stunned by friend's credit card use

**frugal is fun** · 05-17-2010, 09:35 AM

so I had a few ladies from my local moms group over for dinner Friday night.

It was a nice evening of light conversation and laughs. However, one of the girls kept making numerous comments about how she used her credit cards.

I didn't ask questions, or lecture or even say anything as it wasn't the time or place but I was litteraly STUNNED at her use which is for everything. That she just "swipes" for this or for that.

Her and her husband are both teachers in the same school district and she was talking about how layoffs may be coming that could affect both her and her husband. She came right out and said that even if just one of them were laid off they wouldn't be able to keep their house.

They are also in the last stages of adopting a child from China. Both of them are not able to go to China to pick the child up because it would be $5,000 per person to go for travel expenses and that there is a $5,000 "donation" that needs to be paid in cash. She was very open that they did not have the $5,000 cash for the donation and but at least they could charge the travel expenes.

I was absolutely shocked to hear this....that people are still so blind!

I thank my stars that I have totally seen the light and found frugal village and that I will NEVER be in her situation.

What are people thinking????

**beks37** · 05-17-2010, 09:45 AM

That is crazy! Finding the village has changed my financial life for sure!

**nuisance26** · 05-17-2010, 09:46 AM

~It's always awkward when people talk so openly about money in public like that. I literally bite my tongue or leave the room because someone will invariably steer the conversation to how frugal I am and then I feel like people think I'm going to say something really judgmental about their choices. I just want the freedom to choose when I publicly allude to my finances too.~

**Liane** · 05-17-2010, 09:53 AM

I have a friend who shared with me her debt from credit cards. A few years back her husband's hours were cut and she was not working so they would charge groceries, car payments... You name it, they charged it. At that time they were in debt $40,000.00. They were paying everything late. If her Mother didn't help them I am sure that they would have lost their house. I can understand stuggling but I can not understand letting things go so far without doing something about it. My friend could have gotten a job. Even part-time would have helped. I never said anything, I just listened. She wasn't open to suggestions. The most I have ever had on any credit card was $1000.00. Now I have a stack of them and they gather dust. I like my debit card because you can only spend so much. My hubby doesn't even have a credit card. He believes that if you don't have the money, you don't buy it.

**nodmicks** · 05-17-2010, 09:56 AM

Did she say if they pay it off every month? I don't see anything wrong if you do however all that last bit you said would be a panic thing to me and I'd save every dime I could!

**mek42** · 05-17-2010, 10:28 AM

Wow. We have a friend where the wife bragged about running up a relatively large credit card bill to "get even" at her husband about something. The SAHW (don't remember if they had kids yet) was totally oblivious that she was spiting THEIR financials not just HIS. Baby and bath water revisited.

**mombottoo** · 05-17-2010, 10:49 AM

Because, some people cannot save & wait to get what they want and usually their wants exceed their spendable income. It is a sad state of affairs but, we live in an instant gratification society...

**frugal is fun** · 05-17-2010, 10:59 AM

She didn't say if they paid it off every month but just by her comments it was my impression that they were just about maxed out.

I could be wrong but don't think so.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-17-2010, 11:17 AM

Yeah, that's just crazy.

Even with my spending habits, I never ever go a few days without paying off what I put on the card. I remember how much trouble we got into with the cards before and how now, we're paying off so much debt because of it.

I don't see how some people can be so proud to spend money they don't have when the economy's still unbalanced. Perhaps losing their house would be a wake-up call for them.

**mauimagic** · 05-17-2010, 11:52 AM

Seems to me that self-esteem issues are popping up all over the place - why else would people brag about how much CC debt they have? we all know how easy it is to get caught up in the 'I'll just put it on my card" routine - and I know that we are still working out way out - but sounds like these people don't even know that they need to start shoveling!!

**vigilant20** · 05-17-2010, 02:27 PM

How do they think they'll be able to afford raising a child? :\

**mek42** · 05-17-2010, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by vigilant20

How do they think they'll be able to afford raising a child? :\

Vigilant20 for teh win. Seriously. Anger sharks in my head now.

