what did it take for you to get with the program?

**forestdale** · 11-21-2005, 07:15 PM

Most of us have made the decision to reduce what we spend, make do and pay off our debts quickly. Making the decision is the easy part, how difficult is doing it?

For me the process of spending less and making do was relatively easy. A long time ago I realised that happiness does not automatically come with having what I want.

The one thing that made it all work for me was to redefine what success meant to me. In the old days success was having the money to do what I wanted and buy what pleased me. I realise now that was a very limited, and limiting, definition of success. "Things" and "stuff" mask what success is. Success to me now is a feeling rather than possessions. Now I know that I'm successful because I'm happily living the life I choose.

What did it for you? How did you successfully work living with less into your life?

**hollyhill** · 11-21-2005, 07:54 PM

Well, I don't think I can pinpoint it to any one event. I grew up in a frugal home. We never had much stuff and certainly not the latest stuff. My father was terminally ill and my mother had to work very hard just to pay the medical bills and mortgage. My highschool was 2 miles away and my mother gave me bus fare to get to school and come home. I chose to walk to save the bus fare. I added it to my babysitting money so that I could buy new jeans or... I learned many frugal tricks from my Grandmother too, she helped us anyway she could.

Then in University I just led the "student" life which is usually pretty sparse anyways.

There were some years as DINKS where we did spend alot more. But it was on travel. We also bought a home and a mortgage. But other than that I was allways debt phobic (thats what my MiL called it, she was a firm believer in CC's to get what you want). We usually drove used cars. Even Dh's sportscar (which he had when he was young) was bought cheap and restored by us.

I've always cared about our environment and have been anti stuff. Like you Rhonda, I early on separated stuff from happiness. It took a while to convince my Dh though.

I remember when I was still a child, noticing friends whose parents "rented" seemed to be rich (had nice clothes, nice toys) but those with parents who owned their own home seemed to have less. Even then I realized it was a matter of priorities.

**Mojjo** · 11-21-2005, 08:07 PM

I wasn't raised with any sense of frugality at all. And it's strange but now that I'm doing it my mom is starting to take an interest.

For me it was a moment...I realized that it didn't matter how much nice new stuff I had if I was dreading late notices and collector's calls. And I wanted a house for DS.

We're almost completely out of debt and will be in a house in a little over a year *woohoo*

It was realizing what happiness was for me and that I had been living with someone else's definition for years.

**Mamaw** · 11-21-2005, 08:51 PM

I dont know that I am really into it enough to have a defining moment. It is still very hard for me to not over buy all the "stuff" for my children and grandchildren. I dont need the latest for me to be happy but I just love to give them things. I did have a revelation this weekend however. I had gone to visit DGD who will be 2 on the holiday. She and I made bird feeders from toilet paper tubes, smeared in peanut butter and rolled in bird seed. We had such fun doing that! I realized I am doing more for her by creating memories and just being there for her than I can ever hope to do by buying her stuff. So onward to spending less dollars and spending more time with the folks I love the most!

**favesis37** · 11-22-2005, 08:15 AM

the phone calls from bill collectors was what it took for me to realise that i had to do something.

**daddys3chicks** · 11-22-2005, 02:33 PM

Well for us it was no choice - or bad choices. We had tried to be frugal, but didn't do enough. So, now we are forced to learn and do because of the bankruptcy. Now it is cash only...if we don't have it, we don't get it. And sometimes if we do have it, we still don't get it. It comes down to choices. Do we spend the money on this now or forego something and save it for something else?

My Mom was always very frugal - raised on a farm, and during the Depression. My Daddy was raised during the Depression as well, but he never wanted his girls to do without anything we wanted.
And even though my Mom was frugal and still is, we were never taught to save or tithe our allowances. I always thought my Mom was miserly (and she is in some ways), so I drifted away from that school of thought.

My Dad showed his love by giving us money or buying us something. That transferred to filling a need with shopping for me when I became an adult. Being a 2 income couple with no kids and great salaries, and never thinking we would be able to have kids, lead to being in debt prior to Katie being born.

