Separate Checking Accounts

[beks37]

I want to hear from people who are married or living with a significant other that have separate checking accounts. I am considering keeping the accounts separate for now and maybe later on down the road getting a joint account.

I want to hear how couples are handling the expenses.

I am getting married in late September and am not wanting to set up joint accounts just because I am bringing a lot more to the table than he is.

[Kitten20]

We have separate accounts and 1 joint account linked to our separate accounts. This allows us to "share" money easily when needed for bills and stuff, but maintain personal accounts.

It works for us.

[Squidge]

Our system works really well for us. We share our money in terms of covering expenses and fun things, but we have separate accounts because it is easier to keep a track of our outgoings and savings that way.

My SO earns considerably more than myself so the cost of bills comes directly out of his account and I have a monthly standing order to his account to help cover them. We worked all of this out based on our individual salaries and decided that household cleaning/decorative items and my personal fun money comes out of my account; I am responsible for budgeting for those items. He is responsible for managing the bills, the majority of the food (although I generally do the meal planning, I follow his budget as much as possible) and his fun money.

That said, all of the money we earn belongs to both of us. If I ever have anything left over after savings and expenses for whatever reason, I put it towards something for us to do together or towards something he needs or I put extra in the savings which belong to us both. We see it as 'our' money although it's in separate places to keep things on track.

We will be setting up a joint account that we both have access to for the rent only. We have two joint savings accounts and one which is in his name from before we met.

That might sound elaborate and I am sure we could earn more on interest if we amalgamated some of our accounts, but honestly it's much, much easier this way; neither of us feels 'micromanaged', it's easier to follow our budget and we have the freedom to be flexible with our monthly responsibilities.

[itlw8]

I am getting married in late September and am not wanting to set up joint accounts just because I am bringing a lot more to the table than he is.

I have to say this statement is worrisome. Not the fact that you want seperate accounts but it does not seem you are thinking as an US but you and me I would suggest discussing money and goals before you get married,

[beks37]

I am a saver and most of the money that I have saved up is from me directly. I was married before and when that ended up in divorce, the savings account was split in half and I felt jilted because the money in savings was directly attributed to me. I have quite a bit saved up now and want to keep that money mine. Also, I have the house and a car that is mine.

We have discussed finance and money....I just wanted to see how others handled the separate checking aspects of things.

[mndtrp]

I have to say this statement is worrisome. Not the fact that you want seperate accounts but it does not seem you are thinking as an US but you and me I would suggest discussing money and goals before you get married,

I had the same mentality, originally. I make a lot more than my wife, and I had no debt when we started dating. Even when we got married, the only debt I had was a mortgage (in my name only), while she had thousands in auto and student loans. Since I had spent 29 years of my life thinking about where "I" was financially, it took some time to transition to "Us", and realizing that we were in the same boat.

We initially decided to keep things separate, just like it was prior to getting married. About 6 months into the marriage, we assessed where we were financially, how things were going, and if there needed to be any changes. She felt strapped, due to her income and debts, plus her portion of the bills, and I could see where it was causing her a lot of grief. Plus, her bills were occasionally paid late, or she was forgetting things, which was just increasing the amount she owed. I'm fairly meticulous when it comes to paying bills, and it's easy for me to keep a semi-accurate tab of the finances in my head. We then added her to my accounts, got rid of hers, and just started pooling things together.

We used Mint.com to set up budgets, the visual aspect being the most beneficial for her. I printed out calendars of each month, marking when bills were due, and put them in a binder. When the statements come in, I print out the statement for the binder, and then pay the bills. She can look in the binder to see what bills are coming up, what has been paid, she can look at Mint to see where we are budget-wise, everything is getting paid, and she doesn't feel as much stress. At the end of each month, we go over all of this information, and reassess our course of action. Her (our, whatever) debt is getting paid off much quicker, I know there are no finance charges piling up, and she has less stress in her life.

tl;dr
It takes time to see what works for you. Keep an open line of communication between the two of you, and try to look at your finances as household, regardless of whether or not you use separate accounts.

[Palooka]

I know a few couples that have separate checking accounts and one joint for paying bills. They agree how much of their check and what each pays and how much percent goes in. Their own checking is for them to use however they want. Works for them!