**Luckybustert** · 05-17-2010, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by frugal is fun

so I had a few ladies from my local moms group over for dinner Friday night.

It was a nice evening of light conversation and laughs. However, one of the girls kept making numerous comments about how she used her credit cards.

I didn't ask questions, or lecture or even say anything as it wasn't the time or place but I was litteraly STUNNED at her use which is for everything. That she just "swipes" for this or for that.

Her and her husband are both teachers in the same school district and she was talking about how layoffs may be coming that could affect both her and her husband. She came right out and said that even if just one of them were laid off they wouldn't be able to keep their house.

They are also in the last stages of adopting a child from China. Both of them are not able to go to China to pick the child up because it would be $5,000 per person to go for travel expenses and that there is a $5,000 "donation" that needs to be paid in cash. She was very open that they did not have the $5,000 cash for the donation and but at least they could charge the travel expenes.

I was absolutely shocked to hear this....that people are still so blind!

I thank my stars that I have totally seen the light and found frugal village and that I will NEVER be in her situation.

What are people thinking????

I agree with you, but unless she's asking for help or advice, I'd probably just smile sweetly and thank my lucky stars that I'm not in her shoes. We all have financial choices, and many of us do not like being judged for choosing a more frugal way of life. I can only imagine those who still rely heavily on credit card use don't like being judged either. When they decide it's a problem, they'll change.

**kita** · 05-17-2010, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by frugal is fun

so I had a few ladies from my local moms group over for dinner Friday night.

It was a nice evening of light conversation and laughs. However, one of the girls kept making numerous comments about how she used her credit cards.

I didn't ask questions, or lecture or even say anything as it wasn't the time or place but I was litteraly STUNNED at her use which is for everything. That she just "swipes" for this or for that.

Her and her husband are both teachers in the same school district and she was talking about how layoffs may be coming that could affect both her and her husband. She came right out and said that even if just one of them were laid off they wouldn't be able to keep their house.

They are also in the last stages of adopting a child from China. Both of them are not able to go to China to pick the child up because it would be $5,000 per person to go for travel expenses and that there is a $5,000 "donation" that needs to be paid in cash. She was very open that they did not have the $5,000 cash for the donation and but at least they could charge the travel expenes.

I was absolutely shocked to hear this....that people are still so blind!

I thank my stars that I have totally seen the light and found frugal village and that I will NEVER be in her situation.

What are people thinking????

There may be some things you don't know about. For the Chinese adoption to be approved (and since they are saying travel expensis and last stage, I am assuming they are waiting for a child, not approval) there are strict financial guidelines:

IV. Either the husband of wife holds a stable occupation. The family annual income reaches $10,000 for each family member, including the prospective adoptee and the family net assets value should reach $80,000. The family annual income does not include welfare income, like relief fund, pension, unemployment insurance, or government subsidy, and etc.

The adoption itself can easily cost 20,000. So it may be that they were in fairly good standing financially and are in a bind now because of the adoption. They are probably hoping to recoup some of their losses on the adoption tax credit. Depending on who you talk to, it may even be a refundable...they would get money back if that $13,000 credit is more than their tax liability. (previously it just held over for up to five years until you have used it up)
How do they plan to raise the child? My guess is with a hope and a prayer until their finances settle down.
I'm only saying that the situation may be immediatly frustrating for them...but not a constant issue.
Also it may be a case of she is trying to paint the situation as bleak as possible in that "misery loves company" and she may not want to brag...

**mndtrp** · 05-17-2010, 08:00 PM

I put every last thing I can on my credit card, which I then pay off each month.

When other people talk about their financial situation, I can usually tell if they are open to hearing about how I do things. I don't lecture them, just state the way I operate. Some people don't want to hear, though, so I let them ramble on about their spending habits, being thankful that I'm not going to worry about how to pay their bills when I get home.