Is it bad that I'm scared to look at the bank account?

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-05-2010, 11:47 PM

I'm outright terrified to look at it.

DH is in Edmonton until Wednesday or Thursday, which means he's spending money on gas and lunch and other items without me there. I had him budgeted for $300 to last two weeks, but he spent $140 at Wal-Mart and his commute is at least 40 minutes each way every single day. I'm not certain how much he's spending on gas, but I'm frazzled.

I'm also not sure if he's taking lunch with him or not.

I've talked to him every night, but I told him I'm worried to look at the budget. I know what I've been spending my money on (basically nothing except for $21 for dinner for the boys and I the other night) but I'm clueless as to what he's spending his money on.

I know that this is a different set of circumstances and as such, it's going to take some getting used to. But we were already strapped for cash before. This is going to hurt us even more.

He told me that they're offering overtime because this is their busy time of the year and I'm half tempted to tell him to take it. They're also offering people to work through weekends, which would mean a ton of money for us. But I also know it's his first week there and he needs some getting used to with the new job.

Should I just tell him to get as much OT as possible?

**kita** · 11-05-2010, 11:51 PM

Yes, Yes.
It looks very good to employers. And look at the numbers. Almost nothing is worse than not knowing.

**mslolsalot** · 11-06-2010, 10:30 AM

Aww

It may not be as bad as you're imagining. They're just numbers. You have a plan to manage it. Avoidance makes you feel like a victim, not like you're in control.

I agree with kita, saying no to OT and whatnot may look bad. He should find a balance and do some extra- but not exhaust himself.

Hang in there!

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-06-2010, 10:40 AM

Yes do that over time. My husband got extra points on his evaluation for that. His raised is based on score, so by doing over time he also gets a better raise.

**Darlene** · 11-06-2010, 10:46 AM

Time to put on the big girl underpants (don't know why but I like that phrase) and take a look see. It is what it is and you and hubby both know how things stand so keep talking and encouraging one another. It'll be OK.
Nice to have the choice of OT. You may not see each other as much as you'd like but remember it's for a short period of time and you'll be better off financially for biting the bullet and just doing it.

**AmyBoz** · 11-06-2010, 11:10 AM

Take the overtime and open your eyes and look at the bank account. You need to know and to communicate over it. The overtime is only going to help in the end and it's short term. He should go for it.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-06-2010, 11:46 AM

He usually gets a lot of OT throughout the entire summer. Now that he's with this other warehouse, the OT extends through the holiday season and ends around February. He texted me last night at 1:45am about it because he'd fallen asleep during the Oilers game and this is what he's told me:

1) "Fell asleep during the hockey game. Will talk to you later about it."

2) "I just asked the payroll chick in TO to add the 1000 dollars in incidental as per my contract."

3) "I also think I have a lot of OT coming from last week."

The incidental he's talking about is from when he signed a contract with them for the next three years or more. They stated that along with moving expenses, they'd pay $1000 in incidental expenses to him. The OT he's talking about from last week is from when he spent the week cleaning out the warehouse and such.

We're gonna talk some more about the OT he could potentially be getting. I know he'd rather be at home, but with his expenses from work, I'd rather that we stayed afloat and he came home every two weeks.

**Luckybustert** · 11-06-2010, 12:01 PM

Ignoring it won't change it or make it go away -- better to dig in and manage the situation. The OT sounds nice.

**prudent lass** · 11-06-2010, 12:04 PM

My mom was in kind of the same position as you when I was a kid. My dad worked overseas much of the year and my mom took care of us kids back here in Canada. I remember my mom being majorly stressed about finances during that time. She and my dad weren't on the same page at all. He thought he was living hand-to-mouth, but she kept getting these crazy Visa bills. Distance definitely makes budgeting harder. However, I say your position's only "kind of" like my mom's because the fact that you guys have a budget and are keeping each other updated on financial specifics puts you miles ahead of my parents. Kudos to you.