Good luck and I totally understand your thinking when it comes to second marriages. Maybe after time goes by, you may want to do it different.

[Nishu]

I am a saver and most of the money that I have saved up is from me directly. I was married before and when that ended up in divorce, the savings account was split in half and I felt jilted because the money in savings was directly attributed to me. I have quite a bit saved up now and want to keep that money mine. Also, I have the house and a car that is mine.

I doubt any of this will matter without a prenup. Dunno much about how it all works, but I really don't think that the name on the account is going to matter when it comes divorce. If that were the case, then prenups wouldn't even exist.

[greekislandgirl]

We think of all the money as "our" money but we never bothered to add each other's names to our accounts or to open a new account. We use DH's account for 100% of expenses, literally everything. My account is just for savings. The money in it hasn't been touched since the wedding. It's not JUST our emergency fund, so we will be spending the money at some point. We're moving in September and we'll need more money than is in DH's account so that will probably be the first time we touch it (I hope).

This works for us because it gives us the peace of mind that it takes a lot more effort to remove money from savings than simply taking a little extra out of the ATM. We'd actually have to use a different card so it would be a lot more "intentional".

Also I feel better knowing that we can get by on just DH's salary. We've learned to pay all our bills, handle all our expenses, and still save a little from DH's salary alone.

[acidcookie]

We are recently married and had already been living together for a few years before and kept our finances separate. My paycheck went into my account, his went into his. We just agreed who would pay what. At that time he paid mortgage/HOA fees & electricity, I paid cell phone, groceries, and put money in savings. This worked better than me paying him some money for mortgage, him paying me some for his cell line, etc. We just figured out the amounts we were each responsible for overall based on our respective salaries.

Right now I don't have a salary so he added me to his account to pay my credit card (I use my credit for all purchases for the rewards and then pay in full each month), which I pretty much still just use to pay groceries, cell phone, and any of "my" expenses, like clothes, or gas when I'm driving. But once I finish my degree and have a job we'll go back to my salary in my account and just reassessing who pays what bills. I just like the freedom of having my own account.

We do have one combined savings account, which was mine and I added him to it.

But it all doesn't really matter because I use Mint.com to track all of our spending and we put each of our checking, savings, credit card, and student loan accounts all into one account so either of us has access to each other's spending.

[Greebo]

Early on in our relationship, as cea and I were both hardly spring chickens anymore, we maintained separate accounts and had a 3rd, joint account for our common costs.

Now we have only joint accounts. There's no such thing as his and her money in our house, it's ours, and we decide where every penny goes (save our respective blow money).

[gmarie]

All of our accounts are joint, we have joint budget/goals, and we have budget meetings a few times a month so we are on the same page. He would also never make me feel guilty for making less than him.

I recently bought a much needed laptop and sent him an "off-budget purchase request" for him to approve. I meant it to be funny, but we would never dream of making a large purchase without the others full consent. (regardless of who makes more money).

[grneyegrl]

i think u should get a prenup..just for the house or other assets that u r bring t o the marriage..in N.J. after a period of time( not sure how long) but assets brought into the marriage become joint property..which i feel is wrong.. only what is earned during the marriage should be joint..

that being said....if u remain married for 30 years its not gonna matter a whole log..also the fact that u r planning ahead is good and it will help insure that your marriage lasts

[ansley]

I had separate in my first marriage because he was blowing all the money and bills were not getting paid. We \ the bills =. I finally left when I found out he got a cc in my name and wasn't paying the bill. He got the mail and would trash the bill. I had no idea until I started getting calls at work.

This time I have one account for child support that dh isn't on. He set up a savings account with only my name. He didn't mean to and we haven't gotten around to fixing it. He set it up a few months ago for sinking funds. I put the money in there but think of it as ours because him helping with bills is what frees up that money to save.

[Dancing Lotus]

I originally thought it was appalling when couples had separate finances. We joined our accounts immediately and that was that for years.
However after 12 yrs of joint accounts I know realize the value of separate checking accounts and that it's not always about trust or hiding money. We now have several accounts , his, mine and ours. The majority of the money goes into the joint account . But we each have an allowance that goes into our own.It works beautifully.