I think my ex husband is heading for financial trouble.

**frugal is fun** · 11-25-2010, 06:45 PM

My ex husband and I are still very much a family with our son, there’s just no longer a marriage.

When we divorced two years ago, he kept the house, paid me about a 1/3 of my half and refinanced my “payout” in with the new mortgage along with his new Harley. (Obviously he didn’t talk to me before doing it). So his mortgage went up, a lot. I don’t’ know exactly how much but I’m guessing its now close to $2,000 a month range.

Until recently he didn’t buy anything. Minimal purchases, basically just day to day living, nothing “big”. In the Fall he just bought a $4,000 “classic car” for cash which I think came close to wiping out his savings account. He also bought a “big” TV. I think he paid around $400-$500, which he has on a zero interest for 12 months credit. He just bought our son a Wii $200 on credit for Christmas and he’s talking about going to Best Buy tomorrow and buying a laptop.

He said something today about a frugal tip about how to save money …before he could finish I said yeah, you can stop spending money. He looked at me and laughed but I don’t think he took my hint.

So anyway…I think I need to butt my nose in and say don’t buy the computer until you have your stuff paid off.

Thoughts?

**Debbie-cat** · 11-25-2010, 07:16 PM

Well it is great you still have such a great relationship especially for your son. I would sit down and talk to him and explain how you are concerned that you feel he is spending outside his financial comfort zone. See what he says and go from there. If he doesn't sound concerned and you have expressed your opinion, there is not much else you can do. Hopefully he will listen. I wish you and him the best!

**Russ** · 11-25-2010, 07:22 PM

I think he's a big boy and he *should* know how to take care of his finances.

Why do you feel you need to butt in?

**frugal is fun** · 11-25-2010, 07:30 PM

I'm not sure. this is just out of character for him I guess. Its freaking me out to tell you the truth. I'm not worried about me, his finances have no impact on me but they may have an impact on our son. And I'm not talking about child support. I feel he is totally over extended with the house now and I'm just scared for him. I know its early on but this could be the beginning of a disaster if he doesn't catch himself soon.

Now that I actually typed that out maybe I'm over reacting. I'm just glad its not my debt with little savings.

**monkeywrangler71** · 11-25-2010, 08:10 PM

If you are friends and you are concerned about him, you can tell him he's acting out of character and ask if there is anything wrong. But it's not really your place to tell him how to spend his money.

**Nishu** · 11-25-2010, 09:05 PM

I could think of about 5 people off the top of my head that make me worry like this. I don't think there's really anything that you can do aside from wait for them to ask for advice or to tell you what's happening. It almost never ends well if you bring it up when people don't want to talk about it, you know?

**Greebo** · 11-26-2010, 05:11 AM

Unless you think your son's well being is in actual jeopardy - and can back it up with evidence - keep your nose out of your EX husband's business.

Your concern with his money is limited to your Son. End of story.

**alotofgooddeals** · 11-26-2010, 09:07 AM

you said he was your ex...it's time for him to figure things out...He wants to buy a laptop... that is his choice... its also his choice to not be able to pay for it to.. I think its great that you have a close relationship with him because of your son....but it's time for him to make these choices on his own....

Originally Posted by frugal is fun

My ex husband and I are still very much a family with our son, there’s just no longer a marriage.

When we divorced two years ago, he kept the house, paid me about a 1/3 of my half and refinanced my “payout” in with the new mortgage along with his new Harley. (Obviously he didn’t talk to me before doing it). So his mortgage went up, a lot. I don’t’ know exactly how much but I’m guessing its now close to $2,000 a month range.

Until recently he didn’t buy anything. Minimal purchases, basically just day to day living, nothing “big”. In the Fall he just bought a $4,000 “classic car” for cash which I think came close to wiping out his savings account. He also bought a “big” TV. I think he paid around $400-$500, which he has on a zero interest for 12 months credit. He just bought our son a Wii $200 on credit for Christmas and he’s talking about going to Best Buy tomorrow and buying a laptop.

He said something today about a frugal tip about how to save money …before he could finish I said yeah, you can stop spending money. He looked at me and laughed but I don’t think he took my hint.

So anyway…I think I need to butt my nose in and say don’t buy the computer until you have your stuff paid off.

Thoughts?

**frugal is fun** · 11-26-2010, 11:29 AM

well he called me this morning and he bought the laptop. I told him I was scared for him and yeah, you guessed right, I got an ear full.

O well, I said my peace without lecturing.

He said he needs to live life too and that he's behind the times. Now it makes sense to me. He's still bitter from the divorce. The way he see's it is that if I didn't leave him he'd have all of these "things" without having to worry about the money.

I'm done, I'm not going to further interfere.

**Nishu** · 11-26-2010, 11:37 AM

Ah, I get it. His rationale is silly but I see where he's coming from. Divorce is crazy expensive, even when it's civil. If a person sees their hardship as a product of their divorce, then the blame is put on the person who initiated it.

I think my dad carried that feeling around with him for a long time. He didn't go around spending money but I know he felt it. An old friend of mine expressed the same attitude toward her exhusband after they separated.

It sucks, but it's nothing you can fix.

**jas** · 11-26-2010, 12:35 PM

You see it a lot with one parent or both buying the kids everything after a divorce trying to make up for whatever they think the child is missing with the family situation in turmoil.

**frugal is fun** · 11-26-2010, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by jas

You see it a lot with one parent or both buying the kids everything after a divorce trying to make up for whatever they think the child is missing with the family situation in turmoil.

Well I'm definitely NOT that parent! LOL!

And the family situation is in anything but turmoil. I think our family is better off than alot of "traditional" families that I know.

**Imarachne** · 11-26-2010, 01:41 PM

Sometimes people that are mildly depressed will use "things" as a comfort tool. He may be mildly depressed.

**druthb00** · 11-26-2010, 04:36 PM

Or...midlife crisis perhaps? Look at it this way, it could have been a Viper....(I have a friend whose dad did that around the time he turned 45....)

I know, not helping...sorry lol.... but, like everyone else said, he's an ex husband. You'd have a much bigger problem if he was a current husband. Hopefully he gets whatever "this" is, out of his system soon, before he does end up in trouble.