Thinking of taking in a boarder...

**peanut** · 01-23-2012, 12:06 AM

We've done this before. We've taken in ESL students. Twice it has backfired on us. Not sure if we want to try a third time. The first time a man came and his wife lived elsewhere. It lasted all of three weeks and he was gone.

The second time was a young lady who was supposed to stay just for one semester of university and stayed for two. She turned out to have some pretty severe mental health issues about once a month, iykwim. But we were not told of her issues ahead of time. She refused to take Western medicine for her problems and was literally paranoid for a week out of every month. Which didn't help my mental health situation any. Things were quite frosty by the time she left. We couldn't handle her blowing hot and cold with us all the time...depending how her paranoia took her.

So...this current one is asking through a friend. I don't know what to say. Our basement shower is wrecked and needs to be replaced. Our basement bath tiles are coming off the floor. There is work to be done there.

BUT the extra income would be nice...the $500/mth. could go a long ways for us. I don't know...

DH is not taking this too seriously. I don't think he wants another boarder. Yet this young lady is quite shy and retiring. I don't think she would be a hardship like the other was. But maybe that's just me.

Still, lots of money to fix up the basement bath first...

Anyone with any 'been there done that' experience? Any advice how to make this decision?

She would have to share our kitchen, but have a basement bedroom/bath of her own. The rest of the basement would have to be shared.

**mauimagic** · 01-23-2012, 12:34 AM

I know the $$s would be nice - but with everything that goes on in your lives do you really want to have someone else's energy in your home. As much as I have loved those who have lived with us for a time, it really was a challenge overall. That said, you can make it work if you need/want to. Looking forward to hearing what you decide and how!!

**Natalia** · 01-23-2012, 08:04 AM

I think taking in a boarder is kind of like marrying for money- you earn every penny! Lol

Maui is right, if you need the $$, you could make it work.but if you don't need it, its going to be a loooong month.

Fwiw, bil and sil took in several ESL students nd t was nothing but problems. One kid her parents dragged her out because they found out bil and sil were shacked up (at that time, they werent married).. Another one ruined a $400 brand new paderno skillet. The last one had lots of problematic food restrictions.
You earn every dollar. Just make sure youve not gone on impulse and it will be okay

Maui- i took my family to oahu and maui and it was the best trip ive ever had! Dreaming to get back there but its a long flt out of atlantic Canada so waiting til the kids are a bit older. I loved it so much my email addy is waikiki! Lol you're a lucky lady!

**greekislandgirl** · 01-23-2012, 08:57 AM

We haven't done this but it has crossed our minds. We have a room that we use as an office, which is technically a bedroom. But I just don't think it would feel like "our" home anymore - we are a family and this is a family home. From a financial perspective it would really help us too but then I worry about theft or damage or legal liability.... Good luck with your decision. Whether you take in a boarder or not, getting the bathroom fixed up would give you the option and more flexibility in the future - so it may be something worth doing even if you don't immediately move forward with a boarder. Just a thought.

**Ponderer** · 01-23-2012, 10:07 AM

Considering you would have to fix some stuff up first, which always costs money, you need to consider the pros and cons. If she does not work out you are going to be even more gun shy then previously so you have to decide if the risk is worth it, since it is going to cost you to get the place ready for her.

I would probably be more inclined to go for it if everything was up to par and ready to go.

**Russ** · 01-23-2012, 10:25 AM

Hehehe When I first read that I thought it said "hoarder".

**frugal.lass** · 01-23-2012, 11:35 AM

If the basement was ready to go and you didn't have to make any improvements, I would say go for it. As it is, having to pay to get the basement ready for a situation that may only work for a month or two...that doesn't seem worthwhile.

I have a boarder/roommate living with me and it works out fine but I've heard lots of horror stories like yours so I know I lucked out.

**peanut** · 01-23-2012, 12:00 PM

Russ, Now why would I take in a hoarder? I'm bad enough!