When Dh & I first got married we still had separate checking accounts. He paid part of the bills and I the rest. I made him give me a certain amount each month to put in savings toward a house. There was a time when we were on the frugal path. But somewhere along the way we got big salaries (I was makinh 60K when I retired from paid work), and never thought it would be any different.

Add to that the cost of infertility treatments (not covered by insurance), and we were in debt before I became a SAHM. Living just added to the debt. Transferring from one line of credit to another created a bigger and bigger monster. Eventually we sank.

So, we are embarking on a new adventure. Trying to make it with what we have. Rethinking what we buy. And most importantly teaching our kids!

**midwestgal** · 11-22-2005, 03:28 PM

I think I can honestly say that I have always been frugal. Even in high school, I worked and saved almost all my earnings. Making $1.60/hour, I managed to sock away $1,700 in two years as an after school and weekends grocery store clerk. My parents were very frugal as were their parents. DH (frugal too!) and I had a wedding that cost about $250, and off we were into married life. (Married in 1970, I at age 18 and DH 20) For the first ten years, we lived on an average of about $5,000/year. During this time, we had our 4 children in 6 years and DH earned his business degree. Our second used car was a Ford that we bought for $500 and drove for 10 years. Of course, I think DH replaced every moving part on that vehicle! In our next phase, DH earned an MBA and I earned a BS in elementary teaching. We were still living the frugal life, shopping garage sales, scratch cooking, doing our own car repairs and home renovations. (BTW, we bought our first house with $350 and the VA!) In our next phase, our children began to attend college. We had been married about 19 years, and I think this was the time when things got a little tricky for us. We really felt that we had barely gotten on our feet ourselves, and it was time to put kids in braces and begin to help them with their college educations. So even with an improved income, I always felt that we were still lagging a bit behind in spite of our frugal lifestyles and no debt to speak of. We just couldn't put enough away in savings to my liking. I can't really say that I had an epiphany about the frugal life. However, I think it's better to be more prepared than we were with education before having a family. Now, we are at a place in which we hope to sell our home soon on the West Coast and move to the Midwest and pay cash for a home. Continuing our frugal life, I would like to see us manage to live on $25-30,000/year. I really do like simple living and don't need a lot of possessions. I've never felt a compulsion to keep up with the Joneses. However, remembering our very tight budgets in the past, I probably put too much emphasis on job security and what I feel are insufficient savings. I spend more time worrying that I should!

**AmyBoz** · 11-23-2005, 02:56 PM

When I was pregnant with Julia, we had been in our first house for two years and we suddenly realized that when I went on maternity leave, we were going to lose 1/2 of our income and thought that we would not be able to make all of the bills (not credit card...just the regular bills & mortgage). So, we kicked it into high gear and started saving, saving, saving. In a matter of 9 months, we cut back so severely on what we bought and did (movies, dinners out, trips, etc.) that we were able to put $10,000 in savings. So, we realized that we could survive on one salary for a bit, but with a baby, our home was now a bit small. So, we took the $10,000 and put it toward a new house. We continued to be frugal when I went back to work, so when I had Patrick and was on maternity leave again, we were in pretty good shape. We are now in our third house and the mortgage payments are quite high. We haven't been able to save much because we took out a home equity loan to redo the kitchen (not for cosmetic reasons...mold and damage) and just paid off that $19,000 loan. We're pinching pennies severely again and are preparing for my next maternity leave. It will be very tight, and I'm pretty nervous. We are going to have to have Rob opt out of his 401k for my maternity period and we will be selling the stock that he has in his company along with practicing extreme frugality, but it's what we're doing and we'll deal with it. Frugality was originally imposed upon us, but now, even when times are good, it's become a way of life. We modify it as need be with each new phase, but it's always there.

**Minner77** · 11-25-2005, 12:22 AM

Realizing that I live better than 99% of other people in the world. Actually, anyone who is literate, has a roof over his head, fills his belly every day, has clothes to wear, and doesn't have to fear for his life or liberty lives better than billions do.

We lived in a rather affluent area and sent our kids to parochial schools, as our religious beliefs are very important to us. One, rather than being the parochial school we thought it'd be, turned out to be more of an elite prep school where money flew and the kids were snobs. Our son hated it, we hated it, and it just was the last straw. We'd talked about moving forever, but if we took this one out of high school we'd have to take his brother out of his K-8 school, which we loved because it was real. So, we did it! Upped and moved.

