I don't even know where to start

[mikkismama]

Ugh. OK, ok, I know I should start by writing down all my debts, which me and dh will sit down and do this weekend. But to be honest, I dont know how to start paying them off.
We are a one-income household for now because dh's visa status wont allow him to work. Which does work out in a way because we save on daycare, and he does make a little bit on gigs (hes a musician). We are trying to save to file for his greencard so that he can work, but I find that since a good 60% of my check goes to rent alone and the other 40% goes to bills, it just feels like I'm constantly getting more behind and can't ever move forward, you know? Its so depressing sometimes. I do admit, there are some areas where we can be more frugal--we do order food a lot, because I'm too tired to cook; dh prefers to turn up the heat rather then put on a sweater ; he also seems to always gravitate towards the most expensive items in the store and critizises me for being cheap , etc...
But in a way, I do understand his thinking. At the time it seems like $1 or 2 onto the huge debt we already have doesn't make much of a difference. But I am determined to get us back on track and out of debt so we can get our business started (we have a great concept, just no capital)
So can you please help me figure out where to start and how to help dh get on board??

[MrsMcDowell]

Hi Mellie.

First of all, big hugs are going from me to you.

Second: You've already started. You've realized that there is a problem and you are addressing it, so you've already started. Does it make you feel even a little better to know that you've got one step out of the way? It should because the realization step IS a huge one, at least in my book.

Like you said, you should list your debts. Decided which one you would like to pay off first. It doesn't matter which one you decide to do, and every woman on this site might tell you differently. If you look at my signature you'll see that I have a military debt for 956. I could pay that off fairly quickly, but I'm focusing on the two credit card debts instead. The reason I'm doing that is because the military debt's interest rate is only 2% whereas the cards are 12% and 14%. So by paying the credit cards off first, I'll save myself money. Does that make sense?

Now onto your husband: I know that he cannot work right now, but is there anything he could do besides the music gigs? I know you said he stays at home with your son (who is totally adorable by the way) but do you have any friends with kids that might want your husband to watch him? He could possibly pick up a little bit of extra money that way.

Also, my husband is the same way about buying the most expensive stuff. My solution is that I don't shop with him. I spend at least one hundred dollars more on average when he is there. Is that an option you could look into?

And also, don't think that the extra dollar or two you can throw towards a debt won't make a difference. Just remember that that is one more dollar you won't ever pay interest on again!

And remember: we're all here to help you!

[Darlene]

Your right about sitting down and putting it all down in black & white for him to see. When he sees what the income is & what the bills are it's like a wake up call. Being so tight with money isn't forever and you both having a common goal should make it a bit easier. Talk, talk & keep talking. Keep checking in to see if your goals are still the same and praise him when he's done good,lol. Saving doesn't have to be all about denying yourself, just need to get creative on how to get what you want and figuring out what you need. I'm sure you'll get lots more imput.
Those one or 2 dollars going here in there do add up. Do you know about snowballing debt?

[nuisance26]

~I just wanna encourage you to keep doing what you're doing and avoid getting into any more debt. You're just starting out and it will take awhile to feel like you're getting ahead. I was about 3 years into my marriage before the tide turned. Just keep to a budget and you will eventually get ahead.

[lottaLove]

You can do this! Just always remember, things will start to look up if you keep at it!

Once you sit down and write everything down to see, you might notice areas where you can cut back. That is what we did, and we realized we were spending way too much money for things like our telephone and cable tv.

I was also a member of a book club, and even though I only spent around 12 dollars a month on my books, I began realizing this really does add up fast!

Good luck!

[dwallyfam]

Mellie

Congrats on taking the first step in debt reduction. The only thing I have to add is could your husband cook. Also, look at crockpot meals.

[FrugalMomof3]

I agree, you CAN do this, like us all! Put it down on paper for him and he will understand, I totally know how you feel, my budget is soooo tight it's hard to find a few bucks to rent a movie at the video store.

We use approx. 80% of hubby's pay to pay bills, child support, etc... with that 20% left it's hard to save especially at Xmas time so that's why I shop at flea markets and yard sales for special occasions. I am a cheapskate!

[AmyBoz]

I think you've totally got the right point of view, Mellie. Writing it down and making it concrete is a wonderful thing to do, not just for you, but so that he can see exactly what you are working toward. I look forward to seeing how you progress!

[Neeley]

Everyone has given you such great advice already - I just wanted to tell you I am sending big hugs and positive thoughts your way. It will all work out. You have a great support system here. We are all behind you.