messed up so bad!! im in tears!

**sahm2boys** · 12-06-2010, 08:10 PM

i do my mil bills..she gets her ssi check and i pay the bills...well a few months ago it was one month she wanted me to do it the next she didnt and the bills got messed up..so then i took them over again and i have been trying to pay down her past due mortgages payments..1st and 2nd...

well i sent out a check for 1/2 of the total owed on the 2nd mortgage nov 5..$350.00...i thought it cleared could have sworn it cleared...money has been in the bank...but i also have my husband scrambling to add money to the account since he lost his job oct. we did the unemployment and the assistance and i have been consumed with that paperwork and mess...plus the holiday, then my son was sick..i have also been having puppies picked up that were for sale and payment from them..so money is back n forth in the account..to make ends meet..

usually her money goes in a separate bank but the bank stopped taking her check because she wasnt there to deposit it with me..she cant leave the house...so it went in to our joint account then i pay everything right away...

well today a check came back from the second mortgage saying it was cleared because i didnt right the acct number..crap!..no its like wheres the $350.00..its been spent..it blended in with the rest..my husband doesnt understand and i explained i always look at the available balance and that i thought it cleared already..

i have some money in the account plus her ssi clears in the morning

now she was already late from HER previous screw up..and she has a pay in 30 days/foreclosure letter dated nov...i have till the 18th to pay it
i plan on paying the amount due in the morning(balance on the letter) $655.00 but then she has the december payment 218.00..i can pay half for her..plus ill be adding to the utilites some..to cover everything...i think all will be fine but i am so mad at myself, and my husband just doesnt understand how i misplaced 350.00...but like i said it just blended..we both use the card, we both make deposits, we both christmas shopped...ugh!!!

so ill pay her 1st mort, the total due on the second mortgage plus half of the december payment - tomorrow..then her water, cable and electric too which will come out of what i have left from puppy money i was saving to help us through the month..im sure we will be ok and i hope that i am doing everything right on her bills i never had a mortgage before..

after all this..i am through i just cant do this for her..i thought i could but i have my own worries and bills and i just cant do it for her..she has 5 kids that should be helping..she never liked me anyways...i was being nice for my husband

**Missourimom** · 12-06-2010, 08:26 PM

Hugs. Mistakes happen and you had a lot going on. I would personally hand over all the bills to your husband and let him take care of his mother's bills.

**Nishu** · 12-06-2010, 08:52 PM

I'm so sorry. Mistakes happen. I usually keep excellent track of my bank account but maybe once every year or two I'll screw up big and bounce a check or something. Last time it happened my husband was pretty upset, he had a right to be upset but you know what? He was more than welcome at any time to take over handling the money and I told him his as much. Having to deal with your MIL's finances is a lot to put on alone.

Personally, I can't handle having two people spend out of the same account. He gets a cash allowance and we talk about anything else that is spent. It's just too hard to keep track of!

**bonnotsm9** · 12-06-2010, 09:12 PM

It sounds like you've had a lot to handle at the moment. That kind of mistake is understandable. Maybe your husband could explain the situation to his siblings and they could come up with the money she needs for the mortgage. You and your dh will repay the $350 that was accidentally spent but that you don't have it the moment. (Maybe he could speculate who MIL should live with if her home is foreclosed...)

**sahm2boys** · 12-06-2010, 09:20 PM

thanks everyone
i just cant stop beating my self up over this i really messed up this time..i guess i should be relieved that it can be paid and fixed...

the other kids have nothing to do with her..she hasnt been the best person or mother..to any of them..and me being the softie tried to help out..but i think its just too much responsibility..i dont know what i would do if I was the reason she lost her home or something..and there is no way she could live with us..lol and sadly no of the others want her either..but she did that to her self...

i dont know if i can bear telling everyone i messed up...i will tell her..and let her know its fixed

**mauimagic** · 12-06-2010, 09:34 PM

Am so sorry this happened - and that it's involving your MIL. Please try to deal with factsa as much as possible - you made a mistake, you're fixing it.......

....and even more important - you won't be handling her finances any more and let her other children step up to the plate.

**Greebo** · 12-07-2010, 07:13 AM

I'm sorry this happened - but beating yourself up over it isn't gonna fix anything.

