How does it happen?

[camismommy]

I am new here and this is my first post. I have been looking around and am ready to start putting all of these great ideas to use.
I just wonder how I ended up in debt!? All of a sudden I was in debt between 2 credit cards and my car I owe $20,000. And then there's the house but we won't go there yet!
Does it always happen this way (an epiphony) or am I the only unsuspecting victim who did not realize they were spending more than they should? The bad thing is, my DH does not know about my CC debt, only the car. My CC's are about $11,000. I am having a hard time deciding how to tell him. I may have to get it down some first!
Anyway, I expect to do well with all of this information here so, thanks in advance!

[sanderson76]

NO you aren't the only one that it happens to really fast. It is like that with us...it just gets away.
Once we get our debt paid off, I never want to be in debt again.

[nodmicks]

Tracy I had a moment where I added my cc's up and went "huh? How?!!!"
Our cc's were 16K at the time! Ouch!
I really do think you should tell hubby. Form a game plan together.
There are quite a few of us in the same boat . It really helps to cheer each other on. Vow to stop incurring new debt.
Dave Ramsey is a wealth of info btw!
I look forward to reading of your progress! You can do this!!!

[Valerie in WA]

Welcome, Tracy!

The first step to correcting a problem is recognizing that there is a problem. Congratulations! You are on your way to freedom from debt.

Honestly, it was so long ago that we turned around from increasing to decreasing our debt, that I don't remember the moment of revelation.

As to how it happens, that I can answer. A little bit here, a little bit there. Sometimes because you're disorganized and in a hurry, sometimes because you feel like you deserve it, or need it, or sometimes just because it's so darn easy to whip out a card and the payments are so low that you're sure you can manage it.

Your first step will be to stop overspending and just break even each month. Then you can begin to repay. Only you can decide how to handle the matter with your dh, but I wish you well.

[Scattymum]

Welcome!,

No you are not the only one - we have debts up to our eyeballs, mainly resulting from moving into this place with work we didnt forsee being needed and our car needing work and then when they got high we were paying them off each month and then having to use them because we had no money at the end of the month - its a visious circle! It didnt help that our oh so helpful cc companies just kept increasing our limit. There is going to be one huge party here when the debts are gone!! realisically in a few years but we are slowly whittling away at them - it takes time.

Good luck with telling your hubby! once it is out in the open he may come up with some ideas to help

Good Luck!!

[pkellyc]

Welcome. I figure debt happens the same way your going to pay it off. One bite at a time. Not the end of the world just a little set back. There are some amazing people here who have paid off huge amounts of debt in really shot periods of time. Listen to their advice and enjoy their support. There are some wonderful people here.

[pkellyc]

P.S. put an r into shot and you come with short.

[Darlene]

It does add up fast.
First stop using the charge card and 2nd Please tell your husband, he really deserves to know 3rd. get a job so you can pay more than just the minimum balances. You both need to sit down together & figure your way out of this. Finances & bill paying should be a team effort I think. You can work your way out but need to do it together and you need to start now.
I know this must be the hardest thing in the world to do and I don't know how strong your marriage is but you can't get to fixing things if the cards aren't all on the table.

Just my opinion and I wish you luck.

[pammy]

No you aren't alone. We were sailing by, doing like everyone else does.... get money: spend money. No thought to money we were basically throwing away paying interest instead of paying cash. No thought to retirement. No thought of the millions of careless ways we spent money because our lives were so busy. No thought of emergencies or lay-offs. No end in sight.
And then one day I read a book. Don't even know why I picked it up, but it changed me. Realized not EVERYONE lives paycheck to paycheck. Realized that no one is going to fund our retirement, social security may not even be there when we need it. Realized that some people do save money to buy things they need with cash, like cars, vacations, homes. Realized it's not a pipe dream. It can be a goal! It's our goal.
Most here are right, the first step is the realization, so congrats to you!! Not everyone's situation is the same. Only you can decide what is right for you. As for you telling your hubby about your credit cards, it is only my opinion that you come clean. It'd be coming clean to yourself as well. And, I can't tell you how hard all of this would be if I didn't have the support of my dh. We're a team on this. I hope whichever way you decide to handle that works for you. Best of luck.

[camismommy]

Thanks all for the nice words.
I do have a job and am fortunate enough to be able to pay more than the minimum due and have not used the two CC's in 1 month now but I am struggling with that.
The CC's are in my name alone so even though I used them to purchase things for my family, I feel they are my burden.
My DH is a great guy and I am sure that he will support me so what I need to do, I think, is get a gameplan on paper so that will help lessen the blow to my Dh who has learned early in life that if you can't pay with cash, you can't afford it!

[Darlene]

Glad you've stopped using them and that you've been paying more than the min. But even if they are in just your name it's not just your burden. So glad you have a good guy for a husband, the 2 of you are going to be ok. Cheering you on as you lose this heavy burden .

[forestdale]

Hi Tracy, welcome to FV.

I think it's a horrifying epiphany to most people. I think you're wise to tell your husband after you've worked out a budget and a plan to repay the CC. When you do, cut them up if you feel the urge to spend again. If you have a plan when you tell him, he'll see that you take it seriously and that you want to get rid of the debt. You're a team, he needs to know what the game plan is.

Read through some of the old threads here, they are very inspiring and I'm sure you be helped by them. Good luck.

[PrairieRose]

You are certainly not alone. I know we managed to rack up a huge amount of debt on cc's, auto loans, home loans, ETC.. One more thing to add to what the ladies have said above to help you with the temptation. Call those credit cards co.s and have them lower the limits. That way you can't charge them way up again...it won't be able to sneak up and bite you so hard! (that is if you choose not to cut them up, call and cancel them).

[Early Bird]

1. When I have bad news to tell my husband, I try to pick a time when he's receptive.

If it's news that can't wait, I will tell him immediately. But, if I have my druthers, I'll get him fed and then tell him I need to have a talk --
Before he gets involved in TV!

First thing in the morning is NOT a good time for him either.

If something small -- like the house is a total wreck -- I'll even phone him at work so he can brace himself. I know how much I hate to be blindsided with bad news.

2. You are so lucky to have a husband who believes in paying in full!

3. Now, there aren't many things that I'm humble about with DH. He needs a wife who argues back! But, on the rare occasions that I get myself into a bind, I'll swallow my pride, "Sweetie, I have a problem. I brought it on myself, and I think I have some ways to fix it. But I'd like (a) your opinion; (b) your help; (c) you to fix the whole thing and never mention it again!

Stupid fender benders come under this category. I think your cc debt might also.

DH is usually so shocked by my humility that he reacts nicely! [In 20 years of marriage, I have only used this approach about 5 times.]

[jlxian]

Your description of "unsuspecting victim" is very apt!

The credit companies just make it too easy to go into debt and this is how it happens. Add that to the never ending advertising to buy buy buy. Its blindsiding!