craftypam]

First, can you talk to the hospital about getting the mri's done and ask them to put you on a payment plan. I have insurance and when I get a bill that is too large to pay I call them up and they are happy to make a payment plan. They would rather get some money each month than none at all. Also the hospital that we go to gives you 40% reduction in your bill if you are paying cash and do not have insurance. As far as the shopping goes; maybe you can make a list and keep it and go shopping every other week or once a month. Less in the store; less able to buy alot of extras.

How about when you pick up an item ask yourself if it is a want or a need. Or think about something you would like to save for or how great it would feel to be in no debt. I can spend with the best of them; but I hate debt. It is soooo freeing and so worth it. I would love to shop with you and discourage you from spending; I'm doing it with my 24 yr old son who wants to buy a house right now.

You could also set aside so much money for shopping and when it is gone; no more spending.

[Nada.Leona]

I don't want to come across as rude or unfeeling, but the shopping thing is your problem, not your DH's. And it is something you have to learn to control, and not rely on him for. You can't always have him there to help you. It's the same as any other addiction -- porn, cigarettes, drinking, etc -- you have to make the decision to overcome it and put your foot forward and just do it. It's not up to him to keep you on the straight and narrow. He can't always be there.

Now, onto ways to help you. Starting a responsibility thread here on FV is a great idea. Also, making a list of what you need and sticking to it. And don't bother going for "just one thing" because you're right -- you never ever come out with just one thing. So set a certain day aside and say, "This is the day I'm going to get what I need". If you don't have that item til Thursday, well, you make do without til Thursday.

Lots of encouragement and "you can do it" attitude!

[mek42]

This may sound silly, but would it work to go twice to the store? Once to locate everything on the list, record a price, then add everything up, but don't bring means to pay in with you. Then once you have a total, go to the bank just for that amount and come back to buy?

Maybe even load up the cart and then ask to leave the loaded cart at customer service saying, "I need to go to the bank before purchaing thses items, may I please leave this cart here?"

Also, try practicing telling yourself, "No." Even make up silly things, like if you want a snack, say to yourself, "No, not until after I do such and such chore." Or, ideally, just plain, "No, not today."

And it is perfectly fine after resisting these urges to come post here to share your success. I don't think anyone would post anything other than a congrats even over something you think is really small, like, "I ran out of butter and went to the store and came home with only 1 lb of butter and not anything else, not even a chocolate bar!"

If there is something you really, really want, tell yourself that you'll only get it if you can stick to the list for four other shopping trips.

Just some thoughts - hope some of them are helpful!

[ladykemma2]

shop every two weeks. no entering a store [period!] until the next shopping scheduled date.

shop with a list and a calculator. plan your meals.

[mauimagic]

Lots of great ideas!!

You certainly are not inferior for needing help in this or any other area!!

I personally like the idea of buying only what you can carry in your hands each shopping trip. You'll need to be really aware of what you need to buy!! Also, paying only in cash - absolutely. It won't be easy, but I know if you set this up as your priority and really work at it - then you will succeed.

Please let us know how and what you are doing - and also what works and what doesn't. You may not realize it now, but you are not alone in this challenge and there are people who need you to lead the way for them!!

[frugalfranny]

Of coruse you know all the old tricks like eating before you go and make sure your arn't in the mood to shop when you go.

The being hungry is the one that can kill my groc. list faster than ANYTHING else. This is even worse if I have a long list. I am never in the mood to shop......hate shopping.

Some great ideas here........they should all help. Just be sure to put them to use!!

good luck......I don't think you are alone in this struggle at all!!

[Dancing Lotus]

I stopped going for just one thing. Because we all know that it's never just one thing. If I run out of something before grocery day, TUFF! We just have to do without. Sorry if that's not what you were looking for but it's the only way that works for me.

[mndtrp]

I use a list when shopping, and I only go through the store once. If I missed something, I'll get it next time. That limits the wandering around, as well as the wandering eyes. I don't go to the store for just one thing, and I don't go when I'm feeling in the mood to spend money.

As far as the MRI's; talk to the hospital. They might be able to work a plan out with you. Also, CareCredit is a card that can only be used for medical reasons, and they usually have a one year, no interest plan.