New here, really need encouragement

**Lyn5** · 03-09-2006, 02:43 PM

Goodluck Sheri...it sounds like you are due for a break and this may be it...I will be praying it works out for you.

**sunnysideup** · 04-08-2006, 10:46 PM

Sheri my heart goes out to you and your family. Dh and I had some credit struggles a few years back and we are still trying to regain our footing. I know its not easy. The best thing for us was knowing that we were working together to fix it. I'm so glad to hear that you talked with your husband. I hope things start looking better for you soon!

**ginger73** · 04-09-2006, 08:27 PM

Sheri:

I'm new also... just found this amazing group yesterday...and I de-lurked to give you a big cyber-hug.

I, too, am in debt up to my armpits and I'm tired of it. It makes you really, physically ill just from the stress. I work in the medical field, and I see how stress just grinds down on people. I developed hypertension this past winter, and I think realizing that I'm over $20,000 in debt just from my freaking credit cards was some of the reason. Even knowing that I really was stressed in my life, I couldn't admit my problem to my doctor...it's just too shameful.

Someone mentioned earier about going out for walks, and I agree with that. Not only will you destress just from the exercise, but you will reap physical benefits from it. Cardiovascular exercise gives you a shot of endorphins that will leave you feeling better, maybe not immediately, but definitely within a week or so. Anyway, you're not alone in all of this. We're all listening.

Good luck with the credit union. I hope it works out for you...

Going back to lurking now...

Ginger

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 04-09-2006, 09:13 PM

Sherry, how are things going for you? Have you made any progress? I will be thinking of you.

jennifer

**birthgeek** · 04-10-2006, 08:15 AM

Sheri,

I, too, am delurking just to add some encouragment here! I hope your DH had luck at the credit union and that you are feeling more hopeful today. I was wondering if you'd considered taking in a child for home daycare? I know you work from home already, which takes up a lot of time, but what about minding someone's little one for even half a day, a few days per week? Around here a half-day costs parents $20. It sounds like even $40 extra per week could really make a difference in your situation. There's always before and after school transition time needs for daycare, too.

If you don't go out much yourselves (which I assume is also the case) you could consider babysitting on weekend evenings; that way your boys are likely in bed so not missing out on Mom time.

Just a few thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading another, hopefully good news, update from you.

**PrairieRose** · 04-10-2006, 08:59 AM

Sheri I want to offer a cyberhug as well and can tell you that most of us have lived through some really tough times as well. I do want to offer one or 2 small pieces of advice from experience. 1. Stop (!) writing checks. If you keep paying those overdraft fees there's absolutely no way to ever catch up. If you add up what that costs you a month you might find that it would be like your dh getting a raise if you stop writing checks and deal in cash or buy money orders with cash to send off payments for bills. You have to stop writing checks.......(I think you'll be amazed at how much pressure that one thing can relieve) 2. You can't dig out of this with more debt (i.e. consolidation loans or credit card charges). You CAN go into an all cash program on your own, living with only cash. The credit cards are not an emergency fund and when you stop using them you'll manage to find the money for emergencies elsewhere...(like from the money you've not paid to the bank for o.d. charges). You're caught in a loop......and if you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna keep getting what you're getting. You're searching for answers and even though there aren't any easy ones there are always (ALWAYS) things we can do. You have to take care of your health. You need some exercise and fresh air daily which will help your mental health as much as your physical health. You can start with 30 minutes a day. Use that time to refresh your mind with thoughts of thankfulness for the blessings you do have in your life. Oh, and one thing that really helps me when things are at their worst is to write down the things I want or need to happen in the present tense as if they have already taken place. I'm always amazed at how often this is all that is required to make it so.
Now, go dust off your boots, grab em by the straps and start on a whole new day. (Remember your children are learning how to deal with stress from you on a daily basis

)

**hollyhill** · 04-10-2006, 05:53 PM

Sheri!

I understand!

my Dh lost his job just over two years ago and for the first time in his life didn't walk into another job. He is now retraining (almost at the end thank God) and we have been living a hand to mouth existence on STUDENT LOANS. So when he is finally working we get to deal with those (really looking forward to that!). I have been working as a gardener part time which is really good work with flexible hours and good pay. I am limited in how many hours I can work becase I homeschool.

