Baby's first birthday -- Startin College Fund

[Preston]

I have an idea but I want to get some opinions before I commit to it.

We have our son's first birthday coming up in the beginning of February. He's the only grandchild on both sides (as of now) and he got spoiled on Christmas and has more toys than he needs.

Our gift to him is we are starting his college fund, and we're having a party with family and close friends. Some of them won't listen, but I was considering on the invitations to the party mentioning that we're not asking for gifts, but if they feel obliged I will put out a jar if anyone wants to put any money toward his college fund. I'm also considering matching what ends up in the jar.

Along with this I'm going to have a card for people to sign which we won't give to him until his 18th birthday. I think that could be a good gift and I am certain that some of the people that will be here for this will not be around then (his only great-grandparent is in her 90's).

I just want to know if this is a good/bad idea and if it is rude to ask like this and if my method is pretty reasonable. I want to get working on it ASAP, even though I haven't decided on my course of action with the money yet (most likely 529 plan.)

[Momto5RN]

as long as its a suggestion and not an only gift wanted idea i think its good . you may end up with a few who do a little towards both . i might word it carefully as not to offend KWIM.

i would make sure the jar is not clear ( put a cover of sorts over it ) so nosey people cant try to see what others donated ( theres always one out there LOL )and is in a side table to its not vary obvious who is using it so that again aunt nosey wont be staring watching who is going up to it ,

[McD]

I think it is rude and I wouldn't do it.

If anyone asks for present ideas, then you could say, 'He's all set for toys/clothes/etc. but the wife and I have thought about starting a 529 plan if you'd like to contribute that way.'

People will still do whatever they want.

[OOwl]

I think that's a wonderful idea! I especially like the notes from the grandparents on the card that he won't get until he's 18. What a sweet sentiment and I hope you won't mind if I borrow that. My kids are grown now, but if/when I ever get a grandchild, I would love to be able to do that. May it be a memorable party.

[celina]

this is what i do as a guest...usually for christenings..is a buy baby's first piggy bank...not too babyish and large...and i make sure to put coins in it...usually alot of others put some in as well...in my family....i don't know how it would go over....personally i would be fine with that...have you talked to your parents and asked them their opinion?...good luck

[monkeywrangler71]

I think it's rude. I might tell grandparents that my kid has a college fund in case they want to contribute but I would never dream of putting a tip jar out at a party and suggesting friends drop in a donation. IMO asking other people to pay for my children's education is no different than asking them to pay my utility bill.

If someone wants to give you money they'll put it in a card. A jar will make people feel pressured and guilty. I'd be really uncomfortable and offended at a party like that.

Eta: The card idea is really nice.

[khaski]

I'm not a fan of the jar idea either...in my experience, some family members naturallys gravitate towards gifts of savings bonds etc, and some preger the fun of picking out a toy. If I went to a party with a 'collection jar' out, I would feel very weird about it! It just seems kind of 'pushy' to me somehow.

[Lady_V]

Okay, speaking frankly here....
it's a birthday party, not a bar... skip the "jar".

When asked by others what they should give her, I tell them they don't have to give her anything but if they wanted to get her something, she enjoys art. Her grandparents know I have the account for her, as do the close family and friends. If they want to give her money, they know that half goes in to her savings.

I wouldn't put it in the invitation that you are starting a college fund. If you talk to them before hand, you may want to mention that you are starting a fund... in passing. The choice is theirs what to give. What you do with what is given is up to you.

[Natalia]

I absolutely would not do the jar. Tacky, pushy, and awkward.

The furthest i would go with it is like McD said, if someone ASKS fr gift uggestions, you might mention the resp idea and that any money recd would go right into his college education fund.

I would not put money requests in the invitation.

I tried a similar suggestion when my oldest was little.. When asked what to get him. Bottom line, no one gave money. They did what they wanted. And the response to the suggestion felt cold nd uncomfortable.

[frugalwarrior2]

First,I can't believe your Ds is a year already! happy birthday.
And yes No on the jar,but super idea on the card! We did Upromise w/ the division of stocks. I have pulled out now because the kids are in college and the fund reflected the economy UNfortunately. But congrats on being able to start one at all in this downturn.

[Libby]

I really like the idea of the 'college fund jar'. Except I think its more of a 'have it on the kitchen counter' type thing (not see through either) and use it to collect your spare change or all your quarters or $1 bills (if you're able & willing). Should others see it and wish to add, thats their prerogative. You didn't ask them to contribute so its not tacky.

I agree, people will do what they want to do or can afford to do. But if you feel that your lil one has more then enough toys, books, clothes and things...spread the word verbally especially when others ask what they/you might need/want. Just ask them for their company

And I LOVE the card idea....if possible, try to go one step further and take pics of everyone signing or a group shot to include with card. Some people may not be around then and it'd be nice to be able to put a face with the names.

[Natalia]

Good thinking, Libby.
The only way the jar would work is not having it clear, having it on a counter or something, clearly marked , like Juniors College Fund, nd not mentioning it or drawing attention to it in any way. That way, people can contribute or not if they happen to notice it. But for the sake of a buck ir two, i really wouldnt bother ( no one will come empty handed and then load up the jar with serious $)..
I also ouldnt even have the jar in sight if you choose to casually mention the resp, as bringing it to their ttention more than once would come off as pushy, imo.

[wanderlusting]

I think it's rude to put gift expectations or suggestions in an invitation (sort of like putting a registry card inside).

However, if people ask, I'd have no issues giving them ideas.

That card idea is awesome!

ETA: Personally, if I were attending a party, I'd still get a toy as a gift. It's the child's party and I'm going to bring something that the child will want to play with. It's not my job to pay towards someone's college

[Dutchie]

First,I can't believe your Ds is a year already! happy birthday.
And yes No on the jar,but super idea on the card!

1 year already - how times flies.

I completely agree with FW2 here.

What a wonderful idea with the card - wish I had done it and I will also 'borrow' this idea if any grandchildren come along (won't hold my breath though).

We did something similar with our kids.

When our 1st son was born we actually received a bank account from hubby's work (I worked there too at that time) with money in it - around $30 which was a lot of money to receive for a gift 30 years ago.

We used this account for any 'donations' up till his 18th birthday.

When it was his 1st birthday - just like your son - our son was swimming in everything he needed and I very politely asked both sets of grandparents if they would mind just giving him a very small toy and putting the rest of anything they wanted to give him into his account. Both our parents were (and still are) extremely practical people and were delighted with our proposal.

When our 2nd, 3rd and 4th sons were born we started an account as soon as the son was born and the grandparents actually didn't give any gifts at all when they were born but - without asking - gave money for the respective accounts. They also continued this tradition for a few years - also at Christmas.

Believe me those kids were more than delighted when they received the very substantial bank accounts when they were 18.

On a foot note, our fifth child was a daughter (only granddaughter on one side) and all agreements went out the window.
That child was spoiled rotten from the moment she was born (and still is according to her brothers LOL).

Don't worry though - she also received a nice bank account when she was 18 but that had more to do with us than anyone else.

I think diplomacy is the answer here - also maybe only asking the people you know would be open to the suggestion.
Personally I think the gift of education is a wonderful idea.

Good luck Preston - I would love to hear what you decide to do.

[nodmicks]

I really liked Libby's idea. That lets it be known you are saving for it without any chance of coming off as tacky.

I think the card idea is so clever and will mean so much down the line to your child.