When is debt too much?

**littlemotherhaywood** · 07-11-2006, 10:34 AM

Since my dh recently lost his job and accepted a position making significantly less, I've been thinking about this. I'm trying to be strong, but I'm scared. His regular salary before taxes isn't going to cover the bills we have and we're not making any headway. We'll be okay for at least another month because he got a severance, but after that, we're relying on faith. He's now working sixteen miles away and it took him almost an hour to get home since he has to go through downtown to get home which means if I can find a part-time job, it has to be that much later because we're down to one car now. And....a major grocery chain is closing that employs about 11,000 people in our area. Everyone is scrambling for new jobs since no one knows who will buy the stores, what the hours and pay will be, etc... To me, bankruptcy is not an option. These are our debts. We're just in a very hard spot. At what point does it become too much to handle? Even if we go through credit counseling, our payments aren't reduced any. I'm looking for anything and everything to sell at this point and dh is considering a job in TN. There's no way we can afford to move. I would love to, but we just can't afford it right now. I can't seem to make him understand this

**slowtypinwoman** · 07-11-2006, 11:09 AM

I can only speak for myself. For us when our debt became too high I would wake up in the middle of the night running numbers through my head. It all depends on your expences. I don't think there is a set amout for anyone as "too high of debt" I knew for me we needed to dig ourselves out soon because I was making myself sick. In the long run would the debt be better if you moved to TN? It is a big cost initially, but in the long haul, will you save?Look at all your options. Good luck and keep coming here. You will learn a wealth of money saving ideas.

**thrifty gal** · 07-11-2006, 11:10 AM

I don't know how much debt is too much. I guess it all depends upon each family, and their income. We are in quite a bit of debt ourselves, and we are at the point where I feel like we are in too much debt. Good luck.

**frugalfarmwife** · 07-11-2006, 11:15 AM

First a HUGE hug to you

I agree, when you wake up in a cold sweat running numbers through your head it's to much.

Can you do any babysitting? With your two at home it would give them other kids to spend time with and you a source of income.

I heard about Topps, sounds more like they'll get a buyer though rather than close, I hope!

One other thing, waitressing can be GOOD money, even just a Fri or Sat shift can make a significant difference in your income, it's NOT an easy job but if you have the people skills for it you can make good money.

Hugs to ya from another Buckeye!

kj

**3-boys-4-me** · 07-11-2006, 11:32 AM

I am sorry that you're going through this. You're going to have to do what's best for your family.
A do-able amount of debt, where it doesn't bother or worry you, is going to vary from person to person.
Know that you're not alone. We too have been there, and dug out. I know how you're feeling. We learned so much from our past mistakes.
You'll get through this, and be stronger for it. Things WILL get better.
Big Hugs, I will be thinking of you.

**banana** · 07-11-2006, 11:33 AM

We our debt was high I would also write everything down, every little thing and I was amazed at what I found. It isnt fun cutting out non-essential items but for us it was something we had to do.

Hang in there, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

**babetteq** · 07-11-2006, 12:13 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. It's a terrible place to be. When my ex was drinking I would also wake up in the middle of the night with numbers running through my head. I would actually have to get up and sit with a pencil adn paper and work more out until I was tired enough to go back to bed or found a way to make it through the pay period.

Be kind to each other during this hard time.... and know that it's temporary. Have faith adn know that *something* will happen. If it helps here are some options:

waitressing - it's true.. it can be good good money.

housecleaning. Not as good money, but the hours are usually flexible and it's usually pretty stable (I've always charged 10$/hr min2 hours...even one person's house gives me 80$/mo)

canning vegetables for people who have too much, then I keep half... brings in no money at all, but keeps the shelves stocked with nutritious food

Anything you don't need, any clutter in your house, sell it on craigslist.It's not a long term solution, but it cleans up the house and you get a few bucks for it

Do someone's gardening.. a lot like housecleaning. I've always charged 10$/hr minimum 2 hrs. This is especially good for the elderly, or someone who's just had a new baby, or is ill or injured.

can you take in mending?

babysitting you have a couple of kids knocking around anyway.... can you take one or two more? They can even come with their own snack and lunch.

None of these things will make you rich, but ideas like these are how I get by when things are specially tight.

Good luck and keep your chin up! This too shall pass!

-babs

**Persimmon Lace** · 07-11-2006, 12:47 PM

You could also cut your grocery bill by using Angel Food ministries for 25 dollars you get alot of food.

www.angelfoodministries.com

They have menu available each month and it is good food.

If you can save on food you might be able to concentrate on the other stuff a little better.

**celina** · 07-11-2006, 01:49 PM

just for the tn move...my dh's last 2 jobs, paid to move us to where they were.,...its very common to have that put in the contract..PLUS they paid dh's accomodations while we got ready to move .....the whole thing cost 6000 and its given to us as a forgivable loan..every year dh works for them they forgive 2000 (its all interest free, its just so they dont spend the money to move us here and then dh goes and works for another company) after 3 yrs its done ..the last company was with the understanding that if we left within a year we had to pay the costs back to them

**AirForceWife** · 07-11-2006, 03:04 PM

It is very scary to feel overwhelmed, I think everyone has been there! I am glad that he was able to find something to bring in some money while you try to figure out what to do next!

As for moving, I would sit down and write down a list of expenses involved in a move. Movers or renting a truck to do it yourself? Time and expense of doing it yourself? Deposits on utilities and the like? Make some calls to the area or check out web sites near where he is thinking about. Is the cost of living lower or higher? This could accomplish a couple of things -- you will be taking control of something and maybe it can distract you for a bit and then you will have the numbers in black and white. You can show him there is just no way, or you may be pleasantly surprised and find that it is a viable option.

Hang in there. Hugs to you!

~~Lynn ~~

**AmyBoz** · 07-11-2006, 06:55 PM

Best of luck to you!

**littlemotherhaywood** · 07-12-2006, 10:45 AM

Thanks everyone. There would be no relocation assistance to move to TN because it's a teaching job. I told him if he wanted it that badly, perhaps he could negotiate something. The cost of living is about twenty percent lower there than it is here and that's a huge factor. Our biggest problem is our cc debt. The amount we have to pay doesn't go down because we move to a lower cost of living area with lower salaries. We're at about nine hundred a month there and we're darned if we do and darned if we don't. If we go into credit counseling, they can't lower the payments any at all, but the debt would go down much faster. If we do cc then our credit scores will go down significantly and we likely won't be able to get a house somewhere if we move. If we don't do cc and our amount of debt continues to go down as slowly as it has been, we can't get a house either. If we stay here and dh doesn't get a different job, there's no guarantee that he'll get any bonuses and we could be even worse off. The salary in TN would be comparable to his old salary here, but with the cc debt, I'm not sure if it matters. I have no problem renting for a year or two and think it would be a good idea in a new place to get an idea of where we would want to be and learn about the communities. With a potentially lower monthly housing payment, we could get ahead quicker. I just can't believe we've gotten ourselves into such a deep hole with no options.