Separate Checking Accounts

**frugalwarrior2** · 05-22-2011, 08:13 AM

Unless you have a prenup it's all academic anyway but if it makes you feel better I would. We combines our finances and I have always handled them. It was clear to us immediately I could manage and he was better at making it.
Also it seemed like a logistical nightmare moving things around.
I have kept seperate funds in a savings acct. but usually for a purchase or xmas.
No offense but are you sure your ready to do this?

**beks37** · 05-22-2011, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by frugalwarrior2

Unless you have a prenup it's all academic anyway but if it makes you feel better I would. We combines our finances and I have always handled them. It was clear to us immediately I could manage and he was better at making it.
Also it seemed like a logistical nightmare moving things around.
I have kept seperate funds in a savings acct. but usually for a purchase or xmas.
No offense but are you sure your ready to do this?

No offense taken. I am ready to get married, just not sure how to handle things financially though. We both make about the same gross (although not for long, I got a recent boost to 50k, he's at 44k). But our take home is drastically different due to his child support obligations ($824.30/month) for his 4 children. So, we split the expenses based on the take home pay rather than the gross. He just moved in to the house a couple of months ago and I have been paying all the house bills, plus my personal bills. He has been paying for groceries and other things. I figure as long as he contributes to the household expenses and I'm able to live like I want then it's all good.

Besides the house and car, I have no other debts. I don't even own a credit card anymore. When I was married before, I spent 5 years helping the ex pay off his 25k consolidation loan and then started helping on this 55k student loans. I am so glad I don't have to help with those anymore. I just want to be able to use my money for me and not help anyone pay their debts. My df and I have talked about this aspect of it and he doesn't want me to pay for any of his debts. He has a consolidation loan that he pays $258/month for and some student loans.

**Libby** · 05-22-2011, 12:02 PM

For now - I'd suggest keeping your accounts separate and track the bills and revisit this down the road once you're married. I am a fan of keeping your own bank accounts and one joint 'household' account for paying bills regardless of who makes more or has more debt. You should both contribute to the joint account as much as you can or feel comfortable with so long as its mutually agreed upon.

**ladykemma2** · 05-22-2011, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by beks37

I am a saver and most of the money that I have saved up is from me directly. I was married before and when that ended up in divorce, the savings account was split in half and I felt jilted because the money in savings was directly attributed to me. I have quite a bit saved up now and want to keep that money mine. Also, I have the house and a car that is mine.

We have discussed finance and money....I just wanted to see how others handled the separate checking aspects of things.

it seesm you are confused about a pre-nuptual agreement? put everything you are coming to the table in a separate account and have joint accounts for post married life.

**Telephus44** · 05-23-2011, 10:39 AM

Whenever this comes up, I always think of this.

My inlaws have everything in both names, everything in joint, all in one pot, etc. They have been married for 40 years this year.

My parents have everything separate except the mortgage (yes, even the cars, credit card cards, everything). Guess what? Right now they are happily planning an huge anniversary party for their 40th anniversary.

So seriously - don't worry when people tell you that you don't have a good foundation for your marraige just because you don't manage your money the "right way" (whatever that is!)

Also - for me personally, money and relationships change over time. My DH and I have always done his, hers, and ours. When we first got together, the joint account only covered bare living expenses and was split 50/50 (eg "we both need to put $1000 into joint this month to cover the bills") even though he made twice what I made. Over the years, things moved gradually. I paid off my car, he paid off his car, but by the time we had to buy a car together, we decided to make that out of joint. We originally each paid for our own cell phones, but after we were married a few years we changed plans and decided to pay it out of joint. I paid my own student loans, and he paid his own credit card debt. So I understand your DF wanting to pay his own child support.

My real point is that you don't have to go out the day after you get married and merge everything that day. It's something that evolves over time. And if you want to keep it separate, the best thing IMO is to divide up the bills. For my parents, my mom pays the mortgage, my dad pay the electric and groceries (and other stuff too, I'm sure). So designate some bills as your and some as his.

**moasmom** · 05-23-2011, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

I originally thought it was appalling when couples had separate finances. We joined our accounts immediately and that was that for years.
However after 12 yrs of joint accounts I know realize the value of separate checking accounts and that it's not always about trust or hiding money.

Yeah, I have always run into a lot of negative judgements about having separate accounts, as if that fact alone means that I can't have a successful marriage. Okaaaaay.

Now, it's true that finances and the handling of them can make or break marriages, but that goes way deeper than separate or joint checking accounts.

You have a different situation here (second marriage, lots of assets), so I think you should considering seeing a financial advisor about how to proceed.

Best wishes!

Kara