We have nothing extra, we don't spend an extra nickel on anything (no clothes shoes haircuts etc). We don't rent DVD's we have no cable and even my dial-up internet is on a limited monthly amount. I don't buy coffee or tea for even at home use (but I have been gifted some). So for entertainment make a list of 5 things you enjoy that don't cost a dime.
Like- sitting in the garden with a beverage.
- nice hot soak in the tub
-reading magazines (borrow from the library)
- watching movies from the library
- going for a walk

These things will help your mental health NOW!

I second -getting rid of the second car (you will save on insurance and car repairs). If you absolutely need the car you could drive your hubby to work and pick him up, 20 mins. isn't that far (I drive that far for milk!!!).

Lastly tell everyone about your situation!
I finally broke down and told people that I knew ......when I was at the end of my rope....and through the encouragement of several lovely ladies from here.... went beyond my comfort zone.
I went to our pastor, to the ladies commitee etc. It was so hard because I was used to doing the giving, and never in my wildest dreams did i think I would be reduced to this situation!

I too have an elderly mother who would give me the shirt off her back but can't afford to so i don't say anything! and my sister is an artist (do i need to say more). So I have mentioned our situation to neighbours, other homeschoolers, church members....and have recieved free clothes, food, books, plants, gifts and many other wonderful things.

We just don't spend a penny and I have been told that I am the only person who is able to rub together two nickels and get a quarter! LOL!

Anyways you aren't alone here and there is so much you can still learn. I know.

**zakity** · 04-10-2006, 08:35 PM

Yeah, I recommend telling people. I know that if I hear about someone on hard times and I know I have stuff that we aren't eating, I get a chance to clean out my pantry and they get a few groceries. If something has been sitting in my cabinets or my pantry for a few months and we haven't cycled through it, we won't be eating it.

It isn't always "weird" stuff that you will get either. I bought a can of salmon once and no one at my house would eat it. I gave up on them and gave it (along with some other things that had been sitting around) away to a twin mom who had gotten laid off from her job. I like to go through my cabinets every 3 to 4 months to clean it out. The goal is to not have anything to give away, but, once in a while, I have a grocery bag or two of things they just won't eat or they have decided that they don't like. Or, once in a blue moon, DH will decide that I can't cook with something anymore (like canned mushrooms) and I will have to get rid of whatever I had on hand.

When I give stuff away, I really feel bad because I feel like it is dumping my crap off on other people. But, on the other hand, if it is perfectly edible food, I hate to just throw it out.

**miss_thrifty** · 04-10-2006, 09:23 PM

How about consolidating all your debt in one, including your credit cards, in one payment, they work with the credit card companies to help u save money. (((hhuuugggss)))
charlene

**Libby** · 04-10-2006, 09:48 PM

I'd reccomend telling people - the right people, if you have a choice - its a very good thing to do.

Back when I was in high school with no financial obligations (except for spending and gas for car use) I was volunteering at a local seniors advocacy group. Not b/c I had to volunteer for school or any other reason except for the fact that I wanted to. In return I got to meet the person who ran a local Family Resource Program in the same neighbourhood. I too got involved with that and in time got to meet many different people from all walks of life and a variety of life situations.

Part of my job (even though I was a volunteer) was to sit and 'listen' and be a source for them to vent issues and/or interact with someone they could relate to (vs talking to their 2 yr olds all day). I got to become very good friends with a few and would see them almost daily while working.

After a few months of knowing these families and what they needed... not begged for ... I found myself buying grocery items for them. Not b/c I had to. Not b/c I wanted to make myself feel better. Not b/c I had the money and they didnt. Just b/c I wanted to.

My thoughts were that if I were able to have something then so should they. I found myself spending about $20/month on a few basic grocery items for a few families and a few little luxuries like those specialty/flavoured coffees or jell-o powder.

The bonus is that Im still friends with most of those families whose lives Ive mananged to touch to this day, though Ive moved away. They've now made it out of their tough 'life situation' and are moving foward. Its the little things that help.

So by telling the 'right' people so to speak....could help you in the long run. I may have been a grocery buddy to someone but somewhere down the line I will get that help should I need it, in return.