Advice please.

**Rhiamon** · 07-21-2010, 02:52 PM

I don't know what to do here. I am on disability and because my husband works some months I don't get anything. We need to move but can't afford it. We live with my inlaws. But if we don't move I really can't get a job or go to school. However if I move out and we seperate even until I am done school and can start working, Disability will help me get an apartment, pay for daycare, and help me get to school or help retrain me. I don't know what to do. I am worried how this would effect our DD 7 if we did this. I don't know if we did this would she take it as hard as if I just said it was until mommy finished school.
We just keep sinking I even went to a credit counsoler who said that really there is nothing they can do. We are not throwing our money away, we are careful. We just don't have enough coming in. I want to get ahead and move forward but I am not sure how. All DH and I do now is fight about money. Sometimes I can't even stand to be in the same room with him. I love him. We seperated for 4 months last year, and then we moved back in together at my inlaws. We seperated over money and fighting so bad. Now I feel we are in the same spot again. I feel very trapped and stuck. I can also see my mood sinking lower and lower. I have no social life because I can't get anywhere, I can't take DD anywhere because there is no where to go.
My workers don't want me both working and in school at the same time. But all I have to do now is pass my interview and I am in. I don't know if I should tough it out the way things are and living with my inlaws 45 mins from town, and figure out how to get to school and pay for daycare and just keep sinking for a year and hope that I can get full or partime hours in June when I graduate from PSW.
I need some advice please.

**Contrary Housewife** · 07-21-2010, 04:45 PM

Which is worse for DD? Parents together who fight all the time, or parents separated who are working on a goal to get out of the hole?

IMO, you have an option: go to school or get training and make a better life for you and your kid.

**Inkstain82** · 07-21-2010, 05:28 PM

The first thing to do is make a budget. Figure out how much money you can spend. Because even if you aren't being wasteful, if it's more than you have, you are causing yourself nothing but trouble.

**pollypurebred39** · 07-22-2010, 01:14 AM

Rhiamon, I don't have any advice, I just want to let you know that I'll be praying for you.

**NewLeaf** · 07-22-2010, 09:43 AM

I agree with Contrary Housewife. Go to school. Could you go back and stay with dh on weekends? Could he stay with you once a week? Maybe you could make this work for all of you.

**Rhiamon** · 07-27-2010, 04:35 PM

Thank you for the replys. I have started apartment hunting but it is hard to find something in the price range that disability will give me. I put in an applacation for a two bedroom, and am just waiting to hear back. It doesn't look good though for me because of my situation they said. GRRRRRR I keep calling my worker at disability but she is not returning my phone calls so I keep having to go to the office. I have my interview for school on Thursday.Disability won't pay for daycare if I am in school but will if I am working. Seriously I don't understand that. DH said that he would pay for daycare while I am in school though. He also said that he would help move us once I find a place.
If it ends up that I can't find a place I will have to come up with some other option, but I told DH I am not missing this oppurtunity for school no matter what. As long as I am accepted. We have been fighting about money ( or rather lack there of) He still hasn't got his tax stuff together and I have been waiting and waiting so I finally just phone the lady who does our taxes to see if she could do mine and if we can file seperatly. Waiting for phone call back. I feel like I am just sitting around waiting for call backs. I hate waiting. I just keep telling myself that I am moving in the right direction to better myself.
It is hard because the little bit of money I had saved up for school I had to use to buy food for DD. It is part of the deal that with the rent we pay and DH helping his dad out with the business that they would buy the food. But mother in law has not been taking any of my suggestions for things to buy. So there has been no fruit or veggies etc. Lots of bread. LOADS of bread. So I went out and bought fruit, veggies, snacks and juice for DD. Next day mother in law went shopping, after knowing I bought all that stuff. And bought all kinds of "good" food, and stuff for DD then tells me there is not enough room in the fridge for the stuff I bought. GRRRRRRRRRR I am starting to feel like they are all ploting to drive me nutter then I already am.

**Syn D** · 07-27-2010, 04:42 PM

You need to do what is best all around, your apparently not happy, so how is that good for your DD..

If you do a temp separation, make sure you 3 get all the time together ya can.. Start dating your husband, it might help you rekindle your marriage..

**alotofgooddeals** · 07-27-2010, 06:48 PM

This is a great idea.... sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...
Tell your daughter that it is temporary until you finish school. That will be a little while and hopefully dh and you can figure things out so you can stay together but sometimes we all need a break... like tonight dh said he was gonna go help a friend out working on a car and i was like yeah.....don't come back to soon....We are good... we have had some hard times ourselves and probably stayed together when at times we should not have but now that we have been married almost 22 years i realize hey it's not so bad... he is a really good father and loves our kids very much and is very active and participates in their lives and we rarely ever fight anymore... i think we both have figured out that if i start to get annoyed or am going to say anything i shouldn't it is time to go somewhere else to cool off....and we have both figured out that if there is not enough money to go around(which has been alot lately)... we pull together as a team and do what needs to be done even if it means selling all the fourwheelers and toys which he has had do to this past year) so 22 years later and almost no fighting i think he may be a keeper... he he... take care of yourself...

Originally Posted by Syn D

You need to do what is best all around, your apparently not happy, so how is that good for your DD..

If you do a temp separation, make sure you 3 get all the time together ya can.. Start dating your husband, it might help you rekindle your marriage..

**khaski** · 07-27-2010, 06:54 PM

Go to school, move, have daycare for child paid for..see hubby on weekends and/or a few evenings a week. Sounds like you 2 need a 'breather' anyways, and this will be both a breather AND allow you to work towards a better station done the line, once school is done and you are reunited. It would not hurt your 7 yo to learn sometimes sacrifices need to be made in order to make progress in life, and it would not be a permanent arrangement. I say go for it- but I am not in your shoes. If part of you -doesn't- want to do it because you fear you and hubby cannot stay together (in the long run) that way- take a good hard look at it, if that were true, you won't be able to stay together under the same household, either. Crossing fingers for you!