How do you talk to a "spender" spouse?

[mndtrp]

I figured it was either a bribe or a peace offering. Kind of like offering me a beer, before having me shovel a few yards of topsoil.

Then it just got me hungry for a salad and breadsticks.

[miss_cas]

How much of your paycheck is your husband expecting to receive to cover the household expenses? If he is not accounting for all your money, you can feel free to save what excess you have so you will be able to cover short-falls and emergencies. Some spouses will notice this and make some changes to their own habits as they like being able to cover an emergency without running short on the money to cover the rest of the household bills.

This has to be a frustrating situation.

My suggestion from the start is to keep your own accounts separately. Agree on how much each is expected to contribute to the household expenses. You can see things more positively if you have a spouse who doesn't mind adding $50-100 monthly to place in an emergency repairs fund. For a while, keep your own tastes simple and just save your excess. Don't even comment on what your spouse is spending unless it's going to be a storage space issue, require a loan on something or cause him/her to be short on their portion of the bills. (I bet you would have noticed the seriously overextended behavior prior to marriage.) Be ready to cover a few emergencies with your own emergency fund and sit back. See if your spouse shows any interest in changing his own spending habits and/or contributing to your emergency fund.