We've actually been, if not frugal, at least extremely aware of where our money has gone for years. As my husband is a pilot, everyone expected us to live in a huge house, drive fancy cars, and have tons of toys (lake house, boat, big screen TV, etc.). Boy were we a disappointment! We just didn't fit in, because we've never believed money was for amusing ourselves: we've always believed in being practical -- or boring, more accurately!

I'll spare you the long story, but we've always been huge savers, even since before there was much to save. The more we saw of the excess around us, the more we were disgusted by the consumer mentality.

My two best friends in the area were married to VPs of huge companies who were extremely well compensated. Yet all of us cut coupons, cooked from scratch, sewed when we could, watched for bargains, and so forth. Every one of us started with nothing, worked hard to get where we were, and remained smart enough to be grateful -- and to give back. It sure helped having these awesome women as a support group, to reassure ourselves that we weren't crazy for trying to treat money with some respect! Maybe that sounds odd here, but I knew a lot of people with money, and a lot who spent as though they had it, and it was just so refreshing to be around "real people!"

(M. and N., by the way, were extremely quick with a checkbook when they heard a whisper of need. We shared a common belief: what you give to God, you get back. It's so true!)

Blessings,
Mary

**celina** · 11-25-2005, 06:03 PM

this is my first post....

well...my mother is the queen of frugality!! my father was NOT...they have been seperated since my birth...

he showed me love by buying things....i treated it as such...and to love "myself " spoilt myself

i met dh when i was 15 and he 17, he both lived at home for the first 5 yrs of our relationship...we worked insane hours in high school and both held down FULL TIME JOBS during college...yes DURING the school yr, i mananged to save 0$ in that time and had lots of fun, he saved enough to pay his education..so my money was our fun moeny (my dad pd my education as part of divorce since he barely paid any child support)

then we bought a business and a duplex in the same month and got married....lost business yr after yr on business and duplex was staying afloat...dh was still in school...he finished got a great job....got nailed with huge income tax bill.....

so many many loans and credit card bills, another house later, a couple bad tenants in the duplex that cost us thousands of dollars...and 2 kids later....and 8 yrs after we lived together...oct 2004!

we had the knife at our throats financially, just surviving...and that is completely maxed out...consolidated to our max......we get a letter from our bank...they pay our property taxes 2000/yr where we lived for a run down house..criminal if you ask me....and the amt is included in our mortgage payment...well they made an error (that i would have noticed had i been plugged into my finances) and had been collectin 1000/yr from us for almost 2 yrs and that our mortgage payment would go up 290/month...we didnt have that!!! so we had called a bankruptcy trustee the yr before and decided to yet again consolidate..but not changing our habits so didnt fix anything...we called again and we're taking the week to think on it...

another letter....housing insurance company, the cement stairs in the back had to be redone in the next 4 weeks or they pull our ins....well i had a home daycare and its very hard in canada to get ins in you have one...and i was on my 4th carrier....and i had an estimate done for that in the spring....by someone else..1000$ if we did it ourselves 600$....i didnt have that...and we took that as a sign from god....

we did great through it all, no harm done except to our pride...

in canada the laws are diff, we lost car and house...but we're able to get lease on car with co signer...(we lived 40min from groceries..even moving to a rental) we got to keep all the STUFF like washer dryer furniture computer that was on credit....

and we'll be able to get a house in 2 yrs if we save up 10.000 (in our plan we'll have 30000 then and pd off our car)

they treat bankruptcy, your first as a second chance here...we were paying for OLD mistakes, tenant mistakes and creditors charging 32% interest making things unbearable, not so easy 2nd time....and you can be refused...we got counselling, required and had to had in budgeted over 9 months...and had to pay a monthly fee over 9 months....

so we never got the wakeup call.....we got a second chance and IM NOT GONNA SQUANDER IT!!! im making the most of , and in 2 yrs we hope to buy some acreage with a modest house on it...and enjoy the simple things that we are rediscovering...