Why am I sad?
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  1. #1
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    Default Why am I sad?

    We are viewing FPU on our own at home. Week 3 has taken us 2 weeks. It simply just took us longer than expected to fill out all those papers. We did not want to continue until they were complete.

    This week was my first trip on a reduced grocery budget. My husband put an application on my phone that allowed me to track my list, add in prices and adjust as needed. "Maybe I did not need 3 of this." OR "Oh, I forgot we needed that."

    I actually felt like crying. That would be pretty dumb since I was under budget.

    I am not sure the source of emotions. I had PLENTY of groceries for the allocated money. But it felt weird to not just go shopping without the regimented tallying. The tallying was at my request.

    One of my admissions was that being on a budget feels quite restrictive. I am sure it will feel freeing in the end. But my "fear" that I admitted is true for now. It feels like a noose.

    I did not learn budgeting while growing up.

    FPU sat in its box since I ordered it 2 years ago. I am sure things will get better. But it is funny that the whole thing was our joint idea to commit to it as our 2012 resolution, but I am emotionally feeling as though "man, why do we have to do this?" It is my inner child whining. Time to squish her.

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    Registered User Ponderer's Avatar
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    Change can cause lots of different emotions. This is something new and unfamiliar to you. As you get used to things and feel more in control I would venture to say your negative emotions will be replaced by lots of positive ones.

    Hang in there....getting started is one of toughest steps!

    Edited to add: You also have to keep in mind that we are somewhat programmed to feel like having things is what makes us complete or happy. At first when we cut out the buying we feel like we are being denied something. It is when we figure out that financial freedom is more of a happiness and security then "things" ever were...that it really starts to get good. It brings a joy and peace that I am excited for you to learn about!

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    Am not familiar with FPU but have been living on a budget for a while now. Just give yourself some time to get used to living on a budget. Once you buildup a stockpile and get familiar with sale prices and couponing you will probably feel less deprived.

    Try making a game of it. To see what you can purchase on sale with coupons and also to stockpile within budget, hopefully under budget. I still find myself saying no not this month but next month I can purchase this. Or I really do not need this and would rather stay on budget.

    When I start to feel as if I need something I will try and get myself to slow down and really take in all that I already have. It is an adjustment but in the long run you and your husband will be happier and financially sound. Who needs the headache of to much debt?

    Also try shopping in your closets or drawers. You will probably be surprised at the things you completely forgot you had.

    It is an adjustment. Just hang in there and give yourself time to adjust.

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    FPU is Financial Peace University/Dave Ramsey.

    I just began typing, but framed it as though I was in the Dave Ramsey section.

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    You are just working to break a lifetime of bad financial habits- the chnage can indeed be stressful and scary. As for a budget feeling restrictive, after you work out the kinks and get used it, you will realize it's actually very free-ing- while it might feel restrictive to have to follow limits in areas, it's actually liberating as your expenses are all covered- no more scramling to pay bills (hopefully- otherwise it's time to look to increase your income).

    You should be VERY proud of yourselves- you could have made excuses to let it sit another few years, instead you got started! Give it time- no one's good at it, no one's very confident in the first few months. It's a big adjustment, give it (and yourself) time and be proud you did one of the hardest things of all- gtaking the first step to change your financial lives for the better. -hug-


    Kill the mortgage! Goal: 12/2023 Left to go: $140,160.33 Extra paid: 2012- $4408.03 2013-$5396.21+ $400 extra towards escrow
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    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    make it a game of "let me see what i can get for this money this week" and be prod of what you have accomplished afterwards instead of "oh i hope i have enough money for what i need- what if i dont " etc and the related anxiety will fade away /
    *~Debbi~*
    Happily Married Mom to 5 ; PT Home Care RN
    Living with FMS


    “Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more;
    Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
    Swedish Proverb


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    Getting Gazelle like 7/1/10
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    purchased used car in cash 5000
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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    I agree with trying to get the best possible price and under budget for groceries. Find something small to reward yourself once in awhile with something that you like. AND my biggest advice is to look at the bigger picture DEBT FREE!!!!!! It feels wonderful and once you are debt free you will be able to buy some things w/o guilt. Good luck to you and I hope you will soon feel better about spending less to be debt free!!!!

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    Registered User mzpepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyfamily2000 View Post
    It is my inner child whining. Time to squish her.
    No, No, don't be mean to your inner child. Love her and give her big hugs!!! She will help you to appreciate the little things (as children so often do) and help you have a little fun in all this. And when she asks "WHY" say because I said so.

    I also would have to say that change is stressful. It will take some getting used to.

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    I would suggest taking your inner child on a walk through "Frugal Luxuries" by Tracy McBride, and such books. A budget may feel restrictive, but often the budget is only one side of the equation. Rethinking how we live is the other side of the equation. It's not only how cheaply can I get this or that, but also do I really need it? Or just want it? Plus it's also a question of 'do I have something else that can do the same job?' Or 'can I get the same WOW factor for less money in the long run another way?'

    I wanted original artwork on my walls...key word "Wanted". It waited for years. I also am artistic. I took community classes/art school (1 class)/workshops and made my own artwork. When I landed in a community with no art group, I started one. I was fulfilling a social need, a community need, and my artistic want.