What *WILL* fix it is you MUST STOP USING THE AVAILABLE BALANCE AS A REFERENCE.

You must maintain your OWN record of every expense - write down *everything* yourself - maintain your OWN running total. You CANNOT trust the bank's number if you don't have your own list.

**pop goes the weasel** · 12-07-2010, 07:46 AM

Trying to manage one account is hard enough. Can't even fathom trying g more.Oh and don't feel alone... I learned the hard way not to trust the so called available balance thing. It isn't always right. I always call the bank and verify before I write out any big checks.

**Virginia Gentleman** · 12-07-2010, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by pop goes the weasel

Trying to manage one account is hard enough. Can't even fathom trying g more.Oh and don't feel alone... I learned the hard way not to trust the so called available balance thing. It isn't always right. I always call the bank and verify before I write out any big checks.

I'm with Greebo on this. The bank doesn't KNOW how much money you actually have available. All they know is what is still sitting in your account, but that doesn't include any checks you've already written that haven't yet cleared. If you don't keep your checkbook balanced yourself, eventually you're bound to get burned, and calling the bank beforehand wont' help.

**nodmicks** · 12-07-2010, 09:09 AM

Big hugs! Your only human. I think it is hard enough maintaining my account let alone MIL"S

**littleplum** · 12-07-2010, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Virginia Gentleman

I'm with Greebo on this. The bank doesn't KNOW how much money you actually have available. All they know is what is still sitting in your account, but that doesn't include any checks you've already written that haven't yet cleared. If you don't keep your checkbook balanced yourself, eventually you're bound to get burned, and calling the bank beforehand wont' help.

Exactly. Registers are available for free from most banks. I'd suggest you pick up a few and start using them.

Personally, I like to keep an electronic register. Until this year I used MSMoney, but now we've started using Quicken. I'm still getting used to it after almost 12 months. But, it helps a whole lot with accidental over drafts. We haven't had one in years.

Try to get your MIL's SSI check set up on direct deposit. That will solve the mixed money problem.

**khaski** · 12-07-2010, 07:08 PM

I think it speaks of your big heart to try to help her, even if it didn't go smoothly! You're only human, cut yourself some slack, what's done is done, and I hope you'll remember your heart was in the right place and you did what you could, even if it didn't turn out as expected.

**shoiji** · 12-07-2010, 07:17 PM

I am pretty sure you can have SSI checks directly deposited in a bank account. I would look into that. That way you do not need to worry about checks clearing. Also, if the check is scheduled to be deposited on the 2nd of each month, if the 2nd of the month falls on a Saturday, Sunday, or holiday, it will post earlier. All bank accounts should be accessible online. That is another way that may help you keep track of everything.

So it is the holidays which adds to even more stress. If you need to go to the bank with all your information. They can also look up the account and help you figure out what is going on. Mistakes happen and if you are upfront with whoever you are dealing with and can rectify it the next day you should not be subject to any penalty or atleast a small sum.

**HappyMama** · 12-07-2010, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Virginia Gentleman

I'm with Greebo on this. The bank doesn't KNOW how much money you actually have available. All they know is what is still sitting in your account, but that doesn't include any checks you've already written that haven't yet cleared. If you don't keep your checkbook balanced yourself, eventually you're bound to get burned, and calling the bank beforehand wont' help.

I agree with Virgina Gentleman and Greebo,! Get a notebook , keep all your receipts , records and keep track of every expense, every debt amount , checks written and reconcile it with the bank at all times. Only you and your husband can be in charge of your lives and money.

Unfortunately there is a reason for the old saying " What I can't be out of money I still have checks " To many people go by the overdraft, don't know what they have spent, don't know how to balance a check book or how they got into debt strange method of living. Don't be in that crowd.

You made a mistake, and can fix it, just be in charge of your life and finances from now on. Have someone else in the family be in charge of his mothers ,you have enough on your plate right now. Sorry this happened to you, keep your chin up , moving forward and things will get better. Blessings.

**Nana2two** · 12-07-2010, 08:24 PM

Likes others said Mistakes can happen. Thats why we only have 1 debit card. Most of the time hubby has it . Unless i need it which is maybe a few times a month. Few years ago we into the problem of having 2 cards and foregtting to to write it down. Less stress with just 1. Hope things get better for you.