I talked it over with DH last night and he's more serious about taking her in than I thought. He says we can use the money. However, we are proceeding slowly. Next week she comes to cooking classes I'm offering the ESL students. We decided we'll pull her aside and talk to her then, or have her stay over for supper. DH has only met her once.

The point was made that the basement bath should be fixed anyways, and it's a valid one. It is our guest room bath and will need repairs. This would just move them up in our time schedule.

I suspect, though, that she has seen her friend staying at our friends' place over Christmas, and thinks all Canadian families are like theirs. We are not. So I'll have to make sure she doesn't have a Pollyanna view of our life. Our friends are extreme extroverts with lots of coming and going in their lives. We are not like that.

We need to have a talk about expectations for sure... I think she'd be cooking her own meals. That's what we did with the last young lady. She wouldn't eat our meals anyways!

**krbshappy71** · 01-23-2012, 12:50 PM

I'd say not just a talk about expectations but a rental agreement laying it all out.

I considered a roommate as my friend has one and it really worked out but I'm a really private person so decided against it. Her roommate is a flight attendant so isn't even home all the time. There are some days she has me convinced I should get a roommate and other days she comes in ranting about the person so I'll just wait. I really like my own space and privacy.

**shoiji** · 01-23-2012, 01:11 PM

Have rented a room before and luckily it did work out. Was in a home with a family. Stayed for about a year. Ended up working a part-time job while I was there and saved for a car and an apartment.

Definately set up some type of rental agreement. Find out why she wants to live with you family. State how you stand on illegal drugs and/or alcohol. Personally I would put it all out there when you speak with her. Not that you have to be grilling her but state matter of factly how you and your family lives and what you expect from a boarder. Her reactions should help you get a feel of the type of person she is.

Also, remind yourself you do not need to take her in if you feel uncomfortable. There are other places you can go to find a boarder.

**stinkbug** · 01-23-2012, 01:14 PM

We've had boarders twice before. But, actually neither of them paid. One was a friend of dd who lived here about 4 months when she lost her job and had no where to go (she was a live in nanny) and another was anew music pastor at our church who was here about 6 weeks. Neither was a problem, but both were rarely here and we hardely saw them.

**peanut** · 01-23-2012, 01:51 PM

Thanks, a rental agreement wouldn't be a bad idea. I'll talk to DH and see what we can come up with... Most of the South Korean ladies I've come up against are not even vaguely into drugs and alcohol. They are much more concerned with studying hard and earning good marks! But it doesn't hurt to set down the rule. Definitely no cigs here either, as I'm majorly allergic...and no pets.

I think I'll talk to the other couple about how they handled comings and goings. In the past we've asked them to be in by midnight because I am a light sleeper and the door opening and closing wakes me up. Not sure I can do that with someone in their late 20s though...

**bookwormpeg** · 01-23-2012, 02:39 PM

Good luck...I have a brother who comes and stays with me for four month of the year..he is here 24/7..never goes anywhere except to get coffee at 5 AM....personally it drives me batty...he just left and I was SO READY...I like my privacy.

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 01-24-2012, 12:18 PM

I would have her over for coffee first. Then later have her over for dinner with your husband. You need to see especially how you get along with her since you are home most often. She needs to understand your schedule AND you need to understand hers.

Can you fix the bath after she pays the first months rent? You said the bath needing fixing anyway, so this might just the motivation that you and your dh need to just get it done.

**peanut** · 01-24-2012, 03:28 PM

I actually see her twice a week as is, both times in a group of people. She appears quite shy because she doesn't know much English. But I saw a real competitive streak come out when the table top hockey games were pulled out last week at English Corner! I'll see her Thursday evening, and again on Sunday this week. I need to get her separated from the group though to talk to her. This week's English Corner lesson is on expressing yourself. I'm hoping it helps her with the words to talk to me and DH.

You're right about fixing the basement bath. DH is already talking about ways to afford to do that. Apparently he has extra floor tiles tucked away from over 15 years ago when we put the bath in! The big cost would be a new shower stall and plumber. The first plumber didn't do something right and we got water in the drywall every time someone had a shower down there. So it's got to be redone before installing the new shower stall.