Bite the bullet and look at all your accounts and balances. It might be that you have nothing to worry about. If things actually are discrepant, at least you're catching it early and it gives you a chance to talk about how to tweak things. Generally speaking, your uncertainty might be a sign that you need more frequent and/or specific updates re: spending right now. Since this is a new working arrangement, it's hard to estimate expenses and such. For now, it might be a good idea to keep each other posted on every little micro-event.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-06-2010, 01:11 PM

I called him this morning (thank God for having Google Voice or else this would make communcation that much harder) and we talked for about 10 minutes about things. His mom's been sending him lunch so lunch has been taken care of. He's not really eating a whole lot because he's been so busy, so I told him he had to eat. He told me that he hasn't spent money on either gas or lunch since he's been there. I got the account access number for the Scotiabank account he used for gas, plus I told him I needed him to modify the budget for me so that I can add in new accounts to it whenever he's not around.

We talked about the OT and he said it's there. I asked him if he'd have a problem with taking OT instead of banked time and he told me that they really don't offer banked time in Edmonton, so OT it is. I then said that it might be good because after that $1k is gone, the OT will help us out for things like Christmas and saving up for the apartment when we sell the house.

He said to make sure that I have enough money for myself to last until Thursday and that's not a problem. I've only spent the $20 in the last week. I have snow boots to buy soon for DS7 but that's an expense that I planned for a long time ago.

It definitely feels good to talk about this stuff. I don't feel so stressed out, but I'm still stressed.

**prudent lass** · 11-07-2010, 07:17 AM

Sounds like you guys are totally on track! The stress should go once you actually see the new budget working.

**littleplum** · 11-07-2010, 09:10 AM

It's obviously too late for this trip, but I have a suggestion for the next one. Set a budget, and have him take that much in cash to spend while he's gone. That way, he can't oops and overdraw the checking account with side trips to Walmart.

This is what we do for me, because I am the spender and DH is the tightwad and gets mad if I have an "accident" at the craft store. lol

**Nishu** · 11-07-2010, 10:00 AM

Is he coming home on the weekends? Honestly, I wouldn't encourage him to take any overtime that might interfere with his time with family. If he lives there from Monday to Friday, I'd agree with OT only from Monday to Thursday.

I've done quite a few deployments and I've also done separations for things like school, when he wasn't deployed he just wasn't with us. Honestly, those separations are a hundred times more difficult. It's harder to have him live another life without us while he's hours away than it is to have him working and deployed while gone. I don't know why exactly, but the difficulty of geobaching is notorious among our small community at least. Geobaching is a marriage killer and it's very hard on the kids.

Even if you're sure your marriage can handle it and your husband and kids will be fine, I hope you keep it what I said in mind so that you can be ready to deal and call him home if weekend overtime takes too much of a toll. Money is nice, but having peace and sanity in the home is even nicer.

**nessarowdy** · 11-07-2010, 10:09 AM

I used to be just like you and afraid to check my bank account. Now it's the first thing I do in the morning with my coffee. It gives me an idea where we are at for the day.

My dh left October 1st to work in a city 3.5 hours away from us, so he comes home on the weekends, too. Our budget that I had in place was essentially blown to bits with the addition of a $500 apartment rental and $250 extra in gas. We are making it work, though, by facing it head on.

One thing that I have been doing for him is freezing all of our casserole leftovers in containers, and then loading up his cooler when he comes home. It saves on our food budget, and he LOVES it because he says it's a little piece of home during the week.

I say DEFINITELY go for the OT. Having money stresses makes the separation 100 times more difficult. PM me if you ever need to chat, I'm in your shoes and know what you are going thru!

Take care,
Vanessa

**Thevail** · 11-08-2010, 01:35 PM

It sounds like you guys are doing great! Congrats!

I get scared to look at the finances sometimes, and that's my number one clue that I NEED to sit down and crunch all those numbers ASAP.

I found that not knowing made me feel like a little kid under the blankets in the dark. You're just sure that there's something horrible under the bed.
Turning the lights on makes it all better really quick.

I'm sure that having him gone so much probably makes the insecurities a lot worse, and I'm so sorry. It's gotta be tough to handle the financial strain and the emotional strain at the same time.