    As we became better off, due to frugality, I bought small pieces by well known artists. Those small pieces are interspersed with my pieces. I also traded my artwork with other budding artists. I now have a really nice art collection (by my standards!). Still, I've had 30 years to work on this. It's a want, not a need, after all.

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    I can't really help you on that one. I have a grocery budget for 2 weeks at a time and i almost always am over it. I can wish you luck though.


    Could I ask what the app is that you have on your phone?

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    Registered User mzpepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanut View Post
    I would suggest taking your inner child on a walk through "Frugal Luxuries" by Tracy McBride, and such books.

    Frugal Luxuries is a wonderful book. I have had it for about 15 years and I still take it out and peruse it for ideas and if I need an attitude adjustment LOL. Try checking it out at the library. You won't regret it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyfamily2000 View Post
    This week was my first trip on a reduced grocery budget. My husband put an application on my phone that allowed me to track my list, add in prices and adjust as needed. "Maybe I did not need 3 of this." OR "Oh, I forgot we needed that."

    I actually felt like crying. That would be pretty dumb since I was under budget.

    I am not sure the source of emotions. I had PLENTY of groceries for the allocated money. But it felt weird to not just go shopping without the regimented tallying. The tallying was at my request.

    One of my admissions was that being on a budget feels quite restrictive. I am sure it will feel freeing in the end. But my "fear" that I admitted is true for now. It feels like a noose.

    I did not learn budgeting while growing up
    i did this too. i listened to the people here, surveyed the cabinets, made a meal plan of existing materials, made a list, went to walmart (what a come-down, i thought), at the wrong time of day (afternoon walmart bad idea) , shopped and kept a tally on the calculator, and sat and sobbed in the walmart parking lot. feeling very sorry for myself.

    i used to shop without a list or budget at the lah-dee dah store. after the divorce, i simply couldn't do that. i was grieving former life.

    after my meltdown in the parking lot, i made some affirmations. it really helped, because i needed to adjust my attitude.

    "abundance is mine"
    " I marvel at the abundance in the walmart store"
    " how lucky i am that i get to shop in all this abundance"
    " i am blessed to be able to bring home what my household needs"

    and i made the experience more pleasant by shopping in the early morning. and don't have to feel like someone is about to steal my purse at any moment.

    i have since branched out and go to several stores, depending on my mood.

    i did not learn budgeting while growing up.

    edit: let your inner child get one thing. she has to look at everything first, then go back and choose.

    edit: and you aren't the only one tapping on a calculator while in the store. look around you.

    edit: i use a master list i made on the computer and use a paper list. and this is just a suggestion, but i highly recommend a tracphone while you are getting out of debt. i-phones and blackberries and all that crap are expensive wants and not needs.
    Last edited by ladykemma2; 02-04-2012 at 07:48 AM.
    baby step 2- see blog for actual amounts

    "stop being a victim, you are a perpetrator, taking things without paying for them is stealing, you are not a victim, you are a perpetrator. PAY THE PEOPLE YOU OWE, pray for the people you owe, and make it right. " hard nosed AA person, thumping his big book, addressed to me in AA meeting 7/30/2013

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    Bottom line is that you are "choosing" to change the way you spend your money...It's not a HAVE TO! And by changing the way you spend your money, you have a chance to live a better life. You aren't denying yourself, you are setting a goal that many other people never achieve...Financial Independence!

    As someone else said.... make a game of it. It's actually very fun!

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    Quote Originally Posted by scrap_candles View Post
    I can't really help you on that one. I have a grocery budget for 2 weeks at a time and i almost always am over it. I can wish you luck though.


    Could I ask what the app is that you have on your phone?
    It is called Listomni.

    All I know is that it wasn't free. But it saved me from the (never bothered after a time or two) of having a detailed pen and paper list and a calculator in hand. It was cumbersome shopping with kids. So the idea to ever try that again was not happening.

    With this list app: I can load in stores and my list is arranged by stores. We have special dietary considerations, so I shop at multiple stores.

    One thing that was nice is that it kept a running total for me at each store with a grand total at the top of my list.

    I can adjust quantities, put the section of the store (produce, meat, deli, etc), unit price (price of item per box or whatever, not per ounce), coupon if I have it, and tax. Then it will tell me how much I am spending on that item.

    For my first use, I guessed at prices as best as I could remember and then adjusted in store.

    If one store did not have what I was looking for, I could easily bump that item to another store list by changing its store. I was looking for pineapple jelly as one store was sold out. I switched stores and it bumped it to my other list.

    It was worth the money, I believe.

    The pain was in having to actually make decisions. I had forgotten to add my daughter's cookies to the list. So I wasn't going to get them. But as I was shopping, correcting prices, rethinking items, we were able to confidently add the cookies to our list while still coming in under budget.

    We are shopping every two weeks, but I am leaving some "buffer" for when we run out of things and need a refill just in case. So while my grocery budget is X, I am trying to save Y of that for the off week.

    Inner child is just used to doing what she likes. She just has to do it with her blow money now.

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    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    Doing anything you aren't used to doing can be tough. I've always shopped using a list and my list is made according to what is on sale. I've never been much of a menu maker, so we tend to eat from what's on hand.

    You will find that once you've shopped using a list a few times it will start to feel normal. Good luck with your goals .
    "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." John Lennon
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