Little backslide

[mek42]

While reviewing things this weekend, we noticed that in our excitement to get store card #2 paid off we neglected to budget for a different payment that was due. This is a payment that my wife had agreed to make, but that until FPU I made. The plan we have is for her to make minimums / snowball from minimums on all the cards totally or partly in her name and I will throw extra money toward BS1 when needed or BS2.

Anyhow, we are able to make the payment on the one we forgot to make in person so we drove out, I took cash from ATM from my checking and we avoided the stupid tax. While out in the city we needed to go to, I got a little bit spend happy also and spent through my checking reserve.

I really don't like being near zero balance. Not at all. The only bright side is that because I had the reserve, we were able to avoid a late fee (I get disproportionately upset about late fees) and we didn't touch any credit cards, the BS1 EF or even the extra in my savings account. I'll be building up the reserve again next week.

This has been bothering me, so I figured maybe a public confession would be helpful.

[frugalfranny]

This has been bothering me, so I figured maybe a public confession would be helpful.

Okay....public confession accepted........did it help?

Won't forget it next time will you?????????

[mauimagic]

No, seriously, do you feel better - is it out of your system? Sure hope so - now get those engines going and get on with it!! Not only can you do it, you are doing it!!

[Greebo]

While reviewing things this weekend, we noticed that in our excitement to get store card #2 paid off we neglected to budget for a different payment that was due. This is a payment that my wife had agreed to make, but that until FPU I made. The plan we have is for her to make minimums / snowball from minimums on all the cards totally or partly in her name and I will throw extra money toward BS1 when needed or BS2.

Anyhow, we are able to make the payment on the one we forgot to make in person so we drove out, I took cash from ATM from my checking and we avoided the stupid tax. While out in the city we needed to go to, I got a little bit spend happy also and spent through my checking reserve.

I really don't like being near zero balance. Not at all. The only bright side is that because I had the reserve, we were able to avoid a late fee (I get disproportionately upset about late fees) and we didn't touch any credit cards, the BS1 EF or even the extra in my savings account. I'll be building up the reserve again next week.

This has been bothering me, so I figured maybe a public confession would be helpful.

It sounds to me like you are operating out of multiple checking accounts?

[kita]

Up until yesterday, I would have thought it impossible to be disproportionately upset about late and bounced check fees. But I suppose a Mel Gibson rant wouldn't be called for.

[mek42]

It sounds to me like you are operating out of multiple checking accounts?

Yes. My wife and I have maintained separate finances after getting married.

[Greebo]

Yes. My wife and I have maintained separate finances after getting married.

If you two are going to operate on the same page going forward, operating out of a JOINT account will force you to be accountable to each other on a whole new level.

Right now, on a subconscious level, you *know* you've got "your own money" - and so you can do whatever you want with it, and deal with the consequences later. You may not think that consciously, but reading post 1, sounds like that's exactly what happened.

C and I used to work like that. When we consolidated our accounts into ONE account, play time was over for me. I knew if I hosed up "my" account now, it wasn't just mine, and there was gonna be one well flung frying pan waiting for me at home. It forced us to work as a much more unified team - cause the alternative was fiscal betrayal of my wife.

So - food for thought - think about removing your escape hatch. If it's allowing you to revert to "I WANT IT AND I'M A PRINCE SO I'M GONNA GET IT" mode, man up and get rid of it.

[Mom2-3]

The two separate accounts in a marriage always fascinated me. I wonder...Who pays for dinner when you go out? How do you handle the grocery budget? If one makes less than the other spouse, do you pay more for the mortgage?

I'm not asking you personally. I just always wondered about separate finances in a marriage.

[mek42]

I will admit that we need to sit down for more joint budget meetings. We reluctantly got married in the first place. We were happy cohabiting and when comparing ourselves then to married couples around us that were fighting all the time and generally miserable we hypothesised that being unmarried gave us the freedom to walk at any time, thus providing incentive to not be a jerk to each other. Once married it would be more of a pain to walk, therefore maybe some of that incentive would go away.

Well, we're still not jerks, but it meets a need / desire for as much freedom as possible for both of us to maintain our own finances mostly. In fact, it wasn't until dragging my wife to FPU that she decided to "let" me help pay down the credit cards just in her name that were used just for her purchases.

The backslide was an isolated event. I gave into some old spending habits while having minor stress about avoiding the late fee. Six months ago this would very well have been an angry fight. Now it was just a, "We WILL go get this taken care of in person right now," moment. We're still moving in the positive direction overall and that, at this stage of the lifestyle change, is the important thing.

[mommy4ever]

Until last spring we had separate bank accounts. It worked fine. My income pays utilities and groceries. His pays mortgage and at that time debt repayment.

The income dispersed roughly the same, but from the same account. I did find things get paid faster now. I divide everything by the amount of pays in a month and do partial payments each pay. I am a little ahead in some, due to extra pays, but it cushions the months we earn a little less.

It can work both ways. Separate or joint. And people DO forget to make payments, it HAPPENS. I have been known to pay the wrong bill. So a huge credit on one, and a late payment on the other...doh. Life happens.

[Greebo]

I differ from Dave on the "YOU MUST OPERATE ON ONE ACCOUNT" mindset, to a degree.

Thing is - Dave firmly believes that a married couple should be acting *as one* - and from where I stand, *IF* a couple is acting *as one*, then it *should* be "OURS", no more his and hers. You wanna be a unified partnership, then commit to it.

But not all marriages work like that - not all couples are truly ready to *be one* yet. Some couples are flat out dysfunctional, and one of the partners has to protect themselves and maybe the kids. One partner may be simply giving lip service to the unity thing, then going out and doing whatever they want afterwords.

So I give people some slack on the 1 marriage 1 account thing - but for C and I, well, its working, and it keeps me from ****ing everything up by getting too comfortable about what's